Get bigger.

No, I’m not some sort of freaky Obama girl with inside information, I’m a voter. I’m a damn Obama voter and I need for him to get BIGGER. By that I mean, get higher.

Okay, this isn’t working. I need for Barack Obama to stop feeling and reacting to all the tiny Lilliputian arrows — the Bernie Mac jokes, the New Yorker cartoonist, the Wright sermons, the McCain snarks. Don’t go to freaking Kabul because McBush tweaked your nose, don’t chide Bernie for being naughty, just get out of reaction mode and delegate that shit! Appoint a High Chief Offendee who can get all hurt and outraged for you and then get bigger. Set the tone, act, be the cowbells, I don’t care — I don’t even want to be telling you this. You don’t know how much I don’t want to be telling you this.

Getting offended is over. Getting offended is for those goofballs who are still boycotting Denmark. Ignore negative behavior, stop acting like a scold, set your terms, stop talking about God, and start talking about how John McCain still cashes his $1900 social security check every month instead of donating it to Cindy’s favorite charity — Guccis for the Ghetto. Talk about the video of McCain choking on the fact that he voted against requiring insurance companies to cover birth control! Dude, there’s lots to talk about. Big stuff.

Barack, we’re there for you baby, but you gotta put on your big suit and get some height. We can’t see you down there in the snake pit shaking your finger at the snakes.

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