10. When I popped into the bar and tried to open a ‘Transvestite Account,’ the first thing they did was ask me to provide proof of a dress.
9. The people who talked about me behind my back discussed me.
8. My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-cube factory next door, and now the company’s gone into liquidation.
7. When vandals destroyed all the road signs in our town, they really pulled out all the stops!
6. I think the highlight of my life must’ve been reaching the summit on Mount Everest, because it’s all been downhill from there.
5. I entered a swimming contest and won the 100-meter butterfly – but what the hell am I supposed to do with an insect that big?!
4. My hamster died from lack of exercise, so I don’t think he had the wheel to live.
3. Ahhhh, return flights, they really take me back.
2. Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
1. I miss my umbilical cord, because I grew attached to it.
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.