Entries Tagged as 'Bob Sullivan’s top ten everything'

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten complaints of Danielle Davies, a 39-year-old New Jersey woman who is dating a life-size cardboard cutout of Bradley Cooper

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10. “The police still won’t let me use the car pool lane.”

9. “Every time we go to dinner, it always winds up being my treat!

8. “My Robert Downey Jr. cutout is always getting jealous.”
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten suggested new slogans for GM

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10. Our Cars Switch Off Randomly – Saving You Gas!

9. Igniting Excitement!

8. Our Cars Are Captivating! (Not Decapitating)
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingsports

Top ten nicknames for Uruguayan soccer star Luis Suarez

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10. The Hungry Hungry Hippo

9. Chewbacca

8. Great Bitten
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten things you don’t want to hear at Friday’s Fourth of July barbecue

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10. “I knew it was a bad idea to leave the fireworks in the trunk on a day this hot!”

9. “Who invited Eric Cantor? He’s gonna bring everybody down!”

8. “These burgers are actually made with Shmeat — you know, those shamburgers grown in a test tube.”
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmusic

Top ten songs in the new Rob Ford musical, premiering at Toronto’s Factory Theatre this September

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10. Baby Got Crack

9. I’m a Boozer

8. Michael Row the Bloat Ashore
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtelevision

Top ten new shows on The Cat Network

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10. The King James Persian

9. Here and Meow

8. Paper Tiger
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingeducation

Top ten least popular prom themes

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10. One Night on a Carnival Cruise!

9. Donald Sterling’s Plantation Hoedown

8. Journey to the Center of My Pants
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingeducation

Top ten signs you’re not going to graduate from high school this year

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10. On your British Literature final, you put Pride and Prejudice was written by Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling

9. The only times you’ve ever raised your hand in class involved needing to pee

8. Your son is in the same grade you are
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingon the law

Top ten excuses of Lonnie Hutton, a 49-year-old Murfreesboro, Tennessee man who was arrested for trying to have sex with an ATM machine

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10. “Why not have sex with a cash machine? I mean, if it’s good enough for Donald Sterling’s girlfriend…”

9. “I thought it was a sperm bank.”

8. “I couldn’t control myself. The ATM was shakin’ its money maker.”
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adviceBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten signs your house needs a spring cleaning

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10. Your dust bunnies are breeding like rabbits

9. The Health Department has you on speed dial

8. Your Christmas tree is left over from the President Bush years – the first President Bush
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s top ten campaign slogans

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10. Rob Ford: A Crack Politician If Ever There Was One!

9. The Mayor Who Just Won’t Quit!

8. My First Term Doesn’t Count! I Was In a Drunken Stupor!
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingsports

Top ten excuses of Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling

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10. “I’m no racist! My basketball team is well over half black!”

9. “Poor people and middle-class people are racists; billionaires are just eccentric.”

8. “I’m no more racist than my good buddy, Cliven Bundy.”
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtravel & foreign lands

Top ten reasons the Putins got divorced

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10. They were married for 30 years. Enough is enough!

9. Mrs. Putin was hoping, in the divorce settlement, she’d get half of Russia.

8. Edward Snowden leaked some photos of Vladimir in flagrante delicto with Russia gymnast Alina Kabaeva.
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adviceBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten driving tips

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10. DON’T KEEP SWITCHING LANES. Research has shown that changing lanes rarely gets you there faster in the long run, and so many accidents happen from changing lanes, especially if you’re all the way over to the left and want to move to the right, and there’s some guy to your right like half a car-length back, right in your blind spot.

9. WATCH OUT FOR THE OTHER GUY. if you’re that driver to the right of Driver #1, keep out of his blind spot as much as possible, but if you’re passing (and why are you passing on the left?) and are momentarily in his blind spot, be ready to tap on your brakes, swerve a little to the right, and maybe honk all at the same time!

8. LOOK AT THINGS HOLISTICALLY. If you’re to the right of Driver #2 while he’s passing Driver #1, be aware that he may suddenly swerve a little to the right.
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingreligion & philosophy

Top ten ways the new hip progressive Pope Francis is celebrating Easter Sunday

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10. Instead of blessing everyone from his balcony, he’s doing his monologue from ground level, like Leno.

9. He’s inviting Benedict XVI over for an afternoon showing of Philomena.

8. He’s holding an Easter Egg Roll – not that kind – he’s just calling his local Chinese to order 3,000 egg rolls!

7. He’s starting his own Easter papal ‘white smoke’ tradition (wink wink), followed by a Council of the Cardinals discussion of how current Theological thinking fits in with today’s debate between String Theory and Loop Quantum Gravity.
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingreligion & philosophy

Top ten lines from a joke you have until April 20 to memorize, so you can recite it at Easter Dinner

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10. Tom, Dick, and Harry are in a VW when they have a head-on collision with a Mack truck.

9. Suddenly, they find themselves walking across these white billowy clouds towards there pearly gates.

8. As they start running towards the gates, St. Peter swoops in and says, “Wait a second, you can’t just come buzzing in here like you own the place!…”
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingreligion & philosophy

Top ten people going to hell

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10. People who say, “No offence, but…” and then keep on talking.

9. Telemarketers/robocallers.

8. People who prove every day that there really is such a thing as a dumb question.

7. Any dentist who tries to carry on a conversation while your mouth is chockfull of Novocain and metal torture instruments.

6. Most of the One Percent (the gang under the Koch Brothers will have their own wing!).

5. That guy in the car in front of me who’s texting so he doesn’t notice the light has turned green, and I can’t honk because it’s the city and this guy could be packin’, and when he finally realizes that the light’s green, there’s just enough time for one car to make it though: his.

4. People who say “Spoiler Alert”, then spoil the movie or show or game or whatever-it-is before you have a chance to stop them.

3. People who remember all of an endless involved joke…except the punchline.

2. Women who wear so much perfume/cologne, if they stand too long in one place, they leave a puddle.

1. Fred Phelps – the recently-deceased head of the Westboro Baptist Church who was always conducting those anti-gay protests at military funerals, as if one had anything to do with the other, not to mention the mental anguish they caused – Oh, wait…He’s already there.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten “Did you know…?”s

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10. Did you know that the bigger they are, the harder they’re going to hit you?

9. Did you know that the reason all nurses carry red pens is so that they can draw blood?

8. Did you know that there’s no use beating a dead horse – unless you’re into that kinda thing?

7. Did you know that while two out of three may not be bad, it’s still below 70%, so you’ve just failed your pop quiz?

6. Did you know that the best way to a man’s heart is up between his third and fourth ribs?

5. Did you know that a tree falling in the forest with no one there to hear it, also probably doesn’t have anyone there to see it either, which would have been much better proof?!

4. Did you know that, now that graphic designer Fernando Sosa has designed a butt plug shaped like Vladimir Putin, Sosa can just use Vladimir’s last name as the instructions?

3. Did you know that four out of five doctors think that that fifth guy is a moron!

2. Did you know that cauliflower is really just broccoli that once received a severe freight?

1. Did you know that Sarah Palin thinks “Ukraine” is the name of a construction site equipment rental business?
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrace & culture

Top ten Irish euphemisms for having sex

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10. Shagging

9. Knocking Knickers

8. Licking the Leprechaun

7. Drowning the Shillelagh

6. Mashing Potatoes

5. Sharing a Gallon o’ Guinness

4. Putting the Overalls in Mrs. Murphy’s Chowder

3. Coaxing a Rainbow Out of the Pot o’ Gold

2. Knicking Knockers

1. The Wearin’ o’ the Grin
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten other names considered for Shmeat, the world’s first meat grown in a test tube

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10. Shamburgers

9. Peking Yuck

8. Barbecue Fibs

7. Not Dogs

6. Gulp Fiction

5. Faked Goods

4. Mis-Steak

3. Sloppy Faux

2. Frankenfurters

1. Spam
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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