10. I need a punctuation mark that’s halfway between a period and an exclamation point, so I can answer texts without sounding bored or insane.
9. I didn’t pay my syntax, so I got a poorly constructed prison sentence.
8. I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks – which was way too literal for me!
7. A girl texted me, “Your adorable,” I texted back, “No, YOU’RE adorable,” and now we’re married – when all I was trying to do was correct her typo.
6. If I had a dollar for every time I leave something unfinished,
5. There’s a fine line between hyphenated words.
4. Sometimes I use phrases that I don’t understand, and vice versa.
3. I seek eloquence, but I’d be satisfied with coherence.
2. I saw a teacher beating a student about the head while screaming, “Die! Die! Die!” so I guess, from now on, that kid will remember what the singular of ‘Dice’ is.
1. If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.