Entries Tagged as 'politics & government'

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Donald Trump jokes

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10. “I think Donald Trump has said he’s qualified to be President because of his business record. A few days ago, he said, and I quote, ‘I’m going to do for the country what I did for my business.’ So let’s take a look at what he did for his business. He’s written a lot of books about business; they all seem to end at Chapter 11.” — Hillary Clinton

9. “Republicans are blaming President Obama for creating Donald Trump. While others say he was created in a lab when a young real estate developer was bitten by a radioactive douchebag.” — Conan O’Brien

8. “Nearly 70 percent of Americans said a Trump presidency would make them ‘anxious.’ And 30 percent said a Trump presidency would make them ‘Canadian.’” — Conan O’Brien

7. “Donald Trump is America’s back mole. It may have seemed harmless a year ago, but now that it’s become frighteningly bigger, it’s no longer wise to ignore it.” — John Oliver

6. “In a prepared speech last night, Donald Trump told supporters he is going to ‘take care of our African-American people’ – though I don’t think he should have added ‘once and for all.’” — Seth Meyers

5. “At a rally over the weekend, Donald Trump was surrounded by Secret Service agents after a man tried to rush the stage. The Secret Service said the man was dangerous and disturbed, but they had to protect him anyway. Proving once and for all, the best way to keep everyone safe and sound is to build a wall around Donald Trump.” — Jimmy Fallon

4. “In an interview this morning, Donald Trump said mosques need to be ‘watched and studied’ because he believes they may spread hateful views. In related news, Donald Trump needs to be watched and studied.” — Seth Meyers

3. “Bernie Sanders picked up his fourth union endorsement this week from the Amalgamated Transit Union. Meanwhile, Donald Trump has yet to pick up any union endorsements, but does have several from The Confederacy.” — Seth Meyers

2. “A protester had to be escorted out of a Donald Trump rally last night for yelling, ‘Trump’s a racist.’ The protester was removed because the Trump campaign has that phrase copyrighted.” — Seth Meyers

1. “I’m voting for Hillary, because better the devil you know…than the Actual Devil!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

ends & oddmoney

Meet the start-ups that are thriving in the current economic recovery

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The economy is doing really, really well. The signs are all around. The job market is so good that even ROBOTS are getting hired. Young adults are choosing to spend quality time with their parents rather than moving into their own homes. Inflation is so low that you can get a new iPad for about the same price as the previous iPad. Don’t listen to the doom-and-gloom: in this incredible economic climate people are making money hand over fist. To set the record straight and advance the true narrative I’ve written this hard-hitting, unflinching look at some of the most impressive new businesses that are taking advantage of the modern economic recovery.

 

SURPRISE! DINNER: Food delivery services are all the rage—even for the budget-conscious. That’s where Surprise! Dinner comes in. Their network of reasonably-compensated employees rummage through the leftovers of the customers of Fresh Direct, Peapod, Magic Kitchen, Hello Fresh, Farm Fresh To You, and more—and then deliver the findings to you! Customers get tasty, surprising, and gently used food items (some of it was even organic at one time). And for those on an extra tight budget, check out Surprise! Dinner Basics, which rummages the refuse of Surprise! Dinner clients, and brings customers the results at a further discount!   [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten things Donald Trump has to say about the person he loves the most

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10. “I say not in a braggadocious way: I’ve made billions of billions of dollars making deals all over the world.”

9. “Nobody knows the system better than me.”

8. “I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me.”

7. “Nobody would be tougher on ISIS than Donald Trump.”

6. “I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.”

5. “Nobody respects women more than I do.”

4. “I could be more presidential than anybody.”

3. “There’s nobody bigger or better at the military than I am.”

2. [when asked who he speaks with consistently about foreign policy] “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of things.”

1. “Nobody loves The Bible more than I do.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

politics & government

Trump-Cruz wedding rocks presidential race

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Love, like a large bear, is unstoppable, as the surprise marriage of leading Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Ted Cruz proves.

“Lyin’ Ted is now Lovin’ Ted,” Trump declared at the joint announcement of their union, before resuming gazing deeply into his soul mate’s squinty eyes.

“Same-sex marriage is fundamentally illegitimate, lawless, unconstitutional… and absolutely wonderful!” Cruz squealed as he attempted to run his hands through his life partner’s lustrous orange-y mane.

Leading political analysts acknowledged they were surprised by the development.

“The data did not indicate this,” said statistician Nate Silver. “Then again, there’s one event all my fancy numbers can’t predict: love. Come back to me, Sarah!” [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Donald Trump epic fails

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10. Trump Steak. On March 8, 2016, Donald Trump arranged a display table covered with steaks, bottles of wine and water, and a magazine, to show just a few of his many successes, countering what Mitt Romney had said about his businesses. But nowadays, there is no such thing as Trump Steak. There used to be, in 2007, when they were sold through the Sharper Image catalogue, but they were discontinued because, according to Sharper Image’s then CEO, “We literally sold almost no steaks.” Ironically, the steaks on his table bore the logo “Bush Brothers.”

9. Trump Wine and Trump Water. Despite his assurance at his press conference that Trump Wine is “the largest winery on the East Coast, I own it 100% – no mortgage, no debt – you can all check, you have to go check the record, folks – in fact, the press, I’m asking you please check,” when the press checked, they found the website for Trump Wine stated, “Trump Winery is a registered trade name of Eric Trump Wine Manufacturing LLC, which is not owned, managed or affiliated with Donald J. Trump, The Trump Organization or any of their affiliates.” The bottled water is nothing more than generic water with Trump’s name slapped on it.

8. Trump World Magazine. This magazine, which came out four times a year beginning in 2007, was never a big money maker, and its publisher, Niche Media, pulled the plug in 2009. What he held up was an annual brochure called The Jewel of Palm Beach that promotes some of his properties.
[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Now that penis size has become an issue in the current Presidential race (thanks to Mark Rubio and Donald Trump), top ten nicknames for Presidential penises

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10. President Abraham Lincoln: The Rail Splitter

9. President George W. Bush: My Weapon of Mass Destruction

8. President George H. W. Bush: The Idiot Producer

7. President Jimmy Carter: Peanut

6. President Bill Clinton: The Troublemaker

5. President Harry S. Truman: The Fuck Stops Here

4. President Ronald Reagan: The Big Gipper

3. President Theodore Roosevelt: The Rough Rider

2. President Lyndon Johnson: Johnson’s Johnson

1. President Richard M. Nixon: Tricky Dick
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Donald Trump contradictions

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10. (in his 2000 book The America We Deserve) “I support the ban on assault weapons and I support a slightly longer waiting period to purchase a gun.”

9. (in 2015) “We have a lot of people that are killed by guns, but I’m a big Second Amendment person. You know when the prisoners escaped up in New York, which was a tragedy in itself, people who were against guns said, ‘Thank God we have guns.’ I don’t want to do anything to violate the Second Amendment. To me the Second Amendment is very important.”

8. (in 1990, re the war on drugs) “You have to legalize drugs to win that war. You have to take the profit away from these drug czars.”

7. (in 2015, when asked if legalizing marijuana in Colorado was a good or bad experiment) “I say it’s bad. Medical marijuana is another thing, but I think it’s bad, and I feel strongly about that.”

6. (in 1999, on Meet the Press) “Look, I’m very pro-choice. I hate the concept of abortion. I hate it. I hate everything it stands for. I cringe when I listen to people debating the subject, but you still — I just believe in choice. Again, it might have a little to do with a New York background, because there are some different attitudes in different parts of the country … but again, I am strongly for choice, and yet I hate the concept of abortion. I am pro-choice in every respect, but I just hate it.”

5. (on Laura Ingram’s radio show in 2011) “Who said I’m pro-choice? Look, I’m pro-life. I’ve said it. I’m very strong there. And, I’m strong on pro-life.”

4. (in 1991, when Ku Klux Klan grand wizard David Duke ran for governor of Louisiana and got 55% of the White vote) “I hate seeing what it represents, but I guess it just shows there’s a lot of hostility in this country. There’s a tremendous amount of hostility in the United States.”

3. (in 2000, when Trump said he wouldn’t seek the Reform Party nomination because he felt the party was self-destructing) “Well, you’ve got David Duke just joined – a bigot, a racist, a problem. I mean, this is not exactly the people you want in your party.”

2. (in a 2000 press release) “The Reform Party now includes a Klansman, Mr. Duke, a neo-Nazi, Mr. Buchanan, and a communist, Ms. Fulani. This is not company I wish to keep.”

1. (when asked, on February 28, 2016, to say he didn’t want the vote of David Duke or other White supremacists) “Well, just so you understand: I don’t know anything about David Duke, okay? I don’t know what you’re even talking about with White supremacy or White supremacists, so I don’t know….I know nothing about David Duke. I know nothing about White supremacists, and so you’re asking me a question that I’m supposed to be talking about people that I know nothing about….Honestly, I don’t know David Duke, I don’t believe I’ve ever met him, I’m pretty sure I didn’t meet him, and I just don’t know anything about him.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

ends & oddMr. Sean goes to Washington

Chris Christie: why only the unemployed should run for president

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New Jersey is a state that once had a governor reveal during a single press conference:

  1. He was resigning.
  2. Because of an affair.
  3. With a man.

For most states, this would be plenty to process, but our suddenly former governor didn’t even mention that the man was about to start suing him for sexual harassment and that their falling out stemmed from that man, an Israeli poet, losing his job as the state’s homeland security adviser, a $110,000 a year position for which he had virtually no qualifications beyond the aforementioned affair with the governor.

That was the administration of Jim McGreevey.

Former presidential candidate Chris Christie wishes he could rise to this level of professionalism. Disastrous as McGreevey was as New Jersey’s governor, he still has one big edge over Christie: he occasionally spent time in New Jersey. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten actual Donald Trump quotes

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10. “A well-educated black has a tremendous advantage over a well-educated white in terms of the job market. [I]f I were starting off today, I would love to be a well-educated black, because I believe they do have an actual advantage.” (NBC News, September 1989)

9. “Our great African American President hasn’t exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore!” (Twitter, April 28, 2015)

8. “I have black guys counting my money. … I hate it. The only guys I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes all day.” (USA Today, May 20, 1991)

7. “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.” (Fox News Republican Debate, August 6, 2015

6. “Who the fuck knows? I mean, really, who knows how much the Japs will pay for Manhattan property these days?” (TIME, January 1989)

5. “I don’t have a racist bone in my body.” (Entertainment Tonight, July 1, 2015)

4. “There’s nothing I love more than women, but they’re really a lot different than portrayed. They are far worse than men, far more aggressive.” (The Art of the Comeback, 1997)

3. “You have to treat women like shit.” (New York Magazine, November 9, 1992)

2. “You know, it really doesn’t matter what they write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” (Esquire, 1991)

1. “My daughter Ivanka does have the best body. She’s really something; what a beauty, that one. If I weren’t happily married and, ya know, her father…” (The Howard Stern Show and Rolling Stone)
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten things overheard at last Thursday’s GOP debate

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10. “Boy, with Megyn Kelly starin’ at those ten dudes, it looks like the worst episode of The Bachelorette ever!”

9. “Have you seen that ad where Ted Cruz wraps bacon around the barrel of an assault rifle and fires off some shots so it’s sizzling? We can’t elect him; obviously he’s into pork-barrel politics.”

8. “So whose hair do you think is weirder, Trump’s or Rand Paul’s?”

7. “I don’t think life begins with conception. I think it begins when the guy says, ‘Do you come here often?’”

6. “Sure, I’d tap that Megyn Kelly. At least she’s not a fat pig like Rosie O’Donnell.”

5. “I think we should elect Ben Carson. I mean, once you go black…”

4. “I hear Trump’s called Immigration and is trying to get Marco Rubio deported.”

3. “Scott Walker promised, if he’s elected President, he’s going to change the preamble to The Constitution from ‘We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union…’ to ‘We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect country…’”

2. “Fox News tries to live up to its motto: ‘Fair and Balanced.’ To keep the debate fair, they’re not asking any questions involving math, and to keep it balanced, they’re putting Chris Christie on one side and the other nine on the other side.”

1. “Yeah I’d be willing to put Sarah Palin in my cabinet. At least she’s not a lipstick-wearing pig like Rosie O’Donnell.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Donald Trump campaign slogans

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10. “Vote for me, or you’re all fired!”

9. “Elect me and I’ll not only reveal my net worth, I’ll tell you what that thing is on my head!”

8. “Who needs the Mexican vote anyway?”

7. “What’s better than a first lady who’s really really hot? – and if she ages in office, I promise to get a new one!”

6. “Comb over to my side!”

5. “Vote for me! I’m really really really really rich!”

4. “Are you better off than you were four wives ago?”

3. “Look at it this way: if I’m president, I won’t have time to tape Celebrity Apprentice.”

2. “Why should North Korea be the only country led by an egomaniac with weird hair?”

1. “Vote for me! I fuckin’ dare ya!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten favorite bumper stickers I’ve actually seen (political)

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10. How Many Armed Psychopaths Does It Take To Change A Gun Law?

9. I Don’t Mind You Being Rich – I DO Mind You Buying The Government

8. Politics Is The Entertainment Division Of The Military-Industrial Complex

7. We Are Creating Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them

6. War Is Terrorism With A Bigger Budget

5. Do You Hear Crazy Voices? – Turn Off Fox News

4. Corporate Media: The Rich Telling The Middle Class To Blame The Poor

3. You Keep Your Bill O’Reilly – I’ll Keep My Bill O’Rights

2. I’ll Believe Corporations Are People When Texas Executes One

1. I Went To The Tea Party, But All I Got Was Kool-Aid
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten suggested Mitt Romney campaign slogans

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10. Romney: Third Time’s the Charm!

9. “I and my magic underwear will turn this country around!”

8. He Believes In America (Though He Banks In The Caymans)

7. “This time I’ll beat Obama for sure!”

6. Romney: “Let’s make the White House my fifth home!”

5. It’s Time for Rich White Guys to Have Some Power!

4. “Vote for Me, I’m Full of Mitt!”

3. He’s Not As Dumb As He Looks!

2. “Let me rescue you from affordable health care, low unemployment, falling gas prices, and a record high stock market!”

1. “I stand for Truth, Justice,…and a Third Thing!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

diatribespolitics & government

Some Thoughts on Charlie Hebdo

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Today, while walking past the Center for Jewish History on West 16th Street in New York, I observed four policemen with submachine guns; several other patrolmen; a patrol car; and a police dog. Unless there’s some specific threat I don’t know about, this strikes me as a bit of an overreaction to what happened in Paris last week. Forgive me for saying what I believe: it amounts to feeding and encouraging paranoia, at the taxpayers’ expense. [Read more →]

diatribespolitics & government

The Matter with Kansas

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American politics is an endlessly fascinating procession of national and local selfies: little snapshots that tell us a little bit from moment to moment about who we are as a country. And often those snapshots are split-screen, presenting conflicting images of a nation that is not just deeply divided ideologically but also riven by conflicts, paradoxes, and contradictions. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

After the botched lethal injection in Arizona, top ten better ways to execute a condemned man

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10. Check him into a VA hospital

9. Put him in a time machine, and let Joseph Gordon-Levitt deal with him at the other end

8. Give him an all-expenses-paid vacation to the Gaza Strip

7. Have Paula Deen prepare his last meal

6. Send him to Atlanta, and make one of those Ebola doctors his roomie

5. Book him a flight on Malaysia Airlines

4. Hand him the keys to a General Motors car

3. Send him to Texas, where they execute so many inmates, they’ve installed electric bleachers

2. Force him to watch the Sarah Palin Channel 24/7

1. Have him stand between Chris Christie and an all-you-can-eat buffet
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten new shows on the Sarah Palin Channel

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10. Whose Lie Is It Anyway?

9. B.J. and the Mama Grizzly

8. Minimal Minds

7. Combat Drone Moose Hunt

6. Are You Dumber Than A Fifth Grader?

5. Under the Nome

4. How I Met Your Teenage Unwed Mother

3. The Big Benghazi Theory

2. Wasilla Gorilla

1. The Tina Fey Hour
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Now that Warren G. Harding’s love letters to his mistress have revealed that he used to refer to his penis as ‘Jerry’, top ten other nicknames for Presidential penises

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10. President Lincoln: The Rail Splitter

9. President George W. Bush: My Weapon of Mass Destruction

8. President George H. W. Bush: The Idiot Producer

7. President Jimmy Carter: Peanut

6. President Bill Clinton: The Troublemaker

5. President Harry S. Truman: The Fuck Stops Here

4. President Ronald Reagan: The Big Gipper

3. President Theodore Roosevelt: The Rough Rider

2. President Lyndon Johnson: Johnson’s Johnson

1. President Richard M. Nixon: Tricky Dick
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s top ten campaign slogans

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10. Rob Ford: A Crack Politician If Ever There Was One!

9. The Mayor Who Just Won’t Quit!

8. My First Term Doesn’t Count! I Was In a Drunken Stupor!

7. Just Say ‘Yes’!

6. Changing Canada’s Image One Toke at a Time!

5. This Mayor Is Smokin’!

4. Rob Ford: You Name a Substance and He’ll Abuse It!

3. A Truly Unique Individual! (A Fat Crack Addict!)

2. Rob Ford: He’s Addictive!

1. PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Chris Christie excuses for Bridgegate

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10. “It was a traffic study: We were studying how far you could push a Jersey guy, already stuck in traffic for eight hours, before he starts punchin’ headlights!”

9. “I figured if thousands of commuters were stranded in Fort Lee, it had to be great for the local economy!”

8. “Would you believe: ‘I don’t remember, I was in a drunken stupor’?”

7. “I had to get back at that prick Mayor Sokolich somehow, and we don’t stick horses’ heads in people’s beds anymo…I mean…ever.

6. “Last year, my wife Mary Pat asked me to make arrangements to move our weekly bridge game from Monday September Ninth to Friday the Thirteenth, and I’d had a couple drinks, and I may have dialed the office instead, and then gotten totally confused!”

5. “My ‘appointees’ were just tryin’ to impress me –- tryin’ to guess what I’d do –- so they brought everything goin’ outta Fort Lee to a halt for a week, it was huge news from Day One, and I’m Governor and I don’t hear about it for a friggin’ week?!… Yep, that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.”

4. “I was just fulfilling my campaign promise to do everything in my power to keep jobs from from leavin’ Jersey.”

3. “The George Washington Bridge is the world’s busiest motor vehicle bridge –- it needed a rest!!!!!!!

2. “I thought I could get away with it.”

1. “I still think that.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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