Entries Tagged as 'politics & government'

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

After the botched lethal injection in Arizona, top ten better ways to execute a condemned man

No Gravatar

10. Check him into a VA hospital

9. Put him in a time machine, and let Joseph Gordon-Levitt deal with him at the other end

8. Give him an all-expenses-paid vacation to the Gaza Strip

7. Have Paula Deen prepare his last meal

6. Send him to Atlanta, and make one of those Ebola doctors his roomie

5. Book him a flight on Malaysia Airlines

4. Hand him the keys to a General Motors car

3. Send him to Texas, where they execute so many inmates, they’ve installed electric bleachers

2. Force him to watch the Sarah Palin Channel 24/7

1. Have him stand between Chris Christie and an all-you-can-eat buffet
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten new shows on the Sarah Palin Channel

No Gravatar

10. Whose Lie Is It Anyway?

9. B.J. and the Mama Grizzly

8. Minimal Minds

7. Combat Drone Moose Hunt

6. Are You Dumber Than A Fifth Grader?

5. Under the Nome

4. How I Met Your Teenage Unwed Mother

3. The Big Benghazi Theory

2. Wasilla Gorilla

1. The Tina Fey Hour
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Now that Warren G. Harding’s love letters to his mistress have revealed that he used to refer to his penis as ‘Jerry’, top ten other nicknames for Presidential penises

No Gravatar

10. President Lincoln: The Rail Splitter

9. President George W. Bush: My Weapon of Mass Destruction

8. President George H. W. Bush: The Idiot Producer

7. President Jimmy Carter: Peanut

6. President Bill Clinton: The Troublemaker

5. President Harry S. Truman: The Fuck Stops Here

4. President Ronald Reagan: The Big Gipper

3. President Theodore Roosevelt: The Rough Rider

2. President Lyndon Johnson: Johnson’s Johnson

1. President Richard M. Nixon: Tricky Dick
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s top ten campaign slogans

No Gravatar

10. Rob Ford: A Crack Politician If Ever There Was One!

9. The Mayor Who Just Won’t Quit!

8. My First Term Doesn’t Count! I Was In a Drunken Stupor!

7. Just Say ‘Yes’!

6. Changing Canada’s Image One Toke at a Time!

5. This Mayor Is Smokin’!

4. Rob Ford: You Name a Substance and He’ll Abuse It!

3. A Truly Unique Individual! (A Fat Crack Addict!)

2. Rob Ford: He’s Addictive!

1. PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Chris Christie excuses for Bridgegate

No Gravatar

10. “It was a traffic study: We were studying how far you could push a Jersey guy, already stuck in traffic for eight hours, before he starts punchin’ headlights!”

9. “I figured if thousands of commuters were stranded in Fort Lee, it had to be great for the local economy!”

8. “Would you believe: ‘I don’t remember, I was in a drunken stupor’?”

7. “I had to get back at that prick Mayor Sokolich somehow, and we don’t stick horses’ heads in people’s beds anymo…I mean…ever.

6. “Last year, my wife Mary Pat asked me to make arrangements to move our weekly bridge game from Monday September Ninth to Friday the Thirteenth, and I’d had a couple drinks, and I may have dialed the office instead, and then gotten totally confused!”

5. “My ‘appointees’ were just tryin’ to impress me –- tryin’ to guess what I’d do –- so they brought everything goin’ outta Fort Lee to a halt for a week, it was huge news from Day One, and I’m Governor and I don’t hear about it for a friggin’ week?!… Yep, that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.”

4. “I was just fulfilling my campaign promise to do everything in my power to keep jobs from from leavin’ Jersey.”

3. “The George Washington Bridge is the world’s busiest motor vehicle bridge –- it needed a rest!!!!!!!

2. “I thought I could get away with it.”

1. “I still think that.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten things the Republicans achieved through the Government Shutdown

No Gravatar

10. Bupkiss

9. Goose egg

8. Jack squat

7. Zippo

6. Nada

5. Sweet Fanny Adams

4. Naught

3. Jack shit

2. Diddly-Squat

1. Fuckall
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten least essential government agencies

No Gravatar

10. Department of the Exterior

9. Environmental Protection Racket

8. Office of Government Ethics

7. Customs and Border Collies

6. Department of Veterans Extramarital Affairs

5. John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Seals

4. Radio Free Credit Report

3. Federal Shutting-Down Administration

2. The U.S. Congress

1. The Twerks Progress Administration
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

politics & governmentterror & war

The dawn of Syrian conflict

No Gravatar

On Monday, Secretary of State John Kerry confirmed that President Bashar Assad of Syria had used chemical weapons against hundreds of innocent civilians. It looks like we are once again faced with an all too familiar decision to make – continue to let atrocities occur and the situation escalate, or take meaningful action that deescalates the situation but subjects the United States into another overseas military snafu. [Read more →]

diatribespolitics & government

Facts, values and our politics

No Gravatar

A conundrum is emerging that confounds my understanding, limited as it may be, of politics and economics.   [Read more →]

politics & governmentterror & war

Of Russian resets and NSA leaks

No Gravatar

In 2001 President Bush met Vladimir Putin at a summit in Slovenia. They met to discuss post-Soviet debt, among other things, but Bush saw their initial meeting as a chance to form a strong relationship with a key player in global politics. According to Decision Points, Putin was rough around the edges, but softened up when W. inquired about a cross that Putin had had blessed in Jerusalem. It was the sentimental story of Putin’s cross and this shared moment that had led Bush to suggest that he had looked into Putin’s soul. But if he really had, he would not have been so impressed. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Anthony Weiner excuses

No Gravatar

10. “Look, if people were willing to give me a second chance, why not a third?”

9. “I’m very proud of the staff I have under me.”

8. “I thought the name Carlos Danger would win me the Latino vote.”

7. “I’m an unrepentant horndog.”

6. “To prove I’m a good Democrat, I wanted to demonstrate that I lean a bit to the left.”

5. “The first time, my wife forgave me, and that wasn’t my plan.”

4. “I got confused about the term ‘junk mail’.”

3. “I had some new camera angles I wanted to try out.”

2. “I thought I could get some acting work, playing Carlos Danger on one of Telemundo’s telenovelas.”

1. “I wanted to show that, no matter how hard things get, I’m willing to stick it out.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

politics & governmentterror & war

Too much news is good news for Mullah Omar

No Gravatar

Is there such thing as too much news? It seems that if there are enough distractions, like a bankrupt Detroit or a royal baby, people will forget or grow bored of other issues in our world that are more serious and still unresolved. [Read more →]

politics & governmentThe Emperor decrees

The Emperor decrees that all politicians must wear the Emperor’s new clothes

No Gravatar

I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. NSA1: The Emperor has allowed this Obama fellow to oversee things in America, so far. He has allowed this because it pleases him to do so. Alas, the Emperor is now becoming vexed. “Why is the Great One vexed,” you ask? It is because, for some reason, Mr. Obama and his fellow officials are starting to act like Emperors. There is only one Emperor; only one divinely-appointed Overlord who wields the right to pry into your tiny little personal lives; to search through your phone calls without probable cause; to arrest you in the middle of the night on a whim; to kiss your sister at will. It is I. He. It is he. (It’s hard to keep pronouns straight when one is always talking in the third person. When he is always talking in the third person. We? Ah, bugger it.) However, the Emperor is willing to allow this governmental snooping to continue, so long as the petty rulers in America submit to the punishment below.

The Punishment: All politicians will, henceforth, serve out their terms in loin cloths. (The women in American government may add seashell brassieres, if they are inclined toward modesty.) This should serve a reminder to them, on a daily basis, of what it means to feel “exposed,” as do the citizens of America, to ever-increasing degrees. Even ground. That’s what it’s all about. Equality. (Except for us. Me. We. You know what I mean. The Emperor.)

Now, go forth and obey.

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten new Obama scandals as reported by Fox News

No Gravatar

10. That, at one state dinner, Obama strongly implied that the defrosted ham was actually fresh!

9. The scandal of Obama hiding something about his heritage: he’s mostly Irish

8. The disgrace of Obama once meeting heads of state wearing a clip-on

7. The fact that Obama really really wanted to call his first daughter Clinique

6. That Obama recently sanctioned killer computer worms able to zap any computer user who dare read this Top Ten list

5. Obama sinking so low as to make the ridiculous accusation that Fox News is screaming ‘scandal’ ‘scandal’ ‘scandal’ ‘scandal’ infinity-times-infinity times just in the hopes that, eventually, something might stick

4. The Smell-Of-Cigarette-Smoke-After-Midnight Scandal!

3. That, when Obama was three, he once advertently stared up a grass skirt

2. That Obama smoked so much dope in Hawaii, it has undoubtedly kept him from even greater things – than being the most powerful man on the face of the earth

1. White-After-Labor-Day-Gate
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten ways the United States could make or save money

No Gravatar

10. Have policemen and firefighters work on commission

9. Convince the EU to go in with us on a Groupon

8. Rent out Mount Rushmore to rappelling clubs

7. Put advertisements on our currency

6. Don’t pay mailmen anything, but let them keep whatever’s in every other package

5. Sell one of the Carolinas and one of the Dakotas

4. Put turnstiles in the border wall between Mexico and Texas

3. Charge visitors to the Statue of Liberty ten bucks to look up her robe

2. Turn the National Mall into a real mall

1. Only paying Congressmen for work that actually gets done
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

In case he runs for Mayor of New York City, top ten Anthony Weiner slogans

No Gravatar

10. Vote for a Stand-Up Guy!

9. The Right Man with the Right Staff!

8. Anthony Weiner! – He’s the Full Package!

7. Too Big to Fail!

6. You Can’t Keep a Good Weiner Down!

5. Progress You Can Hang Your Hat On!

4. Anthony Weiner: Hard On Crime!

3. Fighting for Working Stiffs Everywhere!

2. I’m No Quitter! I Plan to Stick It Out!

1. Once an Upstanding Member of Congress!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

politics & governmenttrusted media & news

What I want to know about George W. Bush’s presidential library in Dallas

No Gravatar

 

Howdy y’all- the robot LBJ keeps us yukkin’, pic from here

There are 13 “presidential libraries” in the US. These are grandiose shrines that contain the papers and records of every president since Herbert Hoover. Tomorrow the library dedicated to George W. Bush will open in Dallas and all living presidents will be there to celebrate – rather like one of those episodes of Doctor Who where the current incarnation meets with his past selves to foil a Dalek invasion.

I have visited three of these libraries. The first was Nixon’s, which I explored while staying with a friend in California 10 years ago. At the time, Nixon was still sufficiently notorious that his library was the only one to receive no support from the federal government. Instead it was run by [Read more →]
politics & governmentThe Emperor decrees

The Emperor decrees Mayor Bloomberg to be a hero of the Empire

No Gravatar

I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 1984: We have tried to be delicate about this, so as not to provoke an (unavoidably impotent) uprising among the subjects of the Empire, but, let’s face it, no one in America (especially in America; especially in New York City) is smart enough to make his own choices. It is the place of any governing institution (either on the Imperial or on the city level) to protect the poor fools in our charge. We, the ones in the velvet thrones — those like Mayor Bloomberg and [Read more →]

moneypolitics & government

Pesky flies

No Gravatar

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten things Mitt Romney is doing these days

No Gravatar

10. Driving to Burger King so he can wear that cardboard crown for awhile

9. Making plans for a Caribbean vacation to visit his money

8. Lying to Ann, Taggart, Matthew, Joshua, Benjamin, and Craig, just to keep in practice

7. Playing Monopoly

6. Trying to coax his dog out from under the bed for the family’s annual car trip

5. Blaming the world’s ills on the “takers” who “want stuff,” like food and housing

4. Participating in homoerotic wrestling matches with Paul Ryan

3. E-mailing the Republican National Committee that, if their strategy is to find someone for 2016 who is the 180-degree polar opposite of Romney, he could fill the bill, no problem!

2. Hand washing the skid marks out of his magic underwear

1. Thanking his lucky stars he didn’t win the Presidency, because he really didn’t want to have to move into a smaller house
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Next Page »