Entries Tagged as 'politics & government'

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten suggested Mitt Romney campaign slogans

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10. Romney: Third Time’s the Charm!

9. “I and my magic underwear will turn this country around!”

8. He Believes In America (Though He Banks In The Caymans)

7. “This time I’ll beat Obama for sure!”

6. Romney: “Let’s make the White House my fifth home!”

5. It’s Time for Rich White Guys to Have Some Power!

4. “Vote for Me, I’m Full of Mitt!”

3. He’s Not As Dumb As He Looks!

2. “Let me rescue you from affordable health care, low unemployment, falling gas prices, and a record high stock market!”

1. “I stand for Truth, Justice,…and a Third Thing!”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

diatribespolitics & government

Some Thoughts on Charlie Hebdo

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Today, while walking past the Center for Jewish History on West 16th Street in New York, I observed four policemen with submachine guns; several other patrolmen; a patrol car; and a police dog. Unless there’s some specific threat I don’t know about, this strikes me as a bit of an overreaction to what happened in Paris last week. Forgive me for saying what I believe: it amounts to feeding and encouraging paranoia, at the taxpayers’ expense. [Read more →]

diatribespolitics & government

The Matter with Kansas

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American politics is an endlessly fascinating procession of national and local selfies: little snapshots that tell us a little bit from moment to moment about who we are as a country. And often those snapshots are split-screen, presenting conflicting images of a nation that is not just deeply divided ideologically but also riven by conflicts, paradoxes, and contradictions. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

After the botched lethal injection in Arizona, top ten better ways to execute a condemned man

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10. Check him into a VA hospital

9. Put him in a time machine, and let Joseph Gordon-Levitt deal with him at the other end

8. Give him an all-expenses-paid vacation to the Gaza Strip

7. Have Paula Deen prepare his last meal

6. Send him to Atlanta, and make one of those Ebola doctors his roomie

5. Book him a flight on Malaysia Airlines

4. Hand him the keys to a General Motors car

3. Send him to Texas, where they execute so many inmates, they’ve installed electric bleachers

2. Force him to watch the Sarah Palin Channel 24/7

1. Have him stand between Chris Christie and an all-you-can-eat buffet

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten new shows on the Sarah Palin Channel

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10. Whose Lie Is It Anyway?

9. B.J. and the Mama Grizzly

8. Minimal Minds

7. Combat Drone Moose Hunt

6. Are You Dumber Than A Fifth Grader?

5. Under the Nome

4. How I Met Your Teenage Unwed Mother

3. The Big Benghazi Theory

2. Wasilla Gorilla

1. The Tina Fey Hour

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Now that Warren G. Harding’s love letters to his mistress have revealed that he used to refer to his penis as ‘Jerry’, top ten other nicknames for Presidential penises

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10. President Lincoln: The Rail Splitter

9. President George W. Bush: My Weapon of Mass Destruction

8. President George H. W. Bush: The Idiot Producer

7. President Jimmy Carter: Peanut

6. President Bill Clinton: The Troublemaker

5. President Harry S. Truman: The Fuck Stops Here

4. President Ronald Reagan: The Big Gipper

3. President Theodore Roosevelt: The Rough Rider

2. President Lyndon Johnson: Johnson’s Johnson

1. President Richard M. Nixon: Tricky Dick

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s top ten campaign slogans

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10. Rob Ford: A Crack Politician If Ever There Was One!

9. The Mayor Who Just Won’t Quit!

8. My First Term Doesn’t Count! I Was In a Drunken Stupor!

7. Just Say ‘Yes’!

6. Changing Canada’s Image One Toke at a Time!

5. This Mayor Is Smokin’!

4. Rob Ford: You Name a Substance and He’ll Abuse It!

3. A Truly Unique Individual! (A Fat Crack Addict!)

2. Rob Ford: He’s Addictive!


Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Chris Christie excuses for Bridgegate

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10. “It was a traffic study: We were studying how far you could push a Jersey guy, already stuck in traffic for eight hours, before he starts punchin’ headlights!”

9. “I figured if thousands of commuters were stranded in Fort Lee, it had to be great for the local economy!”

8. “Would you believe: ‘I don’t remember, I was in a drunken stupor’?”

7. “I had to get back at that prick Mayor Sokolich somehow, and we don’t stick horses’ heads in people’s beds anymo…I mean…ever.

6. “Last year, my wife Mary Pat asked me to make arrangements to move our weekly bridge game from Monday September Ninth to Friday the Thirteenth, and I’d had a couple drinks, and I may have dialed the office instead, and then gotten totally confused!”

5. “My ‘appointees’ were just tryin’ to impress me –- tryin’ to guess what I’d do –- so they brought everything goin’ outta Fort Lee to a halt for a week, it was huge news from Day One, and I’m Governor and I don’t hear about it for a friggin’ week?!… Yep, that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.”

4. “I was just fulfilling my campaign promise to do everything in my power to keep jobs from from leavin’ Jersey.”

3. “The George Washington Bridge is the world’s busiest motor vehicle bridge –- it needed a rest!!!!!!!

2. “I thought I could get away with it.”

1. “I still think that.”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten things the Republicans achieved through the Government Shutdown

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10. Bupkiss

9. Goose egg

8. Jack squat

7. Zippo

6. Nada

5. Sweet Fanny Adams

4. Naught

3. Jack shit

2. Diddly-Squat

1. Fuckall

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten least essential government agencies

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10. Department of the Exterior

9. Environmental Protection Racket

8. Office of Government Ethics

7. Customs and Border Collies

6. Department of Veterans Extramarital Affairs

5. John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Seals

4. Radio Free Credit Report

3. Federal Shutting-Down Administration

2. The U.S. Congress

1. The Twerks Progress Administration

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

politics & governmentterror & war

The dawn of Syrian conflict

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On Monday, Secretary of State John Kerry confirmed that President Bashar Assad of Syria had used chemical weapons against hundreds of innocent civilians. It looks like we are once again faced with an all too familiar decision to make – continue to let atrocities occur and the situation escalate, or take meaningful action that deescalates the situation but subjects the United States into another overseas military snafu. [Read more →]

diatribespolitics & government

Facts, values and our politics

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A conundrum is emerging that confounds my understanding, limited as it may be, of politics and economics.   [Read more →]

politics & governmentterror & war

Of Russian resets and NSA leaks

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In 2001 President Bush met Vladimir Putin at a summit in Slovenia. They met to discuss post-Soviet debt, among other things, but Bush saw their initial meeting as a chance to form a strong relationship with a key player in global politics. According to Decision Points, Putin was rough around the edges, but softened up when W. inquired about a cross that Putin had had blessed in Jerusalem. It was the sentimental story of Putin’s cross and this shared moment that had led Bush to suggest that he had looked into Putin’s soul. But if he really had, he would not have been so impressed. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Anthony Weiner excuses

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10. “Look, if people were willing to give me a second chance, why not a third?”

9. “I’m very proud of the staff I have under me.”

8. “I thought the name Carlos Danger would win me the Latino vote.”

7. “I’m an unrepentant horndog.”

6. “To prove I’m a good Democrat, I wanted to demonstrate that I lean a bit to the left.”

5. “The first time, my wife forgave me, and that wasn’t my plan.”

4. “I got confused about the term ‘junk mail’.”

3. “I had some new camera angles I wanted to try out.”

2. “I thought I could get some acting work, playing Carlos Danger on one of Telemundo’s telenovelas.”

1. “I wanted to show that, no matter how hard things get, I’m willing to stick it out.”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

politics & governmentterror & war

Too much news is good news for Mullah Omar

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Is there such thing as too much news? It seems that if there are enough distractions, like a bankrupt Detroit or a royal baby, people will forget or grow bored of other issues in our world that are more serious and still unresolved. [Read more →]

politics & governmentThe Emperor decrees

The Emperor decrees that all politicians must wear the Emperor’s new clothes

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I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. NSA1: The Emperor has allowed this Obama fellow to oversee things in America, so far. He has allowed this because it pleases him to do so. Alas, the Emperor is now becoming vexed. “Why is the Great One vexed,” you ask? It is because, for some reason, Mr. Obama and his fellow officials are starting to act like Emperors. There is only one Emperor; only one divinely-appointed Overlord who wields the right to pry into your tiny little personal lives; to search through your phone calls without probable cause; to arrest you in the middle of the night on a whim; to kiss your sister at will. It is I. He. It is he. (It’s hard to keep pronouns straight when one is always talking in the third person. When he is always talking in the third person. We? Ah, bugger it.) However, the Emperor is willing to allow this governmental snooping to continue, so long as the petty rulers in America submit to the punishment below.

The Punishment: All politicians will, henceforth, serve out their terms in loin cloths. (The women in American government may add seashell brassieres, if they are inclined toward modesty.) This should serve a reminder to them, on a daily basis, of what it means to feel “exposed,” as do the citizens of America, to ever-increasing degrees. Even ground. That’s what it’s all about. Equality. (Except for us. Me. We. You know what I mean. The Emperor.)

Now, go forth and obey.

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten new Obama scandals as reported by Fox News

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10. That, at one state dinner, Obama strongly implied that the defrosted ham was actually fresh!

9. The scandal of Obama hiding something about his heritage: he’s mostly Irish

8. The disgrace of Obama once meeting heads of state wearing a clip-on

7. The fact that Obama really really wanted to call his first daughter Clinique

6. That Obama recently sanctioned killer computer worms able to zap any computer user who dare read this Top Ten list

5. Obama sinking so low as to make the ridiculous accusation that Fox News is screaming ‘scandal’ ‘scandal’ ‘scandal’ ‘scandal’ infinity-times-infinity times just in the hopes that, eventually, something might stick

4. The Smell-Of-Cigarette-Smoke-After-Midnight Scandal!

3. That, when Obama was three, he once advertently stared up a grass skirt

2. That Obama smoked so much dope in Hawaii, it has undoubtedly kept him from even greater things – than being the most powerful man on the face of the earth

1. White-After-Labor-Day-Gate

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten ways the United States could make or save money

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10. Have policemen and firefighters work on commission

9. Convince the EU to go in with us on a Groupon

8. Rent out Mount Rushmore to rappelling clubs

7. Put advertisements on our currency

6. Don’t pay mailmen anything, but let them keep whatever’s in every other package

5. Sell one of the Carolinas and one of the Dakotas

4. Put turnstiles in the border wall between Mexico and Texas

3. Charge visitors to the Statue of Liberty ten bucks to look up her robe

2. Turn the National Mall into a real mall

1. Only paying Congressmen for work that actually gets done

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

In case he runs for Mayor of New York City, top ten Anthony Weiner slogans

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10. Vote for a Stand-Up Guy!

9. The Right Man with the Right Staff!

8. Anthony Weiner! – He’s the Full Package!

7. Too Big to Fail!

6. You Can’t Keep a Good Weiner Down!

5. Progress You Can Hang Your Hat On!

4. Anthony Weiner: Hard On Crime!

3. Fighting for Working Stiffs Everywhere!

2. I’m No Quitter! I Plan to Stick It Out!

1. Once an Upstanding Member of Congress!

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

politics & governmenttrusted media & news

What I want to know about George W. Bush’s presidential library in Dallas

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Howdy y’all- the robot LBJ keeps us yukkin’, pic from here

There are 13 “presidential libraries” in the US. These are grandiose shrines that contain the papers and records of every president since Herbert Hoover. Tomorrow the library dedicated to George W. Bush will open in Dallas and all living presidents will be there to celebrate – rather like one of those episodes of Doctor Who where the current incarnation meets with his past selves to foil a Dalek invasion.

I have visited three of these libraries. The first was Nixon’s, which I explored while staying with a friend in California 10 years ago. At the time, Nixon was still sufficiently notorious that his library was the only one to receive no support from the federal government. Instead it was run by [Read more →]
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