10. The Fat Ugly Face Law: Which bans Rosie O’Donnell from showing her fat ugly face, or any of her other fat ugly parts, in public.
9. The Long Wall Law: Which mandates the building of a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, up the East Coast, along the U.S.-Canadian border, and down the West Coast, to be built by whichever construction company covertly contributes the most money to Trump’s re-election campaign.
8. The P.G. Law: Which gives the Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief carte blanche.
7. The Don’t Ask Law: Which bans gays and lesbians from serving in the military, except maybe for the occasional USO show.
6. The Trickle-Down Law: Which reduces the taxes of corporations and one-percenters to zero, because we know they’re going to spend that extra money like crazy so everybody can get rich.
5. The No-Immigration Law: Which bans all further immigration, because isn’t the country already full enough?
4. The Peekaboo Law: Which will require a government-vetted male to stand outside every men’s room and a government-vetted female to stand outside every ladies’ room to check the genitalia of anyone wishing to use the facilities, with all unisex bathrooms banned outright.
3. Trumpcare: Obamacare’s replacement, which will save millions in federal dollars, and provide each family a DIY health kit containing, for example, a DVD interview with Russian surgeon Leonid Rogozov who, in 1961 Antarctica, was forced to remove his own appendix.
2. The Alternative Facts Law: Which mandates that every atlas and history book publisher must print a second version of each of their books, containing such alternative facts as the thrilling story of how the fearless Donald J. Trump single-handedly took out bin Laden.
1. The Wretched Movie Law: Which bans the showing, airing, or sale of the films A League of Their Own, Sleepless in Seattle, The Flintstones, Exit to Eden, Pitch Perfect 2, or any other movie featuring Rosie O’Donnell.
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.