Entries Tagged as 'recipes & food'

ends & oddhealth & medical

Everyone on TV is dying of cancer

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Seriously, every time I watch a show or listen to a podcast, someone is either dealing with the impending death themselves or had a parent who died of cancer when they were young. At some point I might have to just give up and do a media blackout. What I really need is a cancer rating website. The show/podcast/movie gets a C if it contains cancer death, an NC if there is no cancer reference, and a FY (fuck, yeah) if the storyline contains a person who beat cancer and then died of old age. That should be a thing.
While I’m at it, I would also like a restaurant that serves all the food that fights cancer, prepared deliciously. Everything will be organic. There will be no plastics in the room anywhere, not even in the seat under your bottom. No dairy, no meat, no sugar, no gluten. There will be wild caught salmon on Fridays only (moderation, people!) And maybe, on late Saturday nights, when there is a band (with no cancer songs- EVER) they will serve baked potatoes. This place will know how to make broccoli and brussels sprouts taste amazing (without a grill in site. Because carcinogens.Duh.) It will make the most wonderful dishes out of berries and also mushrooms, not together obvs. There will also be more than one organic tea option, maybe more than 20. The real kick, though, what will sell the place to all the cancer peeps and their friends, is the incredible fact that flax oil and turmeric is added to everything, BUT YOU WILL NEVER TASTE IT! I have to stop, I’m getting excited, and this place will not exist.
I need that restaurant. Feeding myself is a part time job. Trying to eat all organic and fresh takes time. So much chopping. So much shopping. Lucky for me I’m also doing intermittent fasting. That cuts out a meal in the middle, though crafting a healthy snack can sometimes be just as laborious. Can someone invent a self cleaning juicer? I’m asking for a lot today. Better start playing my cancer card.
My other part time job is studying cancer. Today I was trying to figure out the results of some follow up blood work (while I listened to a guy on Fresh Air talk about losing his mom to cancer). No more accepting the CBC form with the results and then throwing it away because I have no idea what it means. Now, I actually need to know what it means. Today it meant that my Vitamin D level is just barely in the normal range, so keep up the supplements. My iron indicators have gone up a bit, but not enough. Still anemic, wah wah. My B12 and folate are good, though, so it’s definitely the iron thing. What I don’t understand is why my platelet count went down to normal. Still looking into that. Hey- maybe the cancer is gone?! WEEEEEEE! No more blogs. The End.

recipes & food

Love is in the air …

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… well, green chile, actually … same thing.

For me, September is one of those times where something touches and excites the senses, bringing fond memories to the surface, and setting me on the path to add yet another page to that particular ‘fond memory’ archive.

It’s chile-roasting time in the southwest … and love truly is in the air … well, for me, at least!
[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten things you don’t want to hear at today’s Memorial Day barbecue

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10. “If the smoke from the grill gets to be too much, just crack a window.”

9. “Oh, before you eat that potato salad, would you mind signing this waiver?”

8. “Yes, I’m a Jehovah’s Witness! I’m glad you asked!”

7. “Why do all the burgers have long, thin tails?”

6. “Zip up, Uncle Jesse; that’s not how we put out a barbecue!”

5. “These GMO burgers actually glow in the dark!”

4. “Is coleslaw supposed to move?”

3. “Why does my hotdog have a fingernail?”

2. “The grill’s rusted through. Better light the tire.”

1. “Who put mayo on top of all the buns? Oh, wait…. Who moved the picnic table under the tree?”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten signs you ate too much on Thanksgiving

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10. While slicing the pumpkin pie, you cut your finger and gravy came out

9. You had to let out your shower curtain

8. People kept saying, “Happy Thanksgiving, Governor Christie!”

7. After the football game, it took two EMT guys and the Jaws of Life to get you out of your Barcalounger

6. You’ve put on so much poundage, in one of the shots of earth in the film The Martian, you are clearly visible

5. You ate all the leftovers…before dessert!

4. You just woke up from your tryptophan coma

3. Your relatives took a picture of you in your Pilgrim outfit, and it’s still printing

2. After the meal, you had to loosen the band on your wristwatch

1. You just caught the flesh eating bacteria, and were given 67 years to live
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten questions for the Butterball Hotline

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10. “Why should I have to stuff a turkey if it’s not hollow to begin with?”

9. “If it says 450 degrees for six hours, would 900 degrees for three hours work as well?”

8. “How about 1,800 degrees for an hour and a half?”

7. “When I stuff a turkey, can I use any old stuff?”

6. “If the turkey is frozen, can I defrost it with a blowtorch?”

5. “How long do I have to microwave a 30-pound turkey?

4. “Can my electric carving knife cut through bone?”

3. “What about human bone?”

2. “If that little thing pops out on my turkey, does that mean it’s sexually aroused?”

1. “What if the turkey isn’t quite dead?”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten leftover Halloween candies

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10. Bad & Plenty

9. Middlefinger

8. Gecko Wafers

7. Baby Ruth Bader Ginsburg

6. Al Gore’s Melted Sno-Caps

5. Bilk Duds

4. Bengali Rancher

3. Cadbury Creme Eggs and Ham

2. I Can’t Believe They’re Not Raisinets

1. Chris Crispies
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten rejected Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavors

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10. That’s My Toe Jam

9. Chris Twisty

8. Tuna Crunch

7. Oh How Waffle

6. Celery

5. Circus Floor Sweepings

4. Rick Berry

3. Asparagus

2. Lobster Ripple

1. Dingleberry Crunch
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten signs you ate too much on Thanksgiving

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10. You pricked your finger for a blood-sugar test, and cranberry sauce came out

9. You’ve pounded on so much poundage, in one of the shots of earth in the film Interstellar, you are clearly visible

8. It took two EMT guys and the Jaws of Life to get you out of your Barcalounger

7. They took a picture of you after the meal, and it’s still printing

6. Both Ben and Jerry have friended you on Facebook

5. You had so many smashed potatoes, you set off another famine in Ireland

4. You’ve gotten several inquiries from representatives of the Butterball Hall of Fame

3. You ate all the leftovers…before dessert

2. After the meal, you had to loosen the band on your wristwatch

1. When people see you from the rear, for some reason they keep calling you “Kim”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

animalsBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Now that the NRA has managed to shoot down a bill in the Pennsylvania House of Representatives which would have made it illegal to offer “a dog or cat for the purpose of human consumption,” top ten new menu items in Pennsylvania restaurants

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10. Whippet cream

9. Collieflower

8. Puppyseed oil

7. Catwurst

6. Kennel cake

5. Springer rolls

4. Greyhound Poupon

3. Chicken poodle soup

2. Macaroni and Burmese

1. Spitz crackers
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten suggested names for Anthony Weiner’s new restaurant

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10. Wienerschnitzel

9. Chuck E. Sleaze’s

8. Red Throbbin’

7. Long Schlong Silver’s

6. Horny & Hardon

5. P. F. Wang’s

4. Dick-fil-A

3. Rock Hard Cafe

2. Jock full o’Nuts

1. Anthony’s Sex-Text Tex-Mex

 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten things you don’t want to hear at Friday’s Fourth of July barbecue

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10. “I knew it was a bad idea to leave the fireworks in the trunk on a day this hot!”

9. “Who invited Eric Cantor? He’s gonna bring everybody down!”

8. “These burgers are actually made with Shmeat — you know, those shamburgers grown in a test tube.”

7. “That’s not mayonnaise; you’re standing under a tree.”

6. “Who stuck Yank My Doodle! It’s A Dandy! into the VCR?”

5. “Where does the burger begin and the charcoal leave off?”

4. “Call 911! Call 911!”

3. “Is Uncle Jerod’s drinking the lighter fluid again?”

2. “I think I just saw the potato salad move.”

1. “Okay, NOBODY LIGHT CIGARETTES OR FIREWORKS NEAR UNCLE JEROD!!!!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

recipes & foodThe Emperor decrees

The Emperor decrees that waiters shall no longer act like guides to the mysteries of the universe

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I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 31-B: What’s with this new trend in restaurants – of the server coming out and introducing himself or herself and then asking, “Have you ever been here before?” as if we are on the precipice of a great leap into the unknown? It’s not physics. It’s not a philosophy seminar. It’s ordering in a restaurant. Restaurant owners: The server  is not raising the perceived value of your food and drinks by acting as the Virgil to our Dante. He really is not, just so you know. The process is quite simple: I tell you what I want; you bring it out to me. I eat it. I pay. I wobble out the door merrily patting the sides of my distended paunch. That’s it. So, quit it with the pretenses.

The Punishment: Minions of the Empire are commanded to order, as usual, upon hearing this ridiculous question, but they are to order soup. Piping hot soup. They are then to pour the soup over the waiter’s head, while apologizing: “Oh! I am sorry. I have never eaten soup here before. Is this not the right way?”

Now, go forth and obey.

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten other names considered for Shmeat, the world’s first meat grown in a test tube

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10. Shamburgers

9. Peking Yuck

8. Barbecue Fibs

7. Not Dogs

6. Gulp Fiction

5. Faked Goods

4. Mis-Steak

3. Sloppy Faux

2. Frankenfurters

1. Spam
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten Pilgrim pick-up lines

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10. “Let’s say you and I ‘bury the hatchet’.”

9. “This is my last chance. We’re shipping out tomorrow.”

8. “I must compliment you on your magnificent spread!”

7. “Care for a little dark meat?”

6. “Just because I am a Puritan does not mean that I am puritanical.”

5. “Indeed, I must unbutton my breeches, as they are on the verge of bursting.”

4. “If you’d just be a little more ‘giving’, I’d certainly extend my ‘thanks’.”

3. “Which dost thou prefer, a leg or a breast?”

2. “Thou art quite handy with thine bow and arrow. How wouldst thou like to place thy shaft into my quiver?”

1. “I doth ache to get mine Plymouth Rocks off.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten new menu items in New Mexico, should a judge’s ruling approving the sale of horse meat be upheld

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10. Quarter Horse Pounder

9. Fury Slurry

8. Colt 45

7. Fetlocks and Bagels

6. Fricasseed Flicka

5. My Little Baloney

4. Stallions and Scallions

3. Thorough Bread

2. Sea Biscuits

1. Filly Cheesesteak
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingfamily & parenting

Top ten things you don’t want to hear at Thursday’s Fourth of July barbecue

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10. “Nobody told me this BBQ was BYO!”

9. “No dessert today; Twinkies won’t be back on the shelf until the fifteenth.”

7. “Who drank all the lighter fluid?”

6. “That’s not mayonnaise; you’re standing under a tree.”

5. “Why does my hot dog have an engagement ring on it?”

4. “I think Gramps lost his hearing aid in the coleslaw again.”

3. “Hope you like tofu burgers!”

2. “Let me tell you all about Joseph Smith and his amazing revelations.”

1. “I knew it was a bad idea to leave the fireworks in the trunk on a day this hot!” 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

recipes & foodThe Emperor decrees

The Emperor decrees that boneless Buffalo wings are banned

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I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 10: Restaurants and taverns in the Empire are no longer allowed to sell “boneless Buffalo wings,” because they are a lie.

The Punishment: Anyone attempting to peddle these meaty imposters will be forced to use wing sauce as aftershave for the span of three weeks.

Now, go forth and obey.

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

recipes & foodThe Emperor decrees

The Emperor decrees that baconphilia will end

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I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 3X-45/17: Alright. Seriously: enough with the bacon. Turkeys-wrapped in bacon; pork chops wrapped in bacon; bacon ice cream; bacon pies; bacon-wrapped bacon over bacon salad with bacon vinaigrette. Bacon T-shirts; Facebook posts celebrating the glories of  bacon. Chocolate-covered bacon; sexy women dressed in bacon thongs. Bacon coffee? Woven bacon goblets? Bacon cereal? It’s only a matter of time before bacon-porn starts up. Sweet Jesu, people! It’s yummy. The Emperor gets it. But it’s no tastier than it was ten years ago. The Emperor wants loyal subjects, not trend-gobblers. (I’m seriously considering banning all Kevin Bacon films, just for good measure.) I blame Emeril Legasse for introducing the moronic culture of cheering enthusiastically for seasonings: GAAAAHLIC!! WOO-HOO!! Cripes, how desperate can we be for fun? BACON! YIPPEE!! Insufferable.

The Punishment: Violators (anyone who devours bacon in any way but in strips, on a plate, next to a few sunny-side eggs) will be put in a 5-by-5 cell, deep in the Imperial Dungeons, with three recently-bacon-whipped wild boars who will exact revenge for their fallen brethren in a most invasive way.

Now, go forth and obey.

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten least popular Halloween candies

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10. Feces’ Pieces

9. Bit-O-Honey Boo Boo

8. Boston Baked Garbanzo Beans

7. Mice Krispie Treats

6. Smelly Belly

5. Almond Soy

4. Dixie Chicks Pixy Stix

3. I Can’t Believe They’re Not Raisinets

2. Baby Ruth Bader Ginsburg

1. Dingleberry Crunch
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten things overheard at today’s Labor Day barbecue

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10. “Hope you like tofu burgers!”

9. “That’s not mayonnaise; you’re standing under a tree.”

8. “Is my hot dog supposed to have an engagement ring on it?”

7. “Which is the burger and which is the charcoal?”

6. “Call 911! Call 911!”

5. “Everything on the grill still has a tail on it!”

4. “Wish somebody had told me this BBQ was BYO!”

3. “Who chugged all the lighter fluid?”

2. “I think Grandma lost her dentures in the potato salad again.”

1. “Is coleslaw supposed to move?”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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