W. H. Auden says somewhere — I believe in one of the essays gathered in The Dyer’s Hand, which I do not happen to have at hand — that he preferred systems of irregular measurement. In other words, inches, yards, and ells to, say, the metric system.
I share that preference, principally because such irregular systems do not pretend to a precision that is in fact unattainable.
Consider the circle.
You know what frightens me a little about us? — people, I mean. We are really eager to accept things the way they are, even if they are way worse than the way they were pretty derned recently.
Oh, sure, we’ll moan about “how it used to be,” but, for the sake of ease, something in our heads makes us want to accept stuff, “as is.” Things go more smoothly that way, I guess.
Or maybe we do this because we feel like we simply can’t stand up effectively against things like plummeting standards. One of the most popular American phrases right now (annoying as I might find it [imagine the whole of the American populace not adjusting its phraseology just to please me]) is: “It is what it is.” Usually, this is a resignation: It ain’t changing. [Read more →]
10. While slicing the pumpkin pie, you cut your finger and gravy came out
9. Your belly button, formerly an innie, is now an outie
8. People kept saying, “Happy Thanksgiving, Gov. Christie!”
[Read more →]
The McRib is a miracle sandwich. It’s something delicious that is made from a bunch of seemingly non-delicious ingredients. This apparently bothers some people.
Some people are just never satisfied.
A couple of my pals live in Vietnam. I want to visit them sometime soon, and one of the things I wish to see is the slaughter of live cobras at local restaurants. It happens, apparently. The Web site Matador Nights has the skinny:
“Munching on cobra parts is likely an adaptation of the Chinese medical belief that ingesting an animal will endow the eater with its positive attributes. This is why tiger penises are so expensive nowadays…
The summer is (sadly) coming to an end and sweet summer corn will soon be a thing of the past. Here is one of my favorite corn recipes….
CRAB AND CORN CAKES WITH CHIPOTLE REMOULADE
10. “I knew it was a bad idea to leave the fireworks in the trunk on a day this hot!”
9. “That’s not mayonnaise; you’re standing under a tree.”
8. “I think Grandma lost her dentures in the coleslaw again.”
7. “I told Phil a thousand times: either lose some weight or don’t stand directly over the septic tank.”
6. “Weird Uncle Frank wants to play his DVD that certainly sounds patriotic; it’s called The British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!”
5. “Why does my hot dog have an engagement ring on it?”
4. “Which is the burger and which is the charcoal?”
3. “I hope nobody minds, but today’s barbecue is completely vegan.”
2. “To give it that little something extra, I put lighter fluid in the punch.”
1. “It’s deer meat! Couldn’t have been in the road more than a day or two.”
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Butter a metal loaf pan. Mix 1 1/3 cups of coarse yellow cornmeal, 1 cup of flour, 1/3 cup of sugar, 2 teaspoons baking powder, and a pinch of salt in a large bowl.
In a separate bowl, combine 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons buttermilk, 9 tablespoons melted butter, and one beaten extra-large egg. Add this to the dry ingredients. Stir with a wooden spoon until well blended. Let it sit for 15 minutes.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Pour the batter into the loaf pan. Bake about 40 minutes. Let it rest in the pan for 5 minutes then remove from the pan and let it cool on a rack.
The first time I made donuts from scratch they were horrible. But that only encouraged me to keep trying. Many batches later, I came up with these almost fool-proof jelly donuts…light, airy, and kind of amazing when eaten warm. I encourage you to try them, and if the first batch is horrible, don’t give up!
