Entries Tagged as 'money'

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten least popular mall stores

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10. Big, Tall & Gay

9. Banana Dictatorship

8. Holly of Fredericksburg

7. Organ Donation Shack

6. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Kale

5. Turban Outfitters

4. Abercrombie & Bitch

3. Bed, Bath & Beyoncé

2. Chick-fil-A-Hole

1. Old Merchant Marines

 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

damned liesends & odd

A visit to St. Nick

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Twas the night before Wednesday, when all through the house,
“It’s a feature of Tuesday,” the man started to grouse.
The mockings were flung by the chummy who bear
good tidings to all, no need to despair.

The shoppers were wrestled, tho’ sick in the head,
while visions of sweet-deals they charged to their cred.
All for the purchase of some Christmas crap,
gift-giving that leads into a debt-trap. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten ways the United States could make or save money

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10. Have policemen and firefighters work on commission

9. Convince the EU to go in with us on a Groupon

8. Rent out Mount Rushmore to rappelling clubs

7. Put advertisements on our currency

6. Don’t pay mailmen anything, but let them keep whatever’s in every other package

5. Sell one of the Carolinas and one of the Dakotas

4. Put turnstiles in the border wall between Mexico and Texas

3. Charge visitors to the Statue of Liberty ten bucks to look up her robe

2. Turn the National Mall into a real mall

1. Only paying Congressmen for work that actually gets done
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten excuses for filing your taxes late

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10. “If all those Congressman can’t figure out their finances, how do you expect me to?”

9. “I have a deathly fear of 1040 paper cuts.”

8. “Trying to use the Qualified Dividends and Capital Gains Tax Worksheet gave me a severe brain cramp.”

7. “My dog ate my return.”

6. “Fill out a tax form?! I can’t even figure out my tip at the Red Lobster.”

5. “I’m rich. I thought we were exempt.”

4. “When I burned my business down for the insurance, I forgot to remove my receipts first.”

3. “I thought the penalty for filing late would make for a sweet deduction on next year’s return.”

2. “I don’t want to bounce any more checks.”

1. “I was stuck on a Carnival Cruise.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten things you don’t want to hear from your accountant today

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10. “Look, if you file late, it’s no skin off my nose.”

9. “I’m pretty sure you just multiply your income by 1040.”

8. “You needed another deduction, so I billed you again.”

7. “My last client was Wesley Snipes.”

6. “Of course one bajillion is a real number.”

5. “It’s close enough; it’s five of one, half a dozen of the other.”

4. “To save you some dough, I listed myself as one of your dependents.”

3. “Please, no math. It makes my brain hurt.”

2. “Don’t worry. You know that little box ‘For Office Use Only’? I wrote in ‘Approved. Send Massive Refund’.”

1. “That’s due today?!!!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

moneypolitics & government

Pesky flies

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creative writingmoney

Grizzly bear stories: the impossible decision at Dunkin Donuts

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The gym where I work opens early enough that I’m usually the only person there when the Dunkin Donuts opens. But to my surprise, I wasn’t first today. There was a bearded man in his early forties and a grizzly bear in a blue polo in line in front of me and the following scene took place:

 

(I enter the store wiping sleep-boogies out of my eye and get in line behind the grizzly bear. He nods to me.)

BEAR: Hey, how ya doin’?

ME: Not too bad, yourself?

BEAR: Can’t complain.

ME: Chilly out there again, eh?

BEAR: (casually shrugs) Eh, ‘supposed to hit fifty a little later this week.

ME: Wish that was today. Just gotta bundle up I guess.

BEAR: Not me. I’m a grizzly bear.

ME: I see that.

[Read more →]

health & medicalmoney

“The pets of the rich do better than the children of the poor…”

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(Originally posted at TheDefeatists.typepad.com)

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o’er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.

John Milton, “On His Blindness”

It’s been an odd summer at Defeatist Central. In the last few years, we’d have gone crazy with lots of stuff about how horrible the politicians, economy and so on have become. However, not unlike a lot of other bloggers, we’ve become strangely quiet. Is it because, as in the case of Mr. Fun, we are frustrated because once you go Pek you can’t go back and no Pony has arrived? Perhaps because of the arrival of Defeatist Babies while we mourn the departure of beloved Defeatist Pets? Is it perhaps because of more mundane concerns? Or, maybe greater concerns? Who knows what ennui and disinterest lurk in the hearts of men? Well, besides Yeats, of course….but I quote him often enough.

For me, it’s been an odd time. Mrs. AXE came home one day and announced that she wanted to retire from Federal Service because she was old and because she was working for complete assholes. Well, that was fine with me; I did some math and said, OK we’ll be fine. She then went through some totally unnecessary hassles over insurance coverage for some tests, submitted her paperwork, got the tests in early March and retired on the 31st. That afternoon, we got the diagnosis – colon cancer with fairly large polyps that probably had breeched the walls of the colon. On April 20, they did the surgery. The surgeon said it went very well; on the following Tuesday, I got a call at 10PM saying they were taking her to emergency surgery because of complications; when I got there, she greeted me by crying “Goodbye…” Now, by nature I am not a nurturing type; my response was fairly unemotional and probably helped in this case – “Really? I don’t think so unless you know something I don’t.” The surgery went well – there had been an obstruction and the surgeon took out three feet of small intestine that was gangrenous. To allow everything to heal, he performed a temporary Ileostomy, that is, a procedure to route the small intestine to a sack outside the body. When she was healed, they would reattach the plumbing. In the meantime, she’d start with an oncologist and see if Chemo was the next step.

[Read more →]

moneypolitics & government

You didn’t build that (unless we don’t like it)

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moneypolitics & government

The little engine that went bankrupt

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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten summer vacation ideas for people on a tight budget

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10. Instead of springing for expensive airline tickets, just pack your bags and then ask a friend to lose them for you

9. Can’t afford a trip around the world? Try the International House of Pancakes!

8. Find a movie theater showing 3-D travelogues

7. Convince your kids it’s originally pronounced ‘spraycation’ – then get out the garden hose for a week of fun!

6. No need to spring for a pricey ski lodge! Just turn the thermostat to sixty, have a loved one hit you in the knee with a hammer, then drink some cocoa!

5. Eat baked beans before getting into the bathtub and – voila! – you’ve got your own Jacuzzi!

4. Convince your kids that basic training is kind of like summer camp

3. Find a hotel where kids stay free, then dress everybody like 10-year-olds

2. Why not try a Mitt-cation? Have someone strap you to the roof of their car

1. Hang out with the Tanning Mom and you’ll always feel like you’re at the beach!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

moneypolitics & government

You cannot trust these CEO’s

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This is just another example of how the corporate fat cats are killing this country.

A few years ago, during the 2008 financial crises there was a well-known multi-national corporate giant on the verge of collapse. The long time CEO at the time, worked with management, government officials, and investors to salvage the company. And though there were several extenuating circumstances that lead to the company’s demise, the CEO graciously took the brunt of the criticism and was terminated by the board of directors. [Read more →]

animalsBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten horses least likely to win the Kentucky Derby

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10. Man o’ Peace

9. It’s A Grand Old Nag

8. No Way José

7. Artificial Hip

6. Save-Your-Money

5. Mucilage

4. Stumblebum

3. Tripod

2. Chris Christie

1. Wrong Way Corrigan
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

moneypolitics & government

Obama’s big stick

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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten excuses for filing your taxes late

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10. “Somebody just now told me that taxes are due every year.”

9. “I was working around the clock trying to revive the Herman Cain campaign.”

8. “I’m deathly afraid of 1040 paper cuts.”

7. “I miss prison.”

6. “Fill out a tax form?! I can’t even program my VCR!”

5. “After I claim all the voices in my head as deductions, it turns out they owe me money!”

4. “I was hoping I could barter for what I owe with sexual favors.”

3. “All my calculations were lost when somebody turned over my Etch A Sketch.”

2. “Being in the top one percent, I thought I was exempt.”

1. “I’m still waiting for this Nigerian prince to e-mail me some money.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

moneypolitics & government

The Buffett Rule’s faulty comparison

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moneyvirtual children by Scott Warnock

Vrooom!: Who cares about saving gas?

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We were in an ice cream parlor the other day, and my son was looking at some old-time paintings on the wall. One was a decades-old picture of a sundae with a price tag: 10 cents. Despite my efforts, he couldn’t comprehend it — which may not be difficult to imagine since my grasp of macroeconomic issues is wanting . I had similar success explaining to him that gas, the stuff that makes our car go, was once a quarter.

[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten signs you’ve hired a bad tax accountant

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10. His last client was Gary Busey

9. It takes him 45 minutes to figure out his tip at the Hair Cuttery

8. He claims bajillion is a real number

7. He promises to visit you in prison

6. When you get a closer look at his ‘calculator’ you realize he’s just playing Angry Birds

5. He says he spend a lot of time consulting with his own tax adviser: Johnnie Walker

4. When you point out a math error, he says, “Ahhh, five of one, half a dozen of the other.”

3. He claims your refund is actually supposed to go to him

2. He does his calculating in the nude, so he can count to 21

1. Before every number on your tax form, he puts one of those ‘more or less’ squiggles
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

moneypolitics & government

The plague of lolz

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March Madness concludes, an event handled something like an outbreak of typhus in workplaces across the country; treated with quarantine and let to run its course. Recent racial tensions notwithstanding, it culminated in a charmingly integrated riot. But if it weren’t the parade of paid amateurs in their skivvies, it would be some other diversion; perhaps the buttons on our shirts or better, the buttons on Kim K’s shirt. Are the flags still at half-staff? Must be for Whitney, national treasure that she was. It couldn’t be that there are caskets burdened with the bits of American soldiers pouring into New Jersey as they have never been lowered for that yet. There is a drought across the nation. It is a drought not of water, though that, too. What we thirst for, seek and find absent in every dusty bucket on every rusted hook is seriousness for the serious matters; sobriety in the face of sobering events. We desperadoes are a small and vilified minority. Instead of frank discourse we meet the mouthpieces of vested interests or free-lance mouthpieces without portfolio who, on speculation, ape the paid press agents. For any who question the state of affairs, whether it is the public debt or private vice there is one ready rejoinder with all the insight and subtlety of a vuvuzela; lol. [Read more →]

moneypolitics & government

The iSpend 2: Adds debt twice as fast as the original

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