Entries Tagged as 'art & entertainment'

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten reasons Kermit and Miss Piggy split up

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10. It suddenly occurred to them, he’s a friggin’ frog and she’s a friggin’ pig!!!!

9. The Muppets contract has a ‘no fraternization’ clause

8. Miss Piggy’s parents caught their daughter with a frog in her throat

7. It was only puppet love

6. Miss Piggy just felt that Kermit was too much of a “male chauvinist frog”

5. Kermit wanted to keep their lovemaking a secret, but every time they make love, she squeals

4. Miss Piggy said Kermit had to “put a ring on it,” and he said he couldn’t afford a ring that big

3. Kermit recently converted to Judaism, so has to keep kosher

2. Miss Piggy has a fear of kermitment

1. Kermit came across a copy of Miss Piggy’s X-ray, and was totally freaked out by the fact that it looked exactly like Frank Oz’s forearm and hand!!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten signs you’re at a bad fireworks display

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10. The fireworks are generated by a kid shuffling his feet on shag carpeting

9. At the end, the fireworks form a colorful image of a bespectacled Rick Perry

8. It’s just that guy from the Police Academy movies making fireworks noises with his mouth

7. The guy in charge of the fireworks has five fingers, total

6. Someone just clicks on his TV, then puts on a highlights reel from past fireworks displays

5. At the entrance to the venue, several personal injury attorneys have set up information booths

4. Instead of rousing patriotic music, all they play is Adele and Enya

3. The entire show is a pair of twins running around holding sparklers

2. Instead of actual fireworks, the emcee tells the audience to close their eyes and rub them with their palms

1. You notice the men lighting the fireworks display are wearing ISIS T-shirts

 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten signs you’re not going to win a Tony this Sunday

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10. Trying to cash in on jukebox musicals like Mamma Mia and Rock of Ages, your new musical is called Milli Vanilli

9. The title of your massive epic two-part play isn’t Wolf Hall, but Monty Hall

8. No elementary school play has ever won the top prize before

7. The marquee reads “Adam Sandler is Willie Loman”

6. All the dialogue was translated into Lithuanian, because it lost something in the original

5. The name of your musical is not Something Rotten, though that was the majority of your reviews

4. When the premiere ended, the audience shouted “Author! Author!” while boiling tar and stirring in feathers

3. Your production is called You’re A Good Man, Charlie Sheen

2. Your idea for an ‘all mime’ production of My Dinner with Andre never really worked

1. You unwisely named your production Theater Closed for Renovations
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

musicreligion & philosophy

A precious moment at 1st Prez

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A big day at 1st Presbyterian Church of Midland, Texas a couple weeks back … THE day, really … not just for Christians, but for all people … Easter Day, Resurrection Sunday, Empty Tomb Day, whatever.

It was also a day of added significance for me, in a small personal way … it’s the one time I have the courage to go up front and sing in public. As I have noted before, little remains of the fine tenor voice I carried into high school. If maturity had replaced it with an equally fine baritone, I wouldn’t have minded so much … but, alas, such was not the case. I still sing in public, but only that one time each year, and in the particular circumstances we have at 1st Prez that day … when I am surrounded by a large choir, accompanied by chamber orchestra and organ, and singing for a packed house of people feeling more than the usual level of Christian charity and forgiveness.
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmovies

Top ten of the Fifty Grays to Shade Your Lover

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There must be fifty grays to shade your lover.

Fifty grays to shade your lover.

10. Just clap on the cuffs, Duff.

9. Buy some new rope, Hope.

8. Tie a tight knot, Scott.

Just listen to me.

7. You must dominate, Kate.

6. Learn how to spank, Hank.

5. Bind him in leather, Heather.

And don’t set him free.

4. Break out the whip, Chip.

3. Slap on the chain, Jane.

You’ll cause him some brain pain,

And do it with glee.

2. Try that new toy, Roy.

1. Remember to bite, Dwight.

I know it’s not quite right.

I’m glad it’s not me!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

books & writingmovies

Added to My Bookshelf: Undead Obsessed: Finding Meaning in Zombies

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There’s no denying that Jessica Robinson has an obsession with zombies, and that said obsession is shared by people of many ages in many parts of the world … myself included.

Proof of her obsession can be found in the time and effort that obviously went into research for, and writing of her book, “Undead Obsessed: Finding Meaning in Zombies.” My reading of the book, however, left my own obsession unsated … which is not necessarily the fault of the book … obsessions, after all, can be very, VERY personal matters.
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art & entertainment

Why Fifty Shades of Grey is an inspiration to writers everywhere (except for the writing itself)

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If there’s anything Hollywood hates more than a writer, it’s a woman. And if you somehow combine the two… and then reveal that she’s over 50 and a foreigner… well, that inspires emails so nasty even North Korean hackers hesitate to leak them. That said, E.L. James (non-kinky name: Erika Leonard) saw her first book become a huge success, selling tens of millions of copies. So where normally writers enter meetings with Hollywood execs from a position of weakness — incidentally, this is the position in which most writers spend their entire lives — she said something to this effect:

“I’ve sold over 100 million copies of just three books.

“That means I average 33 million readers a book.

“If each of those readers spends 10 bucks for a movie ticket, that’s $330 million. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmovies

Top ten signs you’re not going to win an Academy Award next Sunday

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10. It’s the world’s first pro-Catholic pornographic musical

9. The best acting you did all year was telling your wife that her new dress didn’t make her look fat

8. Your film was called Left Behind – and it should have been

7. It’s the sequel to The Love Guru

6. On the red carpet, instead of asking you who you’re wearing, they ask you why you showed up

5. The opening and closing credits actually meet in the middle

4. In your Biblical epic, the product placement for the iPhone 6 was too distracting

3. You’re Mitt Romney, and therefore can’t win anything

2. The jury at Cannes found you “Guilty as charged”

1. You’re a Black actor or director
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmusic

Top ten signs you’re not going to win a Grammy next Sunday

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10. Your album All About That Bass is nothing but freshwater fishing tips

9. Your music is considered too sappy for elevators

8. There is no category for Best Kazoo Recording

7. Nobody bought your CD A Whiter Shade of Pale by Boko Haram

6. Your album didn’t go gold or platinum; it went aluminum

5. You’re Mr. Methane, the professional farter

4. The judges are prejudiced against karaoke

3. Every time you put your CD into a CD player, it immediately spits it out again

2. Your record – 37 minutes of silence followed by 3 minutes of applause – is entitled The Best of Marcel Marceau

1. You’re “The Artist Formerly Known as Bobby Goldsboro”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

moviesvirtual children by Scott Warnock

Why you want Peter Jackson as your Dungeon Master

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I was warned that this title would discourage almost all readers. So be it. The fact remains, that if you are ever lucky enough to play a character, say a dwarf fighter or a halfing rogue, in a good ol’ Dungeons & Dragons game, you definitely want Peter Jackson to be your DM.

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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythinggames

Top ten most dangerous holiday toys

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10. Hospital Waste Grab Bag

9. Hello Kitty Tiki Torches

8. Miss Piggy’s Big Bag O’ Pork

7. Easy Bake Microwave

6. Baby’s First Choking Hazard

5. Lil’ Devil: The Satan-Worshipping Game

4. The José Canseco Finger Trimmer

3. The ISIS Indoctrination Reader

2. Toddlers & Tiaras‘ Official You’re Never Too Young To Twerk Outfit

1. Mr. Wizard’s Live-Culture Ebola Kit

 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentends & odd

7 unanswerable questions Bill Cosby made me contemplate

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How much does Cosby biographer Mark Whitaker suck? I can understand not wanting to dwell on the allegations of abuse so much it became the focus of Cosby: His Life and Times…but wasn’t there some room for them in its 500-plus pages? (It includes a 19-page chapter called “The Art of Jell-O.”) Why do I feel like if Whitaker wrote a book about Ted Bundy it would focus on Ted’s academic performance at law school? [Read more →]

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten one-liners

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10. I’m not a big fan of shopping centers because, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.

9. I thought I’d found a mass grave for snowmen, but it turned out it was just a field of carrots.

8. I was so drunk last night that, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bar, I won the dance contest.

7. Prison walls are never built to scale.

6. My memory is so good, I can’t remember the last time I forgot something.

5. My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential, just before he pushed me off the roof.

4. After several karate lessons, I can now break a five-inch board with my cast.

3. I stayed up all last night, trying to remember if I had amnesia or insomnia.

2. Ebola has people so afraid of Liberians, they’ve completely stopped checking out books.

1. I’d have to say, looking over the past decade, this year would definitely be in my top ten.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtelevision

Top ten new shows on the Paula Deen Network

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10. Cooking with Lard

9. The Amazing Racist: Ferguson, Missouri

8. The Better Butter Batter Broadcast

7. Chunky Brewster

6. Intolerant Cruelty

5. The Lards of Fatbush

4. Calling a Spade a Spade

3. Waiting for Hefty

2. Tales from the Darky Side

1. Cooking with More Lard
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtelevision

Top ten least popular new television shows

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10. Law and Order: SUV

9. Everybody Loves Ramen

8. Alimentary

7. America’s Funniest Home Pregnancy Tests

6. The Vampire Blogs

5. Justified: How I Prefer My Paragraphs

4. CSI: NCIS: NYPD: LMNOP

3. Survivor: Bayonne

2. Marvel’s Agents of B.O.R.E.D.

1. Sunday Night Football: Special Victims Unit
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtelevision

Top ten new shows on Atheist TV

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10. Touched by a Physicist

9. The 420 Club

8. Religulous – The Series

7. (Don’t) Believe

6. Hour of Sour

5. A Show About Nothingness

4. How I Met Your Silverback

3. The Fraud Squad

2. We’re A Non-Prophet Organization

1. Highway to Nowhere
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten new shows on the Sarah Palin Channel

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10. Whose Lie Is It Anyway?

9. B.J. and the Mama Grizzly

8. Minimal Minds

7. Combat Drone Moose Hunt

6. Are You Dumber Than A Fifth Grader?

5. Under the Nome

4. How I Met Your Teenage Unwed Mother

3. The Big Benghazi Theory

2. Wasilla Gorilla

1. The Tina Fey Hour
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

moviesreligion & philosophy

The long lost instruction book to the game of life

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When you’ve seen as many movies as I have, you begin to see that they all follow a certain pattern. This is true not just of movies, but of all great stories ranging from those found in classic mythology and literature to modern TV series and video games. Joseph Campbell called it the monomyth or hero’s journey. It’s basically a series of steps that the protagonist must go through during the course of his or her adventure. In addition to this, there are also a number of spiritual principles that often find their way into storytelling. By combining these principles with the monomyth, you can pretty much figure out where just about any story is headed. While this skill has proven to be incredibly annoying to my wife, it’s come in very handy for me. Not because I’ve continually annoyed her with my usually correct movie and TV show predictions, but because I’ve noticed that these storytelling rules apply to more than just fictitious stories. They also apply to real life. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmusic

Top ten songs in the new Rob Ford musical, premiering at Toronto’s Factory Theatre this September

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10. Baby Got Crack

9. I’m a Boozer

8. Michael Row the Bloat Ashore

7. Tequila Mockingbird

6. (All We Are Saying Is) Give Obese A Chance

5. The Plumpty Dance

4. He’s a (Dipso)Maniac

3. Wish I Could Fly Like Stuporman

2. Booze Sorry Now

1. Leader of the Crack
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtelevision

Top ten new shows on The Cat Network

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10. The King James Persian

9. Here and Meow

8. Paper Tiger

7. The Weakest Lynx

6. Garfield of Dreams

5. Cougar Town

4. Tails from the Crypt

3. L.A. Claw

2. Sex and the Kitty

1. Downton Tabby
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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