Entries Tagged as 'art & entertainment'

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Bill O’Reilly’s top ten good things about slavery

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10. When they were building the White House, they were “well fed”

9. They “had decent lodgings provided by the government”

8. Many of them got a free sea cruise before arriving in America

7. They didn’t have to pay income taxes

6. Their cramped overcrowded lodgings encouraged cameraderie

5. Frequently, owners would deign to have sex with them

4. Their situation led to the creation of many deeply moving Negro spirituals; which led to the creation of blues, jazz, and boogie-woogie; which led to the creation of rock and roll

3. Free on-the-job training

2. They got to spend time in our nation’s capital

1. They were finally safe from lions, hyenas, cheetahs and elephants
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentbooks & writing

Added to my e-bookshelf … Professor Challenger: New Worlds, Lost Places

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In the course of a prolific career that traversed a wide variety of genre, British writer Arthur Conan Doyle created – for me, at least – three singular characters. Over time, those three have achieved varying degrees of popularity and shelf-presence.

I have read all of Doyle’s stories of detective Sherlock Holmes, and almost all his stories of Brigadier Etienne Gerard. In contrast, I have read only one of his Professor George Edward Challenger stories … but what a wonderful story it was! And I am not at all surprised that it provided much of the foundation for “Professor Challenger: New Worlds, Lost Places” a collection of short stories inspired by Doyle’s brilliant, headstrong and physical academician.
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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtelevision

Top ten signs you’re not going to win an Emmy next Sunday night

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10. Your performance has been described as “Sandler-esque”

9. Contestants on Bowling for Dollars aren’t eligible

8. Your show only appeared on YouTube, and starred Mr. Whiskers

7. You were a writer for Hollywood Game Night

6. Your pilot for Law & Order: U.S. Postal Inspection Service never made it to air

5. Your reality show is all about your family-operated business called Duck Commander

4. As a C.S.I. corpse, you were never given the opportunity to show your full range as an actor

3. Donald Trump is somehow involved

2. Outstanding Lead Actor in a Boner Pill Commercial isn’t a category

1. You’re a Kardashian
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainment

Garry Marshall was the most avant-garde filmmaker ever

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The late Garry Marshall largely defined the sitcom (his creations include The Odd Couple, Happy Days, Mork & MindyLaverne & Shirley, and, er, Joanie Loves Chachi). Then, as was the fashion at the time, he graduated from the small screen to the big one and he made a series of films with premises that can only be described as deeply creepy… yet he directed them with a sitcom touch.

Indeed, he directed them with more of a sitcom touch than his own sitcoms usually displayed. (The Odd Couple in particular is timeless.) A number of his films involved the sexual exploitation of women — seriously, wait until you see the films — yet he refused to make downers.

Indeed, while he usually included a tear-jerking scene or two, these films were meant to be feel-good hits and, against all odds, some of them indeed were.

I present highlights of the filmography of Garry Marshall, who effortlessly distorted genres in a way Todd Solondz can only imagine.

(NOTE: These are the actual plots of Marshall’s actual movies. Really.)

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musicvirtual children by Scott Warnock

So Zeppelin won

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So Zeppelin won. A jury found that the group did not copy the chords in “Stairway to Heaven” from the band Spirit’s song “Taurus.” [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmovies

Top ten X-rated Fourth of July movies

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10. Sin Dependence Day

9. Drop Your Pants and Fire a Rocket!

8. Red, White, and Very Blue

7. Seventeen Seventy-Sex

6. Porn on the Fourth of July

5. Time for Some Fireworks!

4. There’s a Barbecue in My Pants

3. The British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!

2. The Fourth of Julie

1. Yank My Doodle! It’s A Dandy!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten things overheard at last night’s Tony Awards

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10. “Look, they got one of the Teletubbies to host!”

9. “I hope they show Laurie Metcalf hobbling Bruce Willis.”

8. “I mean, do they have to use the full title Shuffle Along, or, the Making of the Musical Sensation of 1921 and All That Followed every single time they mention it?”

7. “I only hope I live long enough to be included in that In Memoriam segment.”

6. “I hear they’re preparing another one of those jukebox musicals like Jersey Boys or Mama Mia! called Blame It On the Rain, based on the music of Milli Vanilli.”

5. “So Barbra Streisand was famous for something besides those Fockers movies?”

4. “I’d much prefer King Charles III to King Donald I.”

3. “I thought they already made King Donald I. It’s called American Psycho.”

2. “In what month is thing scheduled to end?”

1. “I was kinda disappointed in Hamilton, but then I thought it was going to be about Margaret Hamilton, who played the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Ox.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Given the incredible success of animal movies like The Jungle Book and Zootopia, top ten planned movie remakes

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10. The Dogfather

9. Raiders of the Lost Shark

8. From Deer to Eternity

7. Deep Goat

6. The Manatee from U.N.C.L.E.

5. Not Without My Otter

4. The Karate Squid

3. Pig Trouble In Little China

2. The Bad News Grizzlies

1. Ferret Bueller’s Day Off
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmovies

Top ten signs Harrison Ford is too old to star in the fifth Indiana Jones movie

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10. He’s older than some of the relics he’s looking for

9. His fedora now has a chin strap

8. He’s going to carry a whip in one hand and a walking stick in the other

7. It opens with him trying to outrun a runaway shopping cart

6. In the second sequence, he comes across a jewel-encrusted hip replacement

5. There’s a fight to the death atop a Rascal scooter

4. They’re changing his name to Indiana Groans

3. They’re thinking of calling the film Raiders of the Lost Keys

2. Or Indiana Jones and the Temple of Coumadin

1. Or Indiana Jones and the…Wait, What Was I Searching For?
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmovies

Top ten things overheard at last night’s Oscars

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10. “Excuse me, Miss. You dropped your implant.”

9. “The montage of dead actors at the Golden Globes is a good indication of who’ll still be dead tonight.”

8. “Explain to me again why Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! isn’t up for anything.”

7. “I heard Travolta’s date to this thing is Adele Dazeem!”

6. “How ironic that they’re holding the Oscars during Black History Month.”

5. “Hey, look! Charlene Theron’s arm grew back!”

4. “Damn! I had Paul Blart: Mall Cop in the Oscar pool.”

3. “I only hope I live long enough to be included in that In Memorium segment.”

2. “I love that new ‘anatomically correct’ Oscar; it’s so much easier to carry!”

1. “I really feel sorry for Stallone. First, they completely ignore his work in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, and now this!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmovies

Top ten upcoming sequels

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10. Fast & Furious 8: Even Faster & Furiouser

9. Alvin and the Chipmunks 4: What a Load of Chip

8. Frozen 2: Another Batch of Earworms

7. Naked Gun 4: Where’s O.J.?

6. Schindler’s List 2: The Groceries

5. The Seventh Sense

4. Weekend at Bernie’s 3: What’s That Smell?

3. I Still Know What You Did the Summer Before Last

2. Star Wars 8: The Force Goes Back To Sleep Again

1. Rocky ?: Even We’ve Lost Count
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtelevision

Top ten least popular holiday specials

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10. Don Knott’s It’s A Wonderful Fife!

9. America’s Funniest Home Nutcracker Videos

8. Chris Christie’s Twelve Days of Christmas Dinners

7. A Charlie Brownstein Hanukkah

6. Frostie the Puddle’s Global-Warming Denier’s Special

5. Gift Wrapping with the Stars

4. The 83rd Annual Leaving of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Out On The Curb

3. Miracle Whip on 34th Street

2. It’s A Wonderful Life for the One Percent

1. Donald Trump’s Me, the Son, and the Holy Ghost
 
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythinggames

Top ten most dangerous holiday toys

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10. Mr. Wizard’s Home Lobotomy Kit

9. Gasp! – The Saran Wrap Game

8. Miss Piggy’s Big Bag O’ Pork

7. Black & Decker Silly Driller

6. Hello Kitty Tiki Torches

5. Easy Bake Microwave

4. Fontanelle Lawn Darts

3. Toddlers & Tiaras‘ Official You’re Never Too Young To Twerk Outfit

2. Fisher-Price Choking Hazard

1. The Chris Christie Home Stomach-Stapler
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Now that Stephenie Meyer is reissuing Twilight with the sexes reversed (male mortal Beau now being seduced by the vampiress Edythe), top ten other sex-reversal entertainments in the works

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10. The Brotherhood of the Traveling Jeans

9. Twelve Angry Women

8. Julia Caesar

7. My Fair Lord

6. The Third Woman

5. The African King

4. Aunt Vanya

3. Arnie Hall

2. The Godmother

1. Seven Husbands for Seven Sisters
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentbooks & writing

Life after publication: Joshua V. Scher on the days after your debut novel

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(Disclaimer: I have known Joshua nearly two decades and like him and his work enough for us to collaborate regularly, so if ye seek impartiality, look elsewhere. Let’s begin.)

When Joshua Scher has the New York launch of his first novel Here & There at Brooklyn’s POWERHOUSE Arena this Wednesday November 18 at 7pm, it will have taken over two years… since he finished the initial draft: “So much time that I actually had to go back and examine the ‘dates modified’ log to figure it out.” During that period, he went through “the finding the agent thing”, the “rewriting the book based on my agent’s edits” phase, the “finding a publisher” stage, the “going through the publisher’s round of edits” chapter, and the “copy edits” episode, with everything culminating in the “all the prep work for going to market” stretch.

Now that it’s finally unleashed on the world, how is it?

“When I opened up the box full of the first advance copies… I couldn’t stop smiling. For days. DAYS.” [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmovies

Top ten alternate titles for movies

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10. A Bridge Too FarThe Chris Christie Story

9. FrozenSongs to Drive Your Parents Bonkers

8. AvatarSmurfs in Space

7. The ExpendablesGrumpy Old Men Armed to the Dentures

6. InceptionMy Brain Just Broke

5. Herbie: The Love BugEmission: Impossible

4. Four Weddings and a FuneralFive Tragedies

3. Dumb and DumberBarbara Bush’s Boys

2. The Theory of EverythingLook Who’s Hawking

1. 2001: A Space OdesseyKeir Dullea, Gone Tomorrow
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten reasons Kermit and Miss Piggy split up

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10. It suddenly occurred to them, he’s a friggin’ frog and she’s a friggin’ pig!!!!

9. The Muppets contract has a ‘no fraternization’ clause

8. Miss Piggy’s parents caught their daughter with a frog in her throat

7. It was only puppet love

6. Miss Piggy just felt that Kermit was too much of a “male chauvinist frog”

5. Kermit wanted to keep their lovemaking a secret, but every time they make love, she squeals

4. Miss Piggy said Kermit had to “put a ring on it,” and he said he couldn’t afford a ring that big

3. Kermit recently converted to Judaism, so has to keep kosher

2. Miss Piggy has a fear of kermitment

1. Kermit came across a copy of Miss Piggy’s X-ray, and was totally freaked out by the fact that it looked exactly like Frank Oz’s forearm and hand!!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten signs you’re at a bad fireworks display

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10. The fireworks are generated by a kid shuffling his feet on shag carpeting

9. At the end, the fireworks form a colorful image of a bespectacled Rick Perry

8. It’s just that guy from the Police Academy movies making fireworks noises with his mouth

7. The guy in charge of the fireworks has five fingers, total

6. Someone just clicks on his TV, then puts on a highlights reel from past fireworks displays

5. At the entrance to the venue, several personal injury attorneys have set up information booths

4. Instead of rousing patriotic music, all they play is Adele and Enya

3. The entire show is a pair of twins running around holding sparklers

2. Instead of actual fireworks, the emcee tells the audience to close their eyes and rub them with their palms

1. You notice the men lighting the fireworks display are wearing ISIS T-shirts

 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten signs you’re not going to win a Tony this Sunday

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10. Trying to cash in on jukebox musicals like Mamma Mia and Rock of Ages, your new musical is called Milli Vanilli

9. The title of your massive epic two-part play isn’t Wolf Hall, but Monty Hall

8. No elementary school play has ever won the top prize before

7. The marquee reads “Adam Sandler is Willie Loman”

6. All the dialogue was translated into Lithuanian, because it lost something in the original

5. The name of your musical is not Something Rotten, though that was the majority of your reviews

4. When the premiere ended, the audience shouted “Author! Author!” while boiling tar and stirring in feathers

3. Your production is called You’re A Good Man, Charlie Sheen

2. Your idea for an ‘all mime’ production of My Dinner with Andre never really worked

1. You unwisely named your production Theater Closed for Renovations
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

musicreligion & philosophy

A precious moment at 1st Prez

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A big day at 1st Presbyterian Church of Midland, Texas a couple weeks back … THE day, really … not just for Christians, but for all people … Easter Day, Resurrection Sunday, Empty Tomb Day, whatever.

It was also a day of added significance for me, in a small personal way … it’s the one time I have the courage to go up front and sing in public. As I have noted before, little remains of the fine tenor voice I carried into high school. If maturity had replaced it with an equally fine baritone, I wouldn’t have minded so much … but, alas, such was not the case. I still sing in public, but only that one time each year, and in the particular circumstances we have at 1st Prez that day … when I am surrounded by a large choir, accompanied by chamber orchestra and organ, and singing for a packed house of people feeling more than the usual level of Christian charity and forgiveness.
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