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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten signs you ate too much on Thanksgiving

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10. While slicing the pumpkin pie, you cut your finger and gravy came out

9. You had to let out your shower curtain

8. People kept saying, “Happy Thanksgiving, Governor Christie!”

7. After the football game, it took two EMT guys and the Jaws of Life to get you out of your Barcalounger

6. You’ve put on so much poundage, in one of the shots of earth in the film The Martian, you are clearly visible

5. You ate all the leftovers…before dessert!

4. You just woke up from your tryptophan coma

3. Your relatives took a picture of you in your Pilgrim outfit, and it’s still printing

2. After the meal, you had to loosen the band on your wristwatch

1. You just caught the flesh eating bacteria, and were given 67 years to live
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

educationvirtual children by Scott Warnock

The hero who helped rid us of the SAT essay

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Students out there, if you are slogging away in preparation for yet another standardized test, yet another battle against the machines of education, hoping some caped crusader would fight for you, would champion your cause, you need look no further than former MIT writing professor Les Perelman. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten things the Pilgrims would say if they were alive today

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10. “It seems the Indians here have their own ball team. Two if you count the Redskins!”

9. “This turkey tastes a little funny to me. What breed of turkey is ‘tofu’ exactly?”

8. “And if we wanted to spend the day with our Native Americanm brethren, why would we wish to visit the local gaming emporium?”

7. “Your ancestors came over on the Mayflower? Big deal!”

6. “And you say you can get advice on cooking your bird from yonder handheld talking machine?!”

5 “Of course, when we knew Betty White, she was still in pigtails.”

4. “There is no need to struggle. Why do you not just share the wishbone?”

3. “Jebediah, look! Their leader appears to be a Native American!”

2. “Celebrating this day with giant balloons of cartoon animals! Why did we not think of that?!”

1. “I just ate so much turkey, I had to loosen the buckle on my hat!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten questions for the Butterball Hotline

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10. “Why should I have to stuff a turkey if it’s not hollow to begin with?”

9. “If it says 450 degrees for six hours, would 900 degrees for three hours work as well?”

8. “How about 1,800 degrees for an hour and a half?”

7. “When I stuff a turkey, can I use any old stuff?”

6. “If the turkey is frozen, can I defrost it with a blowtorch?”

5. “How long do I have to microwave a 30-pound turkey?

4. “Can my electric carving knife cut through bone?”

3. “What about human bone?”

2. “If that little thing pops out on my turkey, does that mean it’s sexually aroused?”

1. “What if the turkey isn’t quite dead?”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

art & entertainmentbooks & writing

Life after publication: Joshua V. Scher on the days after your debut novel

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(Disclaimer: I have known Joshua nearly two decades and like him and his work enough for us to collaborate regularly, so if ye seek impartiality, look elsewhere. Let’s begin.)

When Joshua Scher has the New York launch of his first novel Here & There at Brooklyn’s POWERHOUSE Arena this Wednesday November 18 at 7pm, it will have taken over two years… since he finished the initial draft: “So much time that I actually had to go back and examine the ‘dates modified’ log to figure it out.” During that period, he went through “the finding the agent thing”, the “rewriting the book based on my agent’s edits” phase, the “finding a publisher” stage, the “going through the publisher’s round of edits” chapter, and the “copy edits” episode, with everything culminating in the “all the prep work for going to market” stretch.

Now that it’s finally unleashed on the world, how is it?

“When I opened up the box full of the first advance copies… I couldn’t stop smiling. For days. DAYS.” [Read more →]

educationvirtual children by Scott Warnock

Making college a success? Meet people. Do things.

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So what kind of magical thing will happen to you at college? What mysterious formula will make it all worthwhile? [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingscience

Top ten statistics

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10. Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t happy

9. Fifty-one percent of Americans believe in love at first sight. The other forty-nine percent are men

8. Seven out of three Americans are bad with statistics

7. Nine out of ten dentists agree that that tenth dentist is an idiot

6. Three out of four Americans make up seventy-five percent of the population

5. Not a single person is in a relationship

4. Three and a half out of seven people overcomplicate things

3. Nine out of ten Americans agree that, out of ten Americans, one will always disagree with the other nine

2. In a recent survey of 100 respondents, sixty-five percent of people polled is water

1. Twenty out of ten schizophrenics love these Top Ten Lists
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingrecipes & food

Top ten leftover Halloween candies

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10. Bad & Plenty

9. Middlefinger

8. Gecko Wafers

7. Baby Ruth Bader Ginsburg

6. Al Gore’s Melted Sno-Caps

5. Bilk Duds

4. Bengali Rancher

3. Cadbury Creme Eggs and Ham

2. I Can’t Believe They’re Not Raisinets

1. Chris Crispies
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.