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sportsvirtual children by Scott Warnock

Coach or fan? Make your choice

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Okay youth coaches, it’s game time. You have a choice to make: Are you a coach or are you a fan?

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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten ways to spend your extra hour this coming weekend

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10. Listen to Frédéric Chopin’s “Minute Waltz” 60 times

9. Alphabetize the names of all of Bill Cosby’s victims

8. Watch “The Best of 2 Broke Girls” 120 times

7. Squeeze out and set aside one-inch lengths of toothpaste to save time in the coming weeks

6. Shampoo, rinse, repeat; Shampoo, rinse, repeat; Shampoo, rinse, repeat…

5. Try, again and again, to reset the clock on your VCR

4. Listen to “American Pie” and “Alice’s Restaurant” twice each

3. Share a bottle of Irish whiskey, then see who can say the phrase “Irish wristwatch” the most times in one hour

2. Make love to the wife, then take a nap for the other 55 minutes

1. Put on your Mr. Peabody mask and pretend you’re going back in time

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

all workBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten jobs nobody wants

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10. Amish air conditioner repairman

9. Mel Gibson’s image consultant

8. The guy who collects the souls of young boys and feeds them to the Koch brothers

7. Bill Cosby’s pharmacist

6. Public pool pee monitor

5. Donald Trump’s stylist

4. Apprentice crackwhore

3. Chris Christie’s lotion boy

2. Bulletproof vest tester

1. Speaker of the House of Representatives

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

books & writing

Added to my bookshelf … “Legacy: An Anthology”

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“What’s in a word,” an English teacher once asked me as I sought just the right expression for the thoughts I wished to convey in a composition assignment. The editors of “Legacy: An Anthology” have assembled an insightful, absorbing – and entertaining! – answer to that question.
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educationvirtual children by Scott Warnock

Open letter to South Jersey Magazine about “The Public High School Report Card”

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Dear South Jersey Magazine,
On the cover of volume 12: issue 6, you trumpet that one of your stories is a “2015 Public High School Report Card.” With this letter, I ask that you reconsider how you represent public schools in your annual “Report Card” feature. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtravel & foreign lands

Top ten ways Columbus’s crew passed time on their two-month voyage

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10. Playing shuffleboard on the poop deck

9. Pooping on the shuffleboard deck

8. “Knock Knock” jokes

7. Gorging themselves at the overflowing buffet tables (hardtack only)

6. Looking for mermaids

5. Making salt water taffy

4. Sextanting each other

3. Scattergories

2. Complaining about how they don’t get Columbus Day off

1. Polishing the mast

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmovies

Top ten alternate titles for movies

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10. A Bridge Too FarThe Chris Christie Story

9. FrozenSongs to Drive Your Parents Bonkers

8. AvatarSmurfs in Space

7. The ExpendablesGrumpy Old Men Armed to the Dentures

6. InceptionMy Brain Just Broke

5. Herbie: The Love BugEmission: Impossible

4. Four Weddings and a FuneralFive Tragedies

3. Dumb and DumberBarbara Bush’s Boys

2. The Theory of EverythingLook Who’s Hawking

1. 2001: A Space OdesseyKeir Dullea, Gone Tomorrow

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.