I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:
Emperor’s Decree No. 3-20: Somewhere in the world, a mother’s baby has been diagnosed with a fatal disease. We can wait for spring. Enough, already.
The Punishment: Complainers will be stuffed with ice cubes shipped off to Siberia, naked. And shaved, from head to toe. And fully exfoliated.
Now, go forth and obey.
The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.
Latest posts by Chris Matarazzo (Posts)
- The Emperor decrees that ye shall bring thy pets in out of the cold - November 18, 2014
- The Emperor decrees that the phrase “you guys” is banned - October 21, 2014
- The Emperor decrees that the word “too” will no longer be mutilated into a ridiculous affectation - September 30, 2014
- The Emperor decrees a ban on “click-bait” headlines that are not 100% true - September 23, 2014
- The Emperor decrees an end to the phrase “at the end of the day” - August 26, 2014