I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:
Emperor’s Decree No. 3-20: Somewhere in the world, a mother’s baby has been diagnosed with a fatal disease. We can wait for spring. Enough, already.
The Punishment: Complainers will be stuffed with ice cubes shipped off to Siberia, naked. And shaved, from head to toe. And fully exfoliated.
Now, go forth and obey.
The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.
Latest posts by Chris Matarazzo (Posts)
- The Emperor decrees that age is not “just a number” - April 15, 2014
- The Emperor decrees that tripping and falling can no longer be used to enhance a story’s plot - April 1, 2014
- The Emperor decrees that “Ban Bossy” is banned - March 11, 2014
- The Emperor decrees and end to the growling announcer - February 25, 2014
- The Emperor decrees that no one will use the word “team” outside of a one-mile radius from a field or court - February 18, 2014