I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:
Emperor’s Decree No. 3-20: Somewhere in the world, a mother’s baby has been diagnosed with a fatal disease. We can wait for spring. Enough, already.
The Punishment: Complainers will be stuffed with ice cubes shipped off to Siberia, naked. And shaved, from head to toe. And fully exfoliated.
Now, go forth and obey.
The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.
Latest posts by Chris Matarazzo (Posts)
- The Emperor decrees that ye may not use “genius” as an adjective - July 22, 2014
- The Emperor decrees there will be no more dream sequences in novels - June 17, 2014
- The Emperor decrees that men must, henceforth, obtain a license in order to go shirtless - May 27, 2014
- The Emperor decrees that twerking will stop - May 13, 2014
- The Emperor decrees that waiters shall no longer act like guides to the mysteries of the universe - April 29, 2014