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bad sports, good sports

Bad sports, good sports: Bad behavior by athletes continues to take lives

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What is it that causes people to get behind the wheel after they have been drinking? I know that decision-making skills deteriorate as you drink more and more, so I guess it is not a shock that a drunk person would make the atrocious decision to drive in that condition, but it still amazes me how often it seems to happen. In the world of sports, it seems to be even more common than elsewhere, although that is likely because it gets publicized, whereas you rarely hear about the schmuck-down-the-street’s DUI unless you are friends with the neighborhood gossip. The same thing goes for gun offenses, as they seem to run rampant among professional athletes. A week after football player Jovan Belcher killed his girlfriend and himself with a gun, Dallas Cowboys linebacker Jerry Brown was killed when the car he was riding in flipped over while speeding. His teammate, Josh Brent, was driving and was quite drunk at the time. [Read more →]

art & entertainmentBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten suggested wedding gifts for Hugh Hefner’s and Crystal Harris’s New Year’s Eve wedding

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10. A Rascal scooter with a “Just Married” sign and tin cans tied to the back

9. An extremely rare collection of old naked TSA photos

8. A subscription to Penthouse

7. A defibrillator

6. A copy of Kama Sutra for the Infirm

5. An adult-diaper-ready tux

4. A Viagra Pez dispenser (with a different head on it)

3. A honeymoon bed with handrails

2. A Playboy calendar with only May and December in it

1. Laminated copies of the two-document agreement they finally struck: her signature on a pre-nup, and his on a ‘do not resus’
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

books & writing

Lisa reads Whiplash River by Lou Berney

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Shake Bouchon was livin’ the dream.

For years, he’d been a wheelman for the Armenian mob, but he’d gotten away clean. He bought restaurant on the beach in Belize, where he hoped to start fresh. The location was postcard-perfect: sea breezes and tiki torches and tourists with credit cards. It should have been everything he needed for a perfect retirement in Lou Berney’s Whiplash River. [Read more →]

race & culturereligion & philosophy

Out of reach

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I said yesterday that I wasn’t going to talk about this in public. I guess I lied. With the Subway incident that occurred on Monday, it seems to be stuck on repeat in my mind. Maybe if I write about it… maybe that will help me to think about other things…

[Read more →]

art & entertainment

David Lynch and Russell Brand meditating

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If your face hasn’t exploded from pop culture overload in 2012, then this image should get you there.

 

The Emperor decrees

The Emperor decrees that ye shall no longer be a soda jerk

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I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 220: There are some who say that we, as a society, are getting wimpier and wimpier. The Emperor does not want to believe this. But we are not making much of a case for ourselves if we fear the carbonation bubbles in our colas. Agreed? (Not that you have a choice…) The Emperor has seen, of late, several yellow-bellied varmints purchasing fizzy beverages and shaking or stirring said drinks before imbibing them, in order to “get rid of the bubbles.” No. Uh-uh. Buy juice. Buy water. Brew coffee. Crack open a carton of milk. Suck on a yogurt-tube if you must, but ye shall not sit there and enrage those around you with both your insipid, pencil-necked presence and with the shake-shake-shake of the bottle followed by the intermittent pssst-sssssssss-psst-sssssssssss as you twist the lid to let out the carbonation that you are not man enough to swallow. Used to be your average macho minion would belly up to the bar and order a flaming shot of bathtub hooch, complete with various errant floaties. Now, it’s “I’ll have a Sweetie Sugar Pop, hold the bubbles.” Thanks heavens The Duke never lived to see this day.

The Punishment: Violators will be stuffed into pink wet-suits and SCUBA gear. They will be submerged to a depth of 100 feet for an hour and then will be pulled up to the surface very quickly so that they might feel the horrors to which they are subjecting their innocent cola bottles.

Now, go forth and obey.

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

sportsvirtual children by Scott Warnock

Kevin Turner’s “American Man”: Concussions, ALS, and fandom

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I recently attended a fundraising event for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s disease). This event was sponsored by the Kevin Turner Foundation. Turner, a former Philadelphia Eagle, has ALS, and through his foundation he supports research about the disease. The Foundation also seeks to raise awareness about how brain trauma is related to contact sports. [Read more →]

bad sports, good sports

Bad sports, good sports: San Antonio Spurs fined for resting players

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What is the responsibility of a coach in professional sports? Is it to try to win every game? Is it to make sure the fans in the seats are entertained? Should he be focused on the television audience, perhaps? Maybe I am unusual in this, but I feel that the job of the coach is to win a championship. It appears that David Stern, the commissioner of the NBA, feels otherwise. On Friday, Stern fined the San Antonio Spurs $250,000 for coach Gregg Popovich’s decision to not play four of his star players in a game against Miami on Thursday. This was a terrible decision by the commissioner. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten things Mitt Romney is doing these days

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10. Driving to Burger King so he can wear that cardboard crown for awhile

9. Making plans for a Caribbean vacation to visit his money

8. Lying to Ann, Taggart, Matthew, Joshua, Benjamin, and Craig, just to keep in practice

7. Playing Monopoly

6. Trying to coax his dog out from under the bed for the family’s annual car trip

5. Blaming the world’s ills on the “takers” who “want stuff,” like food and housing

4. Participating in homoerotic wrestling matches with Paul Ryan

3. E-mailing the Republican National Committee that, if their strategy is to find someone for 2016 who is the 180-degree polar opposite of Romney, he could fill the bill, no problem!

2. Hand washing the skid marks out of his magic underwear

1. Thanking his lucky stars he didn’t win the Presidency, because he really didn’t want to have to move into a smaller house
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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