Sometimes I play a game for my own amusement. I sprinkle references to musicals into my conversations and lectures and wait expectantly to see if anyone notices. A few years back a student returned to class after an absence and as I took roll, he asked facetiously if I missed him.  I said, “I cried and cried until the tears came down and I could taste them.”  No response. Then I added, “I love to taste my tears. I am special. I am special. Please, god, please… don’t let me be normal.”

After I got no response, I announced the name of the musical I quoted and asked if anyone had ever heard of it. Still no response. Then one of my brightest students, a fearless and flamboyantly “out” gay man, answered “No, I’m not that gay.”

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Tags: Broadway Fred by Fred Siegel
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Tags: money, politics & government by Alexander Thorburn Hoffman
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William Shakespeare once suggested that “beauty is bought by judgement of the eye.” With a deeply deferential bow to the Bard, I would go on and add my own scribble, that “sense is bought by judgement of the ear.”

Which brings me to a verbal gaffe by Sarah Palin, the uproar – or lack thereof – over said gaffe, and the ensuing backlash towards those who did choose to raise an uproar.
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Tags: trusted media & news by Jeff McDonald
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My sons have been making construction paper turkeys in school with multicolored feathers that are labeled with the things for which they are thankful. So, here’s my one-feathered construction paper turkey: I’m thankful for artistic failure. Of course, if you have read any of my stuff before this, you will know that (1) “failure” is going to be qualified and that (2) I blame no one but myself for this failure. [Read more →]

Tags: artistic unknowns by Chris Matarazzo by Chris Matarazzo
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Turns out Michael Chertoff, the former Secretary for the Department of Homeland Security that’s been going on TV brow-beating the American people about how safe and needed body scanners are, runs a security and risk management firm and one of his clients is one of the biggest manufacturers of body scanning machines in the country. [Read more →]

Tags: travel & foreign lands by Dan Sterlace
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Ladies and gentlemen, as we dig into a new Marty Digs posting, I am asking you to excuse me.  My son Jack and I had the weekend together as mommy away doing another running race.  Jack decided he didn’t want to sleep much this weekend, which culminated in coming home from the Eagles game last night at 1am and finding him wide awake at home.  If there was a way to slur speech via typing, I am probably going to do it today. [Read more →]

Tags: Marty digs, recipes & food by Marty O'Connor
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It is time to start talking about NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson being one of the greatest sports figures of all time. Whether you are a fan of NASCAR or not (I am), there is no denying the monumental feat Johnson and his team accomplished on Sunday, winning their fifth consecutive Sprint Cup championship. This year’s edition was the closest one in recent history, with the top three drivers separated by less than 50 points going into the final race of the season. It appeared to me that most of the experts were picking Denny Hamlin, the points leader headed into the finale, to win the title. I would say that was wishful thinking, more than anything else. [Read more →]

Tags: bad sports, good sports by Alan Spoll
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I noticed that one of the three glass globes on the light fixture in my son’s bathroom was badly cracked, so I brought it to Lowe’s to find a replacement. None of the glass globes for sale were a match, but I saw that Lowe’s had the same lighting fixture for sale. I asked an associate how I could get a single glass globe. I was expecting him to give me the contact information for the manufacturer or that he would special order the part for me. Instead, he opened up the box of a new lighting fixture so he could give me one of the glass globes. But it wasn’t a match. It was close, but our fixture must be a few years old, and the globes that come with the fixtures being sold now are slightly different. He then got out the giant steps and climbed up to examine the display units high on the wall. There were three models on display — versions with two, three, and four lights. The glass globes were not all the same on the displays, and he removed several globes before finding one that was an exact match. When he did, he gave it to me. No charge. I didn’t have a receipt, nor do I know for sure that the fixture was purchased at Lowe’s in the first place, since we moved into this house a year and a half ago and the fixture was already here. For going out of his way to help me, I hereby present [whatever the guy's name is] with the Scott Stein Excellence in Customer Service Award. Lowe’s, if you’re reading this, [whatever that guy's name is] deserves some recognition from you as well. He ensured that this customer (who was already buying stuff at your store every week) will continue to shop at Lowe’s.

Tags: all work, money by Scott Stein
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10. You’re mistaken for a runaway Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon

9. You had to let out your shower curtain

8. At the beach, compassionate surfers keep trying to push you back in the ocean

7. This morning, the display on your bathroom scale read “Holy crap!”

6. You’re constantly asked what circus you work for

5. Your bellybutton suddenly popped out like one of those turkey thermometers

4. You’re sweating yams

3. NASA is planning to launch a rocket in the hopes of photographing the other side of you

2. So far, twelve people have referred to you as “Mr. Limbaugh”

1. Whenever anyone says, “Please pass the Butterball,” somebody grabs you
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, health & medical, recipes & food by Bob Sullivan
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Recently the boxer Bernard “The Executioner” Hopkins accused Manny Pacquiao of being biased against blacks. Why? Because they’re apparently the only people on Earth the phenomenon from the Philippines hasn’t been beating into comas. After all, recently Manny’s fought Hispanics (Antonio Margarito), whites (Ricky Hatton), and blacks (Joshua Clottey). Oops! When pointed this out, Hopkins amended his accusation to say Pacquiao was avoiding African-Americans, since even though Clottey was born in Africa and now lives in America, he technically is an African in America, not to be confused with an African-American (or a plain American, such as Bernard’s business partner “Golden Boy” Oscar De La Hoya, whom was clobbered into retirement by Manny). Still with Bernard? Let’s continue. [Read more →]

Tags: race & culture, sports by Sean Cunningham
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