Mass inception: Implanting the dream of sporting glory
In the movie Inception, inception is the implanting of an idea in someone’s mind through dreams. I wonder if this generation of parents will be remembered for exercising a kind of large-scale inception: Sports-crazed adults forcing a dream of sporting greatness and glory into their children’s heads.
There was a time when this may have been unnecessary. Kids once watched sporting heroes on TV or at games — remember when families could regularly afford this? — and went out in the street with their pals and tried those moves on their own. Day after day after day.
But now, many parents have decided that their kids aren’t ambitious enough when it comes to sports — remember those scholarships! — so they’re planting those dreams for them.
The overt form of this is probably less dangerous: The red-faced, maniac coach-parent screaming at his kid and insulting her or shaking his head in disgust at every mistake. Kids are smart, and they will catch on to this: My dad is an idiot. They’ll sort the rest out in therapy later.
The subtle form is more pervasive and insidious. The family schedule revolves around “the game.” Dinner conversations are all about “the game.” Parents who haven’t stepped inside their school more than once or twice a year bend over backward to make it to “the game.” When “the game” doesn’t go well, quiet disappointment, contrasted with the exciting jabber and milkshakes when the “the game” went delightfully. This kind of message will be much harder to sort out, and when “the game” ends for good, these kids will no doubt wonder what will be left of their relationship to their parents.
Sure, many times, you have to encourage children, maybe even outright push them to try new things or go beyond their comfort zone. But good parenting, teaching, and coaching involves restraint. Our default now is more. When in doubt, do more, yell more, pay more. And if they don’t quite get the importance of “the game,” we’ll see to it that they do.
Sports can also be a great vehicle to teach values. Handled intelligently, sports can show kids discipline, commitment, friendship, responsibility. Lots of parents see these connections. Lots of parents see their kids’ study skills improve because of participation in athletics. Lots of parents help their kids take the teamwork skills of sports and transfer them to their social sphere. But we are also raising a generation of kids whom we get ready for the “game” while a lawn service cuts our grass and a maid cleans their rooms. Values?
In Arthur Miller’s incomparable Death of a Salesman, there’s the great scene in which the Loman family is preparing for son Biff’s football game. Neighbor Charley, whose own son ends up being a lawyer who argues in front of the Supreme Court, inspires outrage by claiming not to know there is a game that day. Willy Loman, furious at Charley’s ignorance, says, “This is the greatest day of his life.” Charley responds, “Willy, when are you going to grow up?” Willy then quotes to Charley the big salary Biff will make when he becomes a pro athlete. I don’t think I’m ruining the play by telling you that doesn’t happen. By the way, Miller published the play in 1949.
A few weeks back I wrote a piece “My kid plays up.” Some protested that it was calling for sports mediocrity. Someone actually invoked the name Pelé — yeah, that Pelé. But “My kid plays up” is a parent’s narrative — and it’s about a very young child. It wasn’t a call to disband elite teams. My experience with sports at all levels has shown me there is a thin layer of kids who want a sporting “job” at eight years old. The rest will put on the uniform and go the practice, and of course they all love to win. If you implant a dream in their head, they will try hard, and in breaking your heart, they may break their own as well.
We’re structuring a whole cultural athletics movement around the few kids, those Pelés. I don’t directly blame the elite club/personal training culture. This has sprung up in response to parents who demand those services. (Keep in mind this is about sports obsession. What a different post this would be if we were talking about our nation’s obsession with creating better writers, scientists, or mathematicians.)
As you watch your young athlete, the question you just might want to ask is this: Whose dream are we chasing here?
If you look out into the backyard and your kid is out there practicing, why you can’t do enough to encourage him. If your kid is out in the waning autumn light trying to get better, his mind focused on a dream of his own, that’s a beautiful thing. But if he’s out there pursuing a dream that he doesn’t realize has been instilled in him by your years of approvals and discontents, a dream of sporting glory you drilled into his head, forced on him, that’s sad — and ugly.
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The seventh paragraph in this is important. People forget that sports were introduced into schools for those very reasons: the educational value of the sports — teamwork, etc. On that level, sports can be the greatest thing for a kid. But if you look at sports through the wrong lens, bad news, as you point out.
Scott,
I train high school athletes for sports performance enhancement…you know, “Run faster, jump higher, get stronger, etc…” Over the last 2 years there has been a big influx of middle school athletes “signing” up to train with me for those same purposes. I haven’t met too many of these middle school athletes that really ‘want’ to be there everyday training for their sport. These kids are 11, 12 and 13 years old. The parents are pushing them and now they are willing to pay big money for it..
The 2 or 3 sport athlete is a thing of the past, even for the 11 year olds.
I have a l5 year old daughter who absolutely loves to play soccer; most of her summer is spent hanging out and picking up games on the soccer field. Being a responsible, hard working young lady, she has reached an age where she can now earn some money as a referee for the SJSL.
My daughter, who has handled many difficult situations on her own and spoken to many customer service reps. in a manner that adults could take a lesson from, and helped in a single parent home with 4 siblings, and taken part in state sponsored leadership programs, was reduced to tears by the coaches and parents at her first paying ref job. We’re talking teams of 8 & 9 year olds!
I hope this article hits home to those who see themselves in it. Shame on those adults who cannot control themselves and discourage a hardworking young lady with dreams and goals of her own!!!
I actually stopped being a referee also because parents reduced me to tears. I loved soccer when I was younger, I still do, but because my mom let it be my dream I didn’t burn out like so many of my friends. It was something I worked for, something I needed. I could have been one of those girls who was taxied back and forth to practice everyday, but my mom constantly told me I needed time to be a kid. I didn’t get it then, but I certainly do now. Another great one Mr. Warnock!!
Great article Scott. Today we are so focused on the materialistic aspect of life that the values that were once part of the American culture have been forgotten. One of the issues today with professional athletics is the exorbitant amount of money that is being offered. Why would our children want to be a teacher, Doctor, or another professional when they believe along with alot of the parents that they can become rich playing professional sports.