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family & parentingmovies

The girls are alright

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Has anybody else gotten the memo going around? The one reminding us to dump buckets of ridicule and disdain on pre-teen girls?

Because, they’re getting kind of big for their britches, you know. Every few years they join forces to bring about these huge cultural phenomena, like Twilight, and before that Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers and Hello Kitty and friendship bracelets and the Disney Channel and Titanic and those one-hit wonders, the Beatles. So, accordingly, they should be universally crushed and stomped, because — as everyone knows — if tweeners like it (read girl tweeners), it must be lame and contemptible. [Read more →]

Pitney patrolpolitics & government

Fat and liberty

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A university in Pennsylvania has decided that students with a BMI of 30 or more must take physical education classes or they will not be allowed to graduate.  The motivation, of course, is to make sure that students are being the best selves they can be: [Read more →]

books & writingpolitics & government

Happy birthday to Mark Twain

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Today is Mark Twain’s birthday. He was born on November 30, 1835.

I just read an interesting piece on Mark Twain by Harold Witkov at the American Thinker.

Harold Witkov speculates on what Twain would be like if he were alive today. Since the American Congress is determined to shove socialized health care down our throats (and every other orifice), I offer what Twain wrote about the Congress:

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

He also wrote the following:

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Happy birthday to one of America’s greatest writers.

terror & war

On the latest Afghanistan troop surge

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Yesterday, President Obama requested that additional troops be sent to Afghanistan, the New York Times reports. The actual number of soldiers is unknown, but according to the Times piece, “senior advisers to the president have said Mr. Obama intends to commit roughly 30,000 more troops.” [Read more →]

bad sports, good sports

Bad sports, good sports: keep the public out of the Hall of Fame voting

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Throughout professional and amateur sports, a lot of attention is paid to each sport’s Hall of Fame. Every year, there are ceremonies and announcements to celebrate the newest inductees. In theory, the people being inducted are the best of the best, deserving of their permanent place in the sport’s history. For years, I have felt that the standards that were being applied to this selection process were being lowered, particularly in the major professional sports (football, baseball, and basketball). This week, though, I encountered something that really made me question the point of the whole endeavor: official public voting for the NFL Hall of Fame. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten things overheard at this year’s Thanksgiving dinner

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10. “Run for your lives! The electric carving knife has a mind of its own!”

9. “I didn’t have to stuff the turkey; it wasn’t hollow!”

8. “John, when you said you were bringing your new soulmate, Terry, we just assumed she was female.”

7. “It takes me a whole friggin’ year to forget how much I hate each and every one of you!”

6. “I realize it’s called that by some people, but can’t you just call it ‘white meat’?”

5. “Sorry about the pies. One’s pumpkin and one’s mincemeat, but don’t ask me which is which.”

4. “Yeah, my flat screen TV’s busted….Hey! Where ya goin’? We haven’t had dinner yet!”

3. “9-1-1? How do you get someone out of a tryptophan-induced coma?”

2. “Me? I’m thankful Thanksgiving just comes once a year!”

1. “You ate so much turkey, your belly button just popped like one o’ them Butterball thermometers!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

politics & governmenttelevision

The Beverly Hillbilly Government

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When I was a kid, before school, I’d pour myself a bowl of Cap’n Crunch and watch TBS.  Back in those days, TBS rotated classic comedy shows in their morning schedule, and so I’ve seen more episodes of Gilligan’s Island, Bewitched, and Andy Griffith than I care to admit. [Read more →]

health & medicalrecipes & food

Organic food in crisis

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Organic farmers are in crisis. After spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to convert their conventional farms to organic in the past few years, they are now faced with the shrinking organic market and a mountain of debt. The middle class are looking for ways to cut expenses as they deal with job loss or job insecurity, and forgoing organic products has been an easy way to save a few dollars. [Read more →]

art & entertainmentmovies

A guessing game, featuring French ‘philosopher’ Bernard Henri-Levy and ?

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Which modern day martyr do you think Huffington Post contributor and ‘philosopher’ Bernard Henri-Levy is talking about here?

“Nothing will repair the days he has spent in prison. Nothing will erase the immense, unbelievable injustice he has been subjected to. Nothing will take away the hysteria of those ones who have never stopped pouring contempt upon him, hounding him through hatred and asking for his punishment as if we were living the darkest and most ferocious hours of the McCarthy era all over again. At least the nightmare is about to end. At least the end of the hell is looming. And this, for the time being, is what does matter.” [Read more →]

politics & governmentterror & war

Political correctness gone mad in the U.S. Navy: Navy SEALs on trial for giving a terrorist a fat lip

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It was not so long ago that Americans and the rest of the world marveled at the ability of the U.S. Navy SEALs to take out the pirates holding a merchant ship captain captive on a life boat off the coast of Africa. 

To prevent the pirates from killing the captain, the SEALs had to shoot them as they sat on a small boat swaying in the sea. The SEALs took this amazing action from the deck of a nearby Navy ship, which was also swaying in the sea – no small feat indeed.

Yet, the U.S. Navy has now placed on trial three Navy SEALs who captured a well-known, brutal and murderous terrorist in Iraq. Instead of a medal for capturing him, the Navy has accused the SEALs of abuse. You see, the poor, misunderstood terrorist claims he was struck by the SEALs.  

[Read more →]

animalscreative writing

Thanksgiving dreams: kamikaze turkeys and human sacrifice

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When the phone rang at 3:30 this morning, my first reaction was to throw it at the wall. Then I realized that a phone call in the middle of the night, just a few hours removed from an embarrassment of Thanksgiving gluttony, could only signal tragedy.

“Dude, we’re fucked! We’re all going to die!”

It was my friend Monty Gelstein, a bit of a paranoid but not usually one to declare an emergency.

“Good,” I said. “Is it the giant asteroid?”

“I’m serious, man! I think the turkeys were poisoned!”

“Yeah, well, I’m a vegetarian, so …” [Read more →]

family & parentinghis & hers

Holiday shopping: Boys and kitchen sets?

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Black Friday officially commences the beginning of the holiday season. In other words, I have to get my ass in gear and start buying presents. Buying gifts for my relatives is no small feat. Almost every holiday that I spend with my in-laws, someone inevitably starts an argument about the quality and thoughtfulness of a gift. I really love my in-laws, but squabbling over presents on Christmas doesn’t exactly put one in the holiday spirit. [Read more →]

books & writing

Fan Boy: I liked reading Beg, Borrow, Steal

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The memoir craze has been going on as long as I can remember, which is about 10 years. Anyone who wants to criticize my knowledge of the publishing world should remember that 10 years ago I was in high school and spent most of my time trying to discreetly look down girls’ shirts. I wasn’t that discreet. But, let the record show I was never perverted enough to look up anything, nor was I scholarly enough to look up anything. To be honest autobiographies aren’t my cup of tea. Sure, I got curious, especially in college, and I’ve read a few, but generally the genre falls flat unless the person is famous or serious addictions are revealed. Beg, Borrow, Steal: A Writer’s Life by Michael Greenburg is an exception. This memoir is a solid and engaging read as you see Greenburg’s life through New York City snapshots.

[Read more →]

books & writingon thrillers and crime

On crime & thrillers: Raymond Chandler’s influence on crime novels and film

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I have a couple of unread books on my nightstand next to my bed and about a dozen more on a table in my basement office.

Instead of reading these new novels and nonfiction books, I’m rereading Raymond Chandler’s classic crime thrillers. As I recently read a newspaper piece about Robert Altman’s somewhat loose film adaptation of Chandler’s The Long Goodbye, I had the urge to read the novel again for what is perhaps the 12th time since I first read all of his novels as a teenager so long ago. Chandler is that good, in my view.

[Read more →]

Kelly Conaboy saves the world

How to avoid Thanksgiving arguments

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It’s Thanksgiving again (so true).

Webster’s Dictionary defines Thanksgiving as “a time for giving thanks” (probably), but for many, Thanksgiving is “a time for doing stuff that you don’t really want to do.” Driving places, doing dishes, cornucopias, football, leaves, pumpkins — all very much “the worst.”

But one of the good things about Thanksgiving is getting to hear lots of different and colorful political opinions around the Thanksgiving table. It’s a well-known fact that everyone loves having a political opinion and it’s also a well-known fact that everyone loves talking. The only trouble with these things is that sometimes everyone gets mad when you combine them. [Read more →]

politics & governmentterror & war

Little big lie

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Let us agree, outrageously and perhaps treasonously, to speak as if things are exactly as they seem. I am not saying that things ARE exactly as they seem, that would be preposterous. Let us just proceed hypothetically.

It seems that Global Warming is an utter fraud. Not a mistake. [Read more →]

politics & governmenttelevision

ABC to offer a double-o (as in Oprah & Obama) Christmas special

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I just read a news item that informed me that ABC has announced they will air an Oprah Winfrey/President Obama Christmas special.

As Obama is slipping badly in the polls, failing at most of his major programs, and doesn’t appear to be all that interested in national security, I’d like to offer a modest proposal that will make all of America happy. [Read more →]

sports

When cheating becomes actual cheating

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If you’re not cheating you’re not trying hard enough, it’s not cheating if you don’t get caught, if you know how to cheat start now. Bending the rules has long been a celebrated part of athletics, yet there comes a point where it leaves the territory of competitive advantage and enters the realm of pro wrestling. One such moment occurred recently when France defeated Ireland to reach the World Cup thanks to a goal that involved two handballs, which is bad since soccer allegedly is not played with one’s hands (I thought a French player was offside as well, but once the ref ignores two handballs that’s no big deal, just like once police overlook a bank robbery you can’t expect them to notice the getaway car’s double parked). [Read more →]

Fred's dreams

Bed

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November 20, 2009
I dream I am living in a dorm with my roommate, Eric. Our room is a mess and there are several loose pretzels on his bed. Eric is inspired and suggests that we enhance our web site with snack-related features. I leave the room with my suitcase and stumble into a “happening” performed by students dressed as doctors. I am wearing my C-PAP mask and chin strap, so I look like a mummy. I try to sit in the bleachers, but the folks dressed as doctors insist I participate.

[Read more →]

books & writing

Just Fantastic: Preacher, volume 4

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Into every series a little rain must fall. And this one is a Tsunami of shit that splatters itself all over the awesome Preacher series. Now the good news is that you don’t need to read it. The volume addresses various back stories, which intrigued my curiosity until it made me want to tear the copy in half and flush it down the toilet one sheet at a time. Honestly, skip this volume.

[Read more →]

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