As promised in an earlier post I’m going to start each blog with a random personal fact about myself. Here goes: I hate taking my daughter to parks; public parks, private parks, hell even your backyard swing-set makes me mental. You know why? [Read more →]
10. He wanted to demonstrate the detrimental effects of being forced to accept a $700 million economic stimulus package.
9. He just has a weakness for Latin spitfires.
8. He wanted to show his four sons what happens when you cheat and then get caught.
7. As the governor of South Carolina, he was just “Aiken” to see his girlfriend.
6. He thought his wife might enjoy a breather.
5. He wanted to see if he could out-Blagojevich Blagojevich.
4. To help him better deal with South Carolina’s growing immigrant community, his mistress was teaching him Spanish.
3. He was checking if he could sneak in and out of the country unnoticed, to see how porous our borders are.
2. Governor Sanford wanted to be home on Father’s Day, but Governor “Johnson” had different ideas.
1. He thought the Appalachian Trail ran through Argentina.
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
If you said, “Five-hundred dollars!” and can stand chilling with a Cocker Spaniel for twenty minutes, good lawd does Craig’s List have a deal for you!
Author’s note: For 10 months I traveled to work in New York City from my home in southeastern Connecticut. Notice I used the word “traveled” and not “commuted.” The difference, to me, is mileage and duration. My daily “commute” was three hours each way, including a 45-minute drive, an hour-and-40-minute train ride, and subway rides across and uptown. Occasionally, I took notes on the people sitting around me on the train. What follows is the sixth of several stream-of-consciousness entries I made in an untitled journal.
Monday, August 4, 2008
The gentleman sitting across the aisle from me represents what I am loathe to become. The cell phone in the holster on his belt, Bluetooth earpiece attached to his head leaving him free to fill out some sort of official-looking pink piece of administrative paperwork, his laptop a convenient table to be deployed for use during his commute. He is plugged in, always connected. [Read more →]
I’m packing my bags for a vacation. This trip is different from others I’ve taken in recent years because this time, I’m vacationing with my entire family. That’s right, the whole clan: the parents, the siblings, and their families. Ten personalities trying to peacefully coexist under one roof, for one week. My father has decided that the theme of the week is “tolerance.” I’ve decided that the theme of the week is “homicide.” [Read more →]
Faith is a test. As a Catholic, I was asked to believe in Papal infallibility even as the Church actively protected pedophile priests. Now Iran’s Supreme leader instructs his people to accept they had an honest presidential election, even as the government concedes there are at least 50 cities where there were more votes cast than actual voters. And that’s as it should be. It’s simple to believe something clearly accurate — where’s the challenge in that? — but to embrace a thing that’s demonstrably wrong requires a leap of faith separating the truly devout from the casual follower. It’s possible the recent international humiliation will lead Iran to shove their Ayatollah into the shadows. But if he survives with his power intact, it’s a reminder that in the battle between faith and reason, irrational dogma still holds its own.
Man of the Moment appears each Wednesday.
June 13, 2009
I dream a production of All My Sons is to open at school in a week. It has yet to be cast and it does not have a director. I try to convince Bea Arthur to direct. Bea doesn’t want to do it in one week, so I’m stuck with it myself. The students are reluctant to audition because they want to do something funnier. I assure them that Arthur Miller is hilarious.
It’s a wonderful vision of hell stuffed with good ideas, but Kid Eternity left me unsatisfied.
I wanted to like this book. It’s the re-publication of the three-comic series from the early 1990s. Each comic was divided into two cantos. And it’s written by Grant Morrison, one of my favorite graphic authors, and the concept of a journey through his vision of hell sounded awesome. The basic premise is a tour through hell to resolve a crisis — there is a slight nod to Dante’s Inferno. All signs point to me having a massive uncontrollable nerd-gasm. But I never climaxed. [Read more →]
It may be Christmas time in Chicago, but none of the ladies or gentlemen in The Merry Gentleman are enjoying the holidays, at least not at first. During the opening credits a professional killer commits a murder and a tearful wife leaves her husband for a new life. But do not be misled by this action-packed beginning. This is a thoughtful and deliberate film about a disparate trio whose lives are tinged by regret and hope. [Read more →]
On Sunday, my son and I won our local Father’s Day, Father/Son Golf Tournament for the seventh time in eight tries. Mind you, neither of us is great, but are both better than the average duffer. Playing ‘alternate shot,’ a tricky format where father alternates with son hitting one ball until it is in the cup, we scored a 41 on a par 33 course, to beat a 43 and a 45, the next best scores out of 10 teams. It wasn’t the best we’ve scored in the tournament, but it was rainy and poor conditions for playing good golf. [Read more →]
But why, mommy? How many times do you get that question — about any number of topics? Maybe it’s three times a day or maybe it’s three times an hour. To make your life a little easier I’ve given you ten answers to the simple question: Mommy, why is the sky blue?
1) It’s not. You’re drunk. Oh no, wait, I’m drunk.
2) Its blue because of molecules and stuff, I think. I don’t know. I cut science class a lot. Go watch TV.
3) Because God’s favorite color is blue. When he’s mad his favorite color is grey. He’s been mad lately at the Northeast.
4) Google it.
I love my parents, but I draw the line at having them as internet buddies.
A few months back, my mother asked me what Facebook was and if she could join. I told her that the social networking website would be of little use to her because she doesn’t even own a computer. Then recently I was talking with my father on the phone and he asked me if I would accept his friend requests on Facebook and Myspace. My answer was a resounding no [Read more →]
So, last week David Letterman made a joke about New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez raping Sarah Palin’s 14 year-old daughter. I have to say, the joke was pretty funny. It was really directed at A-Rod and his womanizing, and I could not help but laugh at that. However, the joke was pretty damn inappropriate too. Letterman should have refrained from that zinger, given the young girl’s age and her status as private citizen. It would not have been much better if he had been referring to Palin’s 18 year-old daughter either. She is still a young lady outside the public forum. But he did not refrain, and from there we have the drama. [Read more →]
There are certain foods that belong together; Pork chops and apples, prosciutto and melon, macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly…. This salad focuses on another great team, shrimp and avocado. Use wild domestic shrimp and perfectly ripe avocado (just barely squeezable) and you can’t go wrong with this one.
Shrimp, Avocado, and Corn Salad: lime-cilantro vinaigrette
I thought that nothing could seem more ridiculous than a “religion” made up by a hack science fiction writer, until I read a little bit about the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints, or FLDS. Secret ceremonies, special undergarments, temples that only members could enter, heavens available only to men with at least 3 wives (who actually get their own planet to rule)… you couldn’t sell a script like this to the most desperate movie exec. So it has always amazed me that people — women in particular — were willing to stay in such a crazy and demeaning situation. There have been a number of books about the FLDS, but none of them has been as clear in its explanations as Lost Boy by Brent W. Jeffs. [Read more →]
All aboard! The Bachelorette hit the tracks last night and made me want to punch a ticket for a ride. That was certainly the coolest set of dates put together “in Bachelorette history.” The breathtaking views, the first-class service, the private train cars… funny how the NYC subway looks nothing like that, especially when you’re the last one to squeeze on and the only view you have is of some woman from Queens’ hairy armpit (no offense Michael). [Read more →]
I wanted to riff this week on a more light-hearted quote than those I have lately considered, so I googled P.G. Wodehouse quotes, thinking that if anyone had uttered something memorably light-hearted, it would have to be the creator of Jeeves.
Oddly, the one that caught my fancy was this: “Flowers are happy things.” [Read more →]
Olga Gardner Galvin provides safe harbor for humorists, cynics, and misanthropes at ENC Press, a small, independent publishing house specializing in satirical novels, and July 4, 2009 marks ENC Press’s sixth anniversary. ENC is an acronym for Emperor’s New Clothes, and so it makes sense Galvin’s focus is on novels that reveal the bizarre truths underlying our outer representations. Her catalogue’s comic plots cover much of the socio-political terrain of our times and concern everything from big media and business in big cities to expatriate decadence, sex-change clinics, and trailer-park love. Monkey See is her latest title, and Dear Mr. Unabomber and The Eternity Brigade are due to be published later this year. Galvin’s authors include When Falls the Coliseum’s own Michael Antman, Mark A. Rayner, and Scott Stein. One reason Galvin’s authors love ENC Press is that she has managed to keep each of her 18 titles in print since hanging her shingle online in 2003. To view her complete list and a couple classics available as free downloads, visit ENC Press.
But first, note Olga Gardner Galvin’s conscientious answers to my interview questions below. [Read more →]
My list of the top five novels of all time changes from time to time. Currently it is:
1. Anna Karenina, 2. Lolita, 3. Sabbath’s Theatre, 4. Cousin Bette, 5. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles.
Numbers two through five will likely change or change in order, but Tolstoy’s novel of adultery in 19th century Russia has been at the top since I first read it twenty-five years ago. [Read more →]
Last year The Weekly Standard kindly published my ruminations on the yearly celebration of the 1958 camp sci-fi classic The Blob in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania. If you haven’t been, go see the movie in the very theater where the blob-consumes-audience scene was shot. It’s a hoot. Indeed, I had so much fun reporting the event I decided to enter this year’s BlobFest short film competition. Check out my entry if you have a spare five minutes, let me know what you think, sympathize with my long-suffering wife and pugs, etc., etc.
