The Supreme Court ruled last Thursday in District of Columbia v. Heller that the District of Columbia’s almost de facto ban on handgun ownership violates the Second Amendment. While some liberal commentators have expressed abhorrence toward this ruling, I think it is important to actually discuss what the ruling said. In that vein, we must first look to what Mr. Heller was suing over. [Read more →]

Tags: on the law
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The AP reports that the math skills of American students would be better if elementary school teachers had math skills to begin with. Now before we delve into this topic, let me state for the record that I am a high school physics teacher. From my position, it would be easy to blame the poor math skills of my students on their math teachers. I have students who can’t math their way out of a paper bag, and I take a lot of time every year to teach basic algebra (solve for x) to students who should have those skills before walking in my door. I sometimes resent that my time to teach my own subject is eaten up with mathematical remediation — and not just for a few individuals, but for a large percentage of even the honors students. There isn’t even an argument regarding whether my students lack sufficient math skills. But it isn’t their fault. I am not being facetious when I say that. The fact is that somebody along the way failed to teach them. [Read more →]

Tags: education
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An older brother’s job is to protect his younger brother or sister. That’s what I’d always been told by my parents, and that’s what I’d seen. My older brother protected me. [Read more →]

Tags: reflections & recollections by Scott Stein
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We all have our horror stories about lousy customer service. My most recent was when my husband and I were standing in line at an office supply store. The clerk was yapping into her cell phone while scanning our purchases. Without so much as a word or a glance in our direction, she managed to bag our items, take our money, and hand us our receipt. Her name tag identified her as the assistant manager. [Read more →]

Tags: all work, money
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June 6, 2008
I dream I am in a combination university/world’s fair and I need a bathroom. Steven Feinberg from elementary school gets there before I do, so Gail encourages me to try the medieval bathroom. There is a steep cobblestone ramp [Read more →]

Tags: Fred's dreams, ends & odd
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Two Salt Lake City sisters, Sadie, 9, and Pyper, 7, protested high gas prices after the family canceled its cable TV to save money because of rising fuel costs. As the AP describes it, cable TV was one of the “budget-cutting casualties” (emphasis mine) and it left the sisters “without their favorite cartoons and shows.” It’s worse than living in Darfur. [Read more →]

Tags: diatribes, language & grammar
7 Comments »

When I have it in abundance there is no moderation. I’m an addict. I drink one, then another, and another until it is gone within a few hours. I can’t even begin to fathom the amount of money I have spent on it over the years. Now it seems my children have inherited my addiction. We buy by the case. Multiple cases, actually — in three or four different flavors. [Read more →]

Tags: diatribes, family & parenting
1 Comment »

I’ve recently learned through the magic of the internet that that staple of physical comedy in the modern era, the blow to the male groin, has reached its apotheosis in a YouTube favorite called Kicked in the Nuts.  If you have not watched this bit of entertainment, the segments feature a wiry man sporting a bright orange wig — reminiscent of Carrot Top or the McDonald’s clown — who sneaks up on unsuspecting victims and kicks them in the groin. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, ends & odd
2 Comments »

I might be risking my libertarian, anti-authoritarian street cred, but this doesn’t seem unreasonable to me. The Associated Press reports that police entered Troy Molde’s home in Lakeville, Minnesota and woke him at three in the morning. It was part of a public service campaign to get people to lock their doors to prevent thefts. Molde “feels violated,” as he should. Strangers in your house at three in the morning — strangers with guns and badges — giving you a lecture about home security is no fun. The police say entering the home was justified. [Read more →]

Tags: on the law
6 Comments »

Once a week, my family dresses in pioneer clothes, and steps into time — full skirts, long sleeves, aprons, pantaloons, bonnets, and boots. Our invention for time traveling is an air-conditioned car. Once I drive through the gates, we’ve arrived in the 1800’s. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd
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UN Classifies rape a ‘war tactic’

A recent BBC News article outlined how the UN Security Council had voted unanimously to classify rape as a weapon of war.

Does that sound odd to anyone else? I guess it would make more sense if they had, instead, classified it as a war crime, but to classify it as a weapon of war?

I can only assume that the UN is using the Security Council as an attempt to add weight to their stance that ’someone’ should do something about the epidemic of rape in the DR Congo. Since simple censure and vocal condemnation has not stopped the wholesale rape of women in Africa, by co-opting the Security Council and declaring rape as the moral and legal equivalent of an act of war, the Security Council can send in troops under the guise of peacekeeping.

While I would never belittle the horror of the act of rape, it is a criminal act akin to murder and should be dealt with as such. Not only does this open the door to adding other criminal acts to the new list of weapons of war, it actually adds legitimacy to the use of rape as a tool of war. I think most people would agree that the very idea is abhorrent.

I suppose the next step is to declare AIDS as a weapon of Mass Destruction so that the UN can levy greater funding from the more affluent member nations to effect social change by force of arms.

To mis-use a phrase made popular by the new Indiana Jones movie, the UN has ‘nuked the fridge‘. The UN has long been working towards complete irrelevance and this latest act has done nothing to stop the downward spiral.

Tags: on the law, politics & government
4 Comments »

I’ve recently returned from a tour of Europe, and was fascinated by the lack of border security. Of course, there are 24 countries in continental Europe (part of the Schengen Agreement) that have abolished formal border controls. Many of the countries I visited were in this Schengen zone; however, the United Kingdom and Switzerland are not. So on my trip, I crossed “hard” borders four times and my passport was checked at only one of them. Crossing into France from the UK, the bus was “waived” through immigration. Leaving the European Union and entering Switzerland, the bus driver merely paid a toll and we kept on driving. Re-entering the EU in Austria was much the same. It was not until we got back to the UK that a passport check occurred. [Read more →]

Tags: politics & government
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In graduate school I went through phases. I had my Cormac McCarthy phase, my Don DeLillo phase, my Tim O’Brien phase. Like a young athlete emulating his heroes, I paid homage to mine by copying their prosaic technique, voice, and style. McCarthy’s sweeping vision, and long, stark, near-Biblical sentences; DeLillo’s twisting language and genius sensibility; O’Brien’s subtle potency, the conveyance of confusion, tragedy, and strange beauty in war. Story after story I tried to incorporate these traits and elements into my own work, until my advisor told me, “You’re not Cormac McCarthy. Or DeLillo. Or Tim O’Brien. Just be you.”

The problem was that I didn’t know who I was. [Read more →]

Tags: books & writing
1 Comment »

I spent most of last week traveling to attend a biker get-together. Nothing unusual in that, except that this group, and by extension the meet itself, was the product of relationships developed online.

The hours I spent on the road gave me, as it always does, a lot of time to ponder my belly button. The topic that got the most mileage was the changing nature of friendships in my life. [Read more →]

Tags: technology
6 Comments »

This afternoon I went to the Bucks County Historical Society to do some genealogy research for a writing project I’m working on. When I called the BCHS yesterday to find out their hours I was excited to find out that it’s housed not just in Doylestown, which I knew, but right inside the Mercer Museum.

The Mercer Museum, if you’ve never been to it, is awesome. It’s a feat of Victorian geekery. At the turn of the 20th century crackpot collector Henry Mercer had the idea to compile as many handmade (not machine-made) objects as he could since, as he saw it, these things were on their way out. He assembled his huge collection inside a cement castle (!), with all the various objects of old-school interest divided into separate little warrens that wind around the perimeter of the building and up to the top. There’s tin smithing, whaling, the healing arts; on the top-most level is a gallows. Yikes. [Read more →]

Tags: books & writing, technology
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July 15, 2006
I dream it is the morning after a festival, the house is in disarray, and servants are cleaning up. I see leftover cookies and candy all around, and I announce that I would appreciate it if people would consume this stuff quickly or dispose of it because I will eat it all. Then, Daniel comes upstairs and apparently, the eggs have hatched. He has white, translucent baby chicks that hover above his hands. Another creature appears; [Read more →]

Tags: Fred's dreams, animals
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My wife is 8 months pregnant and she looks it. We live in New York City, with over 8 million people, but big belly and all she somehow becomes invisible when we walk on the street or take a bus or ride the subway. I become invisible too, even though I’m usually the only 6’2, 235 lb. Chinese man within a 100 foot radius. (Of course there might be another giant Chinese guy 101 or 102 feet away, but that’s too far for me to see.)

But this isn’t about me — this is about my wife, and how blind people are to pregnant women; and even worse, when people actually do see a pregnant woman, how rude they can consciously and purposefully be. [Read more →]

Tags: diatribes, his & hers
3 Comments »

I am a librarian’s daughter. My sister and I were raised between the stacks. Our mother left it up to us to either be bored or learn to read. We read. My sister was inclined toward smut. But the trashy romance genre was not for me; I was enthralled by non-fiction. History — real people, real events.

Most of the information that I have stored over the years has become disjointed and most was always completely useless to anyone else. But sometimes it amazes me the little jewels I have retained. I’m not bragging. It is a disease. I am obsessive about needing all the facts. Something will pique my interest and I feel obligated to exhaust every resource.

[Read more →]

Tags: books & writing, technology
6 Comments »

I make zines. I’m a writer, and making zines is a big part of my writing life. At this point it’s a big part of, just, my life-life. A sizable percentage of the people I consider good friends are folks I’ve met at zine fests, by trading zines with them through the mail, or in online ziney gathering spots. 

I’ve been interested to notice — and thought it would be interesting to note, here on the world wide web — that on occasion over the last several years a person who isn’t involved with zines will ask me or my fellow zinesters, rhetorically, musingly: “I guess blogs have kind of killed zines then, right?” 

This annoys me. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, books & writing
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 ”Don’t give us that cock-and-bull story,” the prosecutor said. “We can wait till the cows come home. Let’s talk turkey.”

“You’re trying to throw me to the lions,” the accused said.

“You’re in the doghouse all right, but I’m giving you a chance to keep the wolf from your door.”

“It’s a fine kettle of fish I’m in.”

The prosecutor was impatient. “Just grab the bull by the horns.” [Read more →]

Tags: animals, creative writing
1 Comment »

I’m a feminist. Let’s just get it over with. I had an ERA button as a kid, I idolized Pat Schroeder, I signed petitions, and I got into arguments with lots of smart men and liked them anyway. Because I’m a feminist, I wanted to go after the Taliban long before 9-11, and these days I want to go after those assholes in Utah raising baby sex slaves just as much.

But, I didn’t want Hillary.

She did not set off a big spark of luv in my Anita Hill believin’ heart for a few reasons, but the main one is I believe we can do better.

The war. Gay marriage. The war. The stupid summer gas tax silliness. The war. What’s that Bosnia crap all about? Oh, and the war.

We can do better. Pat Schroeder and Arianna Huffington may not think so. Janeane Garofalo may not think so.

I think so and and my 76 year old “postfeminist” mother thought so.  I looked for more backup and found another hero of mine, a brilliant political thinker and feminist who said back in 2006, “I will not support Hillary Clinton for president.” She was right then and she’s still right. Don’t settle.

Tags: his & hers, politics & government
1 Comment »

May 21, 2008

I dream I am watching a play with my wife, Gail, and my sister-in-law Helaine. A cute dog is a character in the play, and I notice that the tip of his nose moves in and out somewhat when he talks. I wasn’t aware that dogs’ noses did that, although I was aware that dogs’ penises [Read more →]

Tags: Fred's dreams, art & entertainment
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I enjoy watching the Triple Crown races each year, and have been a fan, at least through association, since I was a kid. Weekdays my dad would come home from work, paper folded under his arm, and when I leafed through I would notice that the horse/betting section was always torn out. On weekends I was occasionally dragged to the track, but mostly I saw the insides of local OTB’s. (I suspect my dad still makes occasional visits for nostalgia, if nothing else.)

So I follow the big horses and races when they are in season, and I am familiar with names like Secretariat and Seattle Slew because of my dad. And having watched a handful of near-Triple Crown winners in the last five years, I was particularly excited by the prospect of Big Brown being the first in my adult lifetime.

We now know that that didn’t happen (though we’re not sure exactly why), [Read more →]

Tags: drugs & alcohol, sports
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We must talk of Robert Kennedy because he matters, especially this year, a presidential election year in the 40th June since he died young and heroic and needlessly. Imagine Bobby Kennedy at brother Ted’s age, only older. And then imagine their oldest surviving brother Jack Kennedy at the age of 91. And all three brothers are sitting side by side. It is impossible to imagine, not because the idea of them together is difficult to conjure, what with the morph technology and all — it is just impossible to imagine a world without dead Kennedys, one president of the United States, his younger brother certain to become the next. Dead Kennedys haunted my childhood and my adulthood. Loving Bobby was almost harder than losing Jack. Many of us ache, and I mean ache, when we think what might have been. Had Bobby lived.

To describe Barack Obama as the Bobby Kennedy of his generation is, sorta, kinda, maybe — EXACTLY — like what is going on today. Except Obama isn’t running against a sitting Democratic president embroiled in an unpopular foreign war. Obama is running against eight years of Bush-Cheney. There’s no way Barack can lose this, is there? [Read more →]

Tags: politics & government, race & culture
3 Comments »

As you can see at the top of the page, When Falls the Coliseum now has a custom header graphic instead of the boring text one that was there before. Thanks to Andrew Turner for his usual kickass designing.

Tags: announcements
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Neither will sheep and cattle in New Zealand, if the claim by scientists is true that they have developed a “flatulence inoculation.” Why the need for this inoculation?

Ruminants are responsible for about 25 per cent of the methane produced in Britain, but in countries with a large agricultural sector, the proportion is much higher.

The 45 million sheep and 10 million cattle in New Zealand burped and farted about 90 percent of that country’s methane emissions, according to government figures.

As today’s Telegraph story notes, livestock only accounts for about 2% of greenhouse gas emissions in the United States. That doesn’t mean that American animals don’t fart and burp, just that it’s a small percentage of our total output, because we have cars and other fun stuff doing most of the emitting. 

It is nevertheless a good thing that our politicians haven’t yet imposed a flatulence tax like the one New Zealand proposed. If I was as skilled a humorist as Dave Barry, I would end with a punchline about men being the real source of most of the world’s flatulence and the dire need for Congress to act.

Tags: animals, environment & nature
2 Comments »

Since this is my first blog, let me start by saying I am not a blogger. At one time I had a website of my own and I posted some rants, but never in a real blog format and not with any real regularity. This blog will be my baptism by fire and I hope you will bear with me as I learn the ropes.

Now that the disclaimers are out of the way, let me continue my inaugural post by thanking my host, Scott Stein. I have always been interested in writing, in sharing ideas with others and, as I mentioned earlier, had made a couple of attempts to share my rambling with the world. Scott came along and scooped me out of obscurity, giving me a place to post in a forum that is actually seen! The inclusion of several of my articles in his WFTC book was a real high point for me.

Thanks, Scott.

Harley Davidson’s Latest Ad Blitz

The Harley Davidson Motor Company recently launched a new ad campaign that is generating buzz around the country, both positive and negative.

One advertising blog touts Harley’s efforts to “build genuine relationships with their customers” while another ad blog derides the company, calling it “massively out of touch”. Yet another blog even says the new campaign “Challenges Prophets of Economic Doom”

The campaign is targeted at the young crowd and encourages the 20-somethings to ignore the current economic situation and purchase an often outrageously overpriced motorcycle, outfit it with the latest, definitely overpriced, chrome do-dads, and “Screw it, just ride.” [Read more →]

Tags: money, trusted media & news
21 Comments »

August 23, 2006

I dream I park in the lot of an auto supply store in Bucks County. They have arcane parking rules, but I make sure to follow them. Days later, however, I get a ticket in the mail and I am furious. I go back to the dealership and demand to talk to the parking manager. They are laughing and having a good time because they know they have arcane parking rules and they intend to screw people. Nobody wants to talk to me so I take off all my clothes, even my underpants, [Read more →]

Tags: Fred's dreams, creative writing
1 Comment »

Dear Readers,

This is my letter to the editor of the Atlantic, regarding the article that was written by one Professor X, titled “In the Basement of the Ivory Tower.” My interpretation/summary: the author believes that not everyone is equipped, or worthy of pursuing a college education. And it’s America’s fault; it’s the higher education system’s fault. It’s everyone’s fault, except his. Poor, poor, tortured adjunct pseudo-intellectual, who tries so hard to lift heathen souls out of the abyss…what a gift you bestow on the wretched by gracing them with your presence in the classroom.

In any case, the article has caused quite a stir, and if I had my way, I would stir the brains of Professor X with an asp — a metaphorical one, of course.

[Read more →]

Tags: books & writing, education
5 Comments »

As soon as you say or write, “It goes without saying,” it no longer does.

“It goes without saying that Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player ever.”

It did, until you said it.

It would make more sense to say or write, “It should go without saying that Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player ever.” He’s so good, we shouldn’t have to say that he’s the greatest ever — everyone should already know it. It should go without saying. But once we say it, it no longer does.

It goes without saying — that is, it should go without saying — that “needless to say” doesn’t make much sense, either. If it’s really needless to say it, why are you telling me?

Tags: language & grammar
3 Comments »