Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten surprises in Michael Wolff’s book Fire and Fury

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10. Donald Trump is deathly afraid of sharks, except for great white sharks, because they’re great, and they’re white

9. Trump’s hair is made entirely of cotton candy

8. According to Stormy Daniels, Donald suffers from a severe case of small cox

7. Trump is so deep in the pocket of Big Business, he eats more lint than cheeseburgers

6. Once a week, Trump has to update Putin on how Putin’s investment is doing

5. Trump once asked how much it would cost to put a mirror on the ceiling of his White House bedroom, where he sleeps alone

4. Trump thinks a plutocracy is ‘a government run by a yellow-orange dog with black ears’

3. Unless you’re a member of the Third Reich, Donald Trump is, in fact, not “the least bigoted person you’ve even met”

2. Once, by accident, Trump told the truth

1. Donald once tried that ‘Bottomless Popcorn Tub’ trick on Ivanka
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

bad sports, good sportssports

Pereira comments on “Philly Special” a total waste of time

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Hi everyone. I will freely admit that I am easily annoyed. It’s part of my charm, I guess. If I were never annoyed, I would have a lot fewer opportunities to be indignant, and that would be no fun. Fortunately, I rarely have to search for things to get under my skin, as the sheer volume of media outlets and the blink-of-an-eye news cycle has created an environment where content is so in demand that it really does not matter if the content has any merit whatsoever.

Over the last day or so, I have repeatedly come across this story about a supposed illegal formation penalty that should have been called on the Philadelphia Eagles during the now-famous “Philly Special”play that produced a touchdown at the end of the first half of Super Bowl LII last week. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingliving poetry

Top ten favorite lines for a Valentine’s Day poem

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10. This immigration nightmare still drags on.

9. I’m aching for it finally to be through.

8. I’m yearning for this waiting to be gone.

7. I’m champing at the bit to be with you.

6. To feel the soft embracing of your arms.

5. To sense your heartbeat synchronize with mine.

4. To melt with you, in no uncertain terms.

3. To see your eyes, and marvel how they shine!

2. I hope and pray that we’ll soon reunite,

1. And salvage daylight from this endless night!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

sportsvirtual children by Scott Warnock

Late-night celebration on Broad Street

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The Eagles beat the Patriots to win the Super Bowl! I was, like many area folks, standing stunned at the end, but my plans were in place: I had already decided we were driving immediately into downtown Philly. I knew it was going to be a celebration like no other at City Hall. And my boys, football fans though they ain’t, were going with me! [Read more →]

ends & oddhealth & medical

Floating into 2018

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I think people are afraid to ask me about the cancer these days. That’s kind of funny when you think about how forward and open I have been with all of this. To be fair, though, I suppose it’s possible that they are waiting for a blog explanation? Looking for me to fill in the blanks? I may need to fill them in for myself, as well.

I think that there is usually some kind of grand announcement. Patients get a PET scan or MRI and then a doctor pronounces them NED– no evidence of disease. That hasn’t happened for me. It’s been a little more foggy, so I’m clearing it up for myself. It’s probably time I dragged you into the clearing.

After my surgery in April I was told that my surgeon got clear margins, meaning that as far as anyone can tell she cut out all of the cancer. We (James and I, upon meeting the oncologist and resident) were told that we were “talking about being cured” and that I was “basically cancer free.” Now, the surgeon had already recommended radiation therapy, but that is usually done later (or in place of chemo, like with a lumpectomy). I knew I didn’t want radiation. If my surgeon hadn’t taken so many lymph nodes– like, all of them– then I might have been more interested. However, the lymphedema risks with radiation, along with the cardiac risks associated with radiation, outweighed the added benefit for me. But, back to the wishy washy oncologists who never used the term NED. They strongly recommended chemo to lower the risk of recurrence. Statistically speaking, it does this for many people. I had a previous oncologist do a test on my first biopsy tissue called a Mammaprint. It showed me at a higher risk for recurrence and recommended chemo. Have I mentioned all of this before? Anyway, I never wanted chemo but obviously I did the chemo. Still no one handed me a NED card.

Now, I’ve been working with an integrative oncologist in Az, right? He has done some blood tests. We did cancer antigen tests before surgery (elevated), after surgery (normal), and last week (normal). We also did something called a Biocept test. That test came back at 0. Goose egg. No circulating tumor cells. Still no NED card or announcement.

Here’s the problem: that pesky little thyroid nodule. Technically, it’s cancer. But, it isn’t doing anything. It’s just sitting there. As a matter of fact, it shrank a smidge, even though chemo has no effect on papillary thyroid cancers. I’m basically working at willing it to vanish. The surgeon who wants to take it out is checking on it every four months. Meanwhile, after I went vegetarian all of my thyroid numbers normalized. On paper, my thyroid is healthy. Just don’t look at the ultrasound. lol

So, I’m like 99% NED.

I’ll have another thyroid ultrasound in March. I had a clear mammogram on the remaining breast in December. I’ll have an MRI in April.

They took out my port, which was HELL. I continue my quest to educate the medical community regarding the fact that natural redheads need more local anesthetic. They continue to torture me, only coming round to my side of things (and reading the fucking studies) AFTER they have tortured me. The port removal left a sizable scar. I wish that I had thought to ask them to make me a lightening bolt shaped scar, because sometimes it aches, and I’d like to tell my children that it hurts because Voldemort is nearby. Also, he knows you didn’t do your homework. He’s not happy.

I have not had any reconstruction. I would very much like some of that. However, we got some new insurance this year. Turns out it’s awful and none of our doctors (not a single doctor at Moffitt) are in network. So, I’m plastic surgeon shopping again. I want something called a DIEP, because I don’t want implants and I just want to do this once. Not everyone does it. It’s a difficult surgery, you want someone who does it on the regular. It’s a six week recovery time kind of thing. Maybe later in the year.

My OBGYN wants to perform an oophorectomy— I like saying that word out loud– and I just might let him. It lowers my risk of recurrence about the same amount as taking Tamoxifen, which I am not taking because of side effects and also because I have a genetic mutation that raises my risk of blood clots. I have an appointment to discuss this with him further in June. In March I have an appointment with a Naturopath OBGYN to discuss with her first. I generally find that the naturopath md’s are more honest with me about risks and side effects.

My eyebrows are back. One of them is predominantly grey. My eyelashes are nearly back. Not quite as long as usual yet. My hair looks like I cut it this way on purpose, sort of. It came back very grey and very curly, so, ugh to that. I have colored it and am having a hard time getting to a shade like my natural color. So, no, chemo won’t give you bright red hair. Don’t try it. On a happy note, my pubes came back their regular lovely shade of strawberry blonde. Maybe you were curious, but afraid to ask. Now you know.

I mostly feel ok. I get tired easily. Some days I just don’t have any energy. Some days I can really get a lot done. I take a lot of breaks. I take a ton of supplements, still. They help. I know this because I’m out of two of them and waiting for them to arrive. I’m told that it could take me a year to feel like my old self. My good days are pretty freaking good, though, and my bad days will never be as bad as last year’s bad days.

I think that should take care of most people’s questions. I feel cancer-free. Sorry if I posted links that I’ve posted before. It’s just easier than going into long explanations. I mean, you’d rather read about my pubes, right?27544828_10216001534575055_3959130468344798232_n

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingsports

Top ten rejected Winter Olympic events

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10. The Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell Doubles Luge

9. Snowplowing

8. Russian Doping

7. Bottomless Ski Jump

6. Icicle Toss

5. Nordic Hot Tubbing

4. Ice Hockey Free-For-All

3. Uphill Speed Skiing

2. Synchronized Curling

1. The North-South Korean Demilitarized Zone 100-Meter Sprint
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

environment & naturereligion & philosophy

I am PCUSA … and PRO-Fossil Fuel … Pt. 1

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• Part 1 of my argument AGAINST blanket divestment

As the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church USA meets in St. Louis this year and considers demands for an immediate and total, blanket divestment of the denomination’s investment funds from “fossil fuel producers,” I have to ask … is blanket divestment the answer? Shouldn’t we, instead, consider reinvestment of those funds into responsible – even moral – fossil fuel producers?
[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmusic

Top ten things overheard at last night’s Grammys

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10. “Welcome to the 60th Annual Grammys! Our first guest is Lady Gaga – Welcome! And I understand you haven’t met our second guest, the Goo Goo Dolls – Let me introduce you: Gaga, Goo Goo!…Goo Goo, Gaga!”

9. “And have either of you met our next two guests: Kajagoogoo and The Go-Go’s?”

8. “Yes, I’m Vanilla Ice. Now can I show you to your seat?”

7. “Whenever I hear a station that’s all Auto-Tune, I think to myself, ‘I oughto tune to a different station.”

6. “Who was that playing Hillary Clinton?”

5. “Does Seth MacFarlane’s album include that We Saw Your Boobs song from the Oscars?”

4. “I thought Best Comedy Album would go to one of Trump’s speeches.”

3. “I liked Despacito okay, but their English is lousy; I didn’t understand a word!.”

2. “In what month is thing scheduled to end?”

1 “I was hoping, as a joke, Sting would say, “And the Album of the Year goes to…La La Land!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

virtual children by Scott Warnock

50

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We all have our defining aspects, and my birthday is near the tops for me. Everybody might say their birthday defines them in some way, but, for me, it’s not the birthday itself — it’s when it falls. I don’t mean in terms of astrological destiny, as I don’t believe in a lick of that. December 21st. Right before Christmas. Shortest day of the year. When winter break normally starts. The advent of flu season. Yes, my birthday has made me critic, cynic, aw, who are we fooling?: It’s enabled me to be a big, giant complainer. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question, “How cold is it?”

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10. It’s so cold, I saw a line of chickens outside a KFC, waiting for their turn in the deep fryer

9. It’s so cold that I almost want to go to Florida

8. It’s so cold, Starbucks is serving coffee on a stick

7. It’s so cold, the Blue Man Group turned Caucasian-colored

6. It’s so cold that even my balls went inside to get warm

5. It’s so cold, it’s almost as cold as a Koch Brother’s heart — assuming they have one between them

4. It’s so cold, aquariums no longer really need the glass

3. It’s so cold, even your farts have a wind chill factor – it’s fifteen degrees out, but it smells like nine

2. It’s so cold, my aunt slipped on some ice and accidently keyed someone’s Mercedes with her nipple!

1. It’s so cold, Donald Trump is having hookers pee on him just for the warmth!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten pun-liners: The sequel to the sequel

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10. When I popped into the bar and tried to open a ‘Transvestite Account,’ the first thing they did was ask me to provide proof of a dress.

9. The people who talked about me behind my back discussed me.

8. My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-cube factory next door, and now the company’s gone into liquidation.

7. When vandals destroyed all the road signs in our town, they really pulled out all the stops!

6. I think the highlight of my life must’ve been reaching the summit on Mount Everest, because it’s all been downhill from there.

5. I entered a swimming contest and won the 100-meter butterfly – but what the hell am I supposed to do with an insect that big?!

4. My hamster died from lack of exercise, so I don’t think he had the wheel to live.

3. Ahhhh, return flights, they really take me back.

2. Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.

1. I miss my umbilical cord, because I grew attached to it.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

environment & naturerecipes & food

Goin’ nuts in Texas

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I’m going totally nuts in Texas … and I’m not alone.

It has nothing to do with the company I’m keeping, though there are those who would question the general level of sanity among  us here in the Lone Star State. No … in this case, it’s all about the nuts themselves … and not just any old nut, either.
[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten pun-liners: The sequel

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10. When I asked the stewardess, “Can you telephone from this plane?” she answered, “Sure, this plane is gigantic and has wings!”

9. A customer was rude to me at the McDonald’s where I work, and I got back at him by not putting any Coke in his drink – so just ice was served!

8. After the psychic midget escaped from jail, the headline read “Small Medium At Large”

7. I was taught how to get on an airplane at boarding school.

6. Pilots look up to astronauts as farther figures.

5. I bought a replica fisherman’s knife, made to scale.

4. Ever since I started using volumizer on my hair, the voices in my head have been a lot louder.

3. Yesterday we wanted to eat Italian, but this enormous woman was standing in the restaurant doorway and we couldn’t get pasta.

2. When the clock factory burned down, there was a lot of second-hand smoke.

1. Terrorists have been hiding bombs in cans of alphabet soup and, if one goes off, it could spell disaster.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

announcementshealth & medical

Slipping Back Into an Old Habit

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I know, I know … this is that time of year for resolutions, for goals, for breaking away from habits and all.  But for me, this time around, it’s a time to slip BACK into an old habit I once had.
[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

My top ten new year’s resolutions

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10. I resolve to lose just enough weight so my gut doesn’t jiggle when I brush my teeth

9. I resolve to stop drinking, the moment I pass out or all the booze is gone

8. I resolve to finally find Waldo

7. I resolve to keep my ambitions within reach

6. I resolve to solve world hunger

5. I resolve to email back that Nigerian prince who keeps trying to contact me

4. I resolve to buy a t-shirt that says “LIFE” on it, then stand on a street corner and hand out lemons to passersby

3. I resolve to drive by my gym at least three times a week

2. I resolve to keep all my resolutions to myself this year

1. I resolve to limit my number of resolutions to nine
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

religion & philosophytelevision

A Christmas tradition, of sorts …

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Even in the days of DVDs, when I could watch A Charlie Brown Christmas easily and inexpensively, whenever I wanted, I would still wait for the Christmas season to come around, so I could watch the broadcast, just as I did the first time it aired … and have done every Christmas season since then.

Well … at least until the last couple of years, when broadcasters made additional cuts to the original program. Made me glad I bought the DVD a while back … I still wait for the Christmas season to come around … I just watch it via a new medium.
[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

This year’s top ten most dangerous Christmas toys

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10. Black & Decker Silly Driller

9. Gasp! – The Saran Wrap Game

8. Hello Kitty Tiki Torches

7. Fontanelle Lawn Darts

6. Hospital Waste Grab Bag

5. The Alt-Right Indoctrination Kit

4. Fisher-Price Choking Hazard

3. Jihad! – The Self-Detonation Game

2. Easy Bake Microwave

1. Baby’s First Nail Gun
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythinghis & hers

Top ten sex one-liners

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10. Women fake orgasms to have relationships, and men fake relationships to have orgasms.

9. My grandma told me that, when she was younger, she had to beat men off with a stick – so I guess sex was pretty kinky back then.

8. I’ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but I’ve woken up with a few.

7. I’ve just bought myself a sex doll, but I’m not going to use it for a couple days, because I don’t want to seem desperate.

6. Have you ever heard your neighbors having sex and thought to yourself, “Man, if they knew I was under their bed…”?

5. My wife was shocked when she found out I’d switched her vibrator with a taser.

4. My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday, so I guess they misunderstood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”

3. My wife laughed at me when I slipped on a banana peel but, in my defense, I was completely out of condoms.

2. Some people say the guy in my apartment complex who keeps having sex with fruit isn’t so weird, but I think he’s fucking bananas!

1. I organized a threesome last night and, despite a couple no-shows, I still had a great time.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

sportsvirtual children by Scott Warnock

Another parable about staying off your young athlete’s back

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I have been coaching Palmyra Junior Wrestling for 13 years, ten of those as head coach. I do it because I love it, but make no mistake, volunteer or not, it’s a part-time job. Some weeks I put in about 25 hours, and my total time commitment must be over 3,000 hours. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtravel & foreign lands

Top ten suggested wedding gifts for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

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10. Season tickets to all the home games of the Kansas City Royals

9. A box set of Prince CDs

8. An American–English dictionary

7. An athletic cup to protect the crown jewels

6. A nightie from Queen Victoria’s Secret

5. A gift certificate to Scepters R Us

4. The illusion that the Royal Family still wields some power

3. Something to read on the throne

2. A DVD copy of the 1957 Laurence Olivier–Marilyn Monroe film The Prince and the Showgirl

1. The entire United States, to be accepted on behalf of Harry’s family — we’ll even pay that stupid Tea Tax! — but only if Harry will accept it immediately, before it’s too late!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.