Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingtravel & foreign lands

Top ten signs your lifeguard is nuts

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10. He won’t give you mouth-to-mouth unless he takes you to dinner first

9. He’s declared himself “King of the Ocean” and sits atop his lifeguard tower wearing an ermine-lined cloak and holding a scepter

8. He has a tendency to throw drowning people the wrong kind of Life Saver, and prefers peppermint

7. Instead of rubbing sunblock on his nose, he uses vanilla pudding

6. He prefers sitting with his back to the ocean

5. He’ll only use his defibrillator to heat his tacos

4. He’s dating his CPR dummy

3. He’s wearing a lifeguard whistle. Period.

2. Whenever someone is drowning, he tries to run towards them in slow motion, because that’s how they run on Baywatch

1. He likes to be buried in the sand up to his neck…headfirst
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

books & writing

Added to my e-bookshelf … Tesseracts Eighteen: Wrestling With Gods

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Don’t let the title of Wrestling with Gods, a collection of short stories and poems assemble by Liana Kerzner and Jerome Stueart, fool you. It DOES provide an overlying theme for this latest installment of the Tesseracts series … but it provides only a hint of what the reader will find inside. [Read more →]

educationvirtual children by Scott Warnock

NJ Board of Ed blows it on PARCC test

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Can you dunk a basketball? If not, you are below expectations, because my expectation is that you should be able to. I don’t care if you’re short or are a great soccer player. I don’t care that there aren’t b-ball hoops in your neighborhood. You better find a dunking-specific coach and get to work. And so we have the PARCC test and its mysterious expectations. Yet the New Jersey State Board of Education still recently voted 6-0-1 to make PARCC a graduation requirement by 2020. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Donald Trump nicknames

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10. Tronald Dump

9. Hair Hitler

8. Trumpageddon

7. OranguTAN

6. Darth Hater

5. Our Future Impeached President

4. Der Furor

3. Doll Hands

2. Forrest Trump

1. The Assassination Inciter
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten excuses of Kenneth Crowder, a 41-year-old Melbourne, Florida man arrested for having sex with a tree

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10. “She has the loveliest limbs I’ve ever seen.”

9. “I just felt like being knotty.”

8. “I’ve always had sex with women before, and I thought I’d branch out.”

7. “I myself am a son of a birch.”

6. “Her body is gnarly, man!”

5. “When it comes to romance, I’m a real sap.”

4. “I pine for her every day.”

3. “I’ve asked her to marry me again and again; every year she gets another ring.”

2. “One touch from her and I’m sporting wood.”

1. “Beggars can’t be choosers – though actually I’d prefer a trimmed bush.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

educationvirtual children by Scott Warnock

Blast from the past: Talking about Trump U — a decade ago

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It’s summer, and I’m just back from vacation and scraping off some rust. In the spirit of summer reruns (who’s reading now anyway?), I wanted to re”publish” an old piece this week. Observing some activities of late on the political front, I remembered an article I wrote a decade ago that I think works well for my throwback purposes, or at least provides relevant context for my effort to get around writerly laziness. So, here, reprinted in full, is an August 2006 piece from Academic Exchange Extra about Trump University. (Note: This runs long and even comes with citations. Note: It’s not political.)

Could Trump U Help E-learning Advocates?

[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingsports

Top ten events rejected for this week’s Summer Olympics in Rio

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10. Sewer Diving

9. Urban Shooting

8. Javelin Catching

7. Defensive Archery

6. Scum Sailing

5. Hockeying a Loogie

4. Zika Dodging

3. Topless Beach Volleyball

2. Pokémon Go Roundup

1. Synchronized Sludge
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question “How hot is it?”

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10. “It’s so hot, Siri suggested I drop my cell phone in a glass of iced tea.”

9. “It’s so hot, my water buffalo evaporated.”

8. “It’s so hot, Jehovah’s Witnesses have decided to give telemarketing a try.”

7. “It’s so hot, the Campbell Soup Company is changing its directions to ‘Open, pour, and enjoy!’”

6. “It’s so hot, a Republican actually broke down and admitted Global Warming is real.”

5. “It’s so hot, instead of bread, stores are only selling toast.”

4. “It’s so hot, Hillary Clinton will continue campaigning in her pantsuit…without the pants.”

3. “It’s so hot, in Colorado, Washington, Alaska and Oregon, joints are lighting themselves.”

2. “It’s so hot, I ran into a burning building, just to cool off.”

1. “It’s so hot, Melania Trump actually appreciated the cool reception her plagiarized speech got.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

books & writing

Added to my e-bookshelf … Railroad Rising: The Black Powder Rebellion

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I am told J.P. Wagner covered a lot of ground and a lot of topics in the course of his career as a journalist. Having ‘been there, done that’ myself, I suspect it left him with an appreciation for a broad range of interests.

That certainly appears to be the case in his first published novel, Railroad Rising: The Black Powder Rebellion. Fantasy, action and adventure, swords and sorcery? Check, check, check. Steampunk, royal court intrigue, love story? Check them all off as well. [Read more →]

art & entertainment

Garry Marshall was the most avant-garde filmmaker ever

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The late Garry Marshall largely defined the sitcom (his creations include The Odd Couple, Happy Days, Mork & MindyLaverne & Shirley, and, er, Joanie Loves Chachi). Then, as was the fashion at the time, he graduated from the small screen to the big one and he made a series of films with premises that can only be described as deeply creepy… yet he directed them with a sitcom touch.

Indeed, he directed them with more of a sitcom touch than his own sitcoms usually displayed. (The Odd Couple in particular is timeless.) A number of his films involved the sexual exploitation of women — seriously, wait until you see the films — yet he refused to make downers.

Indeed, while he usually included a tear-jerking scene or two, these films were meant to be feel-good hits and, against all odds, some of them indeed were.

I present highlights of the filmography of Garry Marshall, who effortlessly distorted genres in a way Todd Solondz can only imagine.

(NOTE: These are the actual plots of Marshall’s actual movies. Really.)

[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingpolitics & government

Top ten Donald Trump jokes

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10. “I think Donald Trump has said he’s qualified to be President because of his business record. A few days ago, he said, and I quote, ‘I’m going to do for the country what I did for my business.’ So let’s take a look at what he did for his business. He’s written a lot of books about business; they all seem to end at Chapter 11.” — Hillary Clinton

9. “Republicans are blaming President Obama for creating Donald Trump. While others say he was created in a lab when a young real estate developer was bitten by a radioactive douchebag.” — Conan O’Brien

8. “Nearly 70 percent of Americans said a Trump presidency would make them ‘anxious.’ And 30 percent said a Trump presidency would make them ‘Canadian.’” — Conan O’Brien

7. “Donald Trump is America’s back mole. It may have seemed harmless a year ago, but now that it’s become frighteningly bigger, it’s no longer wise to ignore it.” — John Oliver

6. “In a prepared speech last night, Donald Trump told supporters he is going to ‘take care of our African-American people’ – though I don’t think he should have added ‘once and for all.’” — Seth Meyers

5. “At a rally over the weekend, Donald Trump was surrounded by Secret Service agents after a man tried to rush the stage. The Secret Service said the man was dangerous and disturbed, but they had to protect him anyway. Proving once and for all, the best way to keep everyone safe and sound is to build a wall around Donald Trump.” — Jimmy Fallon

4. “In an interview this morning, Donald Trump said mosques need to be ‘watched and studied’ because he believes they may spread hateful views. In related news, Donald Trump needs to be watched and studied.” — Seth Meyers

3. “Bernie Sanders picked up his fourth union endorsement this week from the Amalgamated Transit Union. Meanwhile, Donald Trump has yet to pick up any union endorsements, but does have several from The Confederacy.” — Seth Meyers

2. “A protester had to be escorted out of a Donald Trump rally last night for yelling, ‘Trump’s a racist.’ The protester was removed because the Trump campaign has that phrase copyrighted.” — Seth Meyers

1. “I’m voting for Hillary, because better the devil you know…than the Actual Devil!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

musicvirtual children by Scott Warnock

So Zeppelin won

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So Zeppelin won. A jury found that the group did not copy the chords in “Stairway to Heaven” from the band Spirit’s song “Taurus.” [Read more →]

books & writingrace & culture

Added to my e-bookshelf … Living History: On the Front Lines for Israel and the Jews

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WARNING: Reading Phyllis Chesler’s book “Living History: On the Front Lines for Israel and the Jews” may be hazardous to your sense of well-being. It could lead to increased levels of skepticism. This, in turn could lead to a variety of side-effects … a willingness on your part to question what we are told about the world around us, to make an extra effort to gain more information. You may even find yourself rejecting what ‘everybody knows and believes,’ in favor of a view that is more complicated, more detailed … and perhaps more truthful. [Read more →]

animalsBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Now that they’re making a beer for dogs, top ten brand names (not counting Air Budweiser)

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10. Crocked Spaniel

9. Spitz Schlitz

8. Bowser Boozer

7. Doberman Pilsner

6. Malt-ese

5. Pug Mug

4. Aledale

3. Coor-gi

2. Here’s Mutt In Your Eye

1. Shit-faced Shih Tzu
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

books & writing

Added to my e-bookshelf … “Dominions”

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Like many other Library Thing contributors, I found myself diving into Dominions, Volume 2 of the “Bladesmith” series without first having read Volume 1. In my case, that did not pose any problems with my enjoying this book … though it HAS left me wanting to go back and read Volume 1, as well as other books by James Hetley/Burton. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmovies

Top ten X-rated Fourth of July movies

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10. Sin Dependence Day

9. Drop Your Pants and Fire a Rocket!

8. Red, White, and Very Blue

7. Seventeen Seventy-Sex

6. Porn on the Fourth of July

5. Time for Some Fireworks!

4. There’s a Barbecue in My Pants

3. The British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!

2. The Fourth of Julie

1. Yank My Doodle! It’s A Dandy!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

books & writing

Added to my e-bookshelf … “Downtime”

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In her book “Downtime,” Cynthia Fleece offers us a love story and a science fiction story … maybe it’s the guy in me, but I wish there could have been a little more ‘science’ in the story. [Read more →]

virtual children by Scott Warnock

Graduations stink – admit it! – but could be better

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I probably shouldn’t say this because of my chosen path in life, which includes being a parent, educator, and school board member, but I hate graduation ceremonies, or as they are known in a doublespeak kind of way,  commencements. And you probably do too — admit it! [Read more →]

books & writing

(NOT) Added to my e-bookshelf … “The House of Fox”

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As I sit down to review S.J. Smith’s “The House of Fox,” I have in mind a line one hears in televised cooking competitions, where the judge has sampled a contestant’s offering and says something to the effect of ‘I admire your conception, but your execution left a lot to be desired.’

That’s exactly how I feel after finishing “The House of Fox.” [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingbooks & writing

Now that the NRA website includes a family section, with fairy tales rewritten to include firearms, top ten new NRA children’s books

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10. The Cat With The Gat

9. Duck Duck Goose…No Duck!!

8. Goodnight, Moon – Click, Click, BOOM!

7. Bazooka Joe

6. Charlie and the Munitions Factory

5. The Lion, the Witch, and the War Cannon

4. Where the Wild Things Were

3. Cloudy with a Chance of Shrapnel

2. One Fish Two Fish Dead Fish Stew Fish

1. The Wizard of Uzi
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.