World hand, my hand

Scott Warnock,

I’m fortunate to have two hands, and for a long time I’ve had a simple, straightforward policy for them: World hand, my hand.

My right hand (I’m right-handed) interacts with the world. Doorknobs. Train handrails. Fist bumping with you. Faucets.

My left hand is for me. Picking up sandwiches. Flicking a piece of lint from my eye. Rubbing my chin sagely. Eating Sno-Caps.

I’m not a germophobe, but at one point I took a look at the world around me, and it made easy sense that it was full of microscopic landmines. I realized it didn’t take a lot to avoid the majority of them.

This slipped out at work, if “slipping out” means that I told everyone about it. They all made fun of me.

With all of the CoVID-19 madness happening, I don’t feel triumphantly vindicated–how could I possibly?–but I do feel that I have been living in accordance with a smart policy.

Epidemiologically, of course, it’s not idiot proof. My hands do interact, such as when I clasp them together and raise them over my head upon receiving a major award, or when I wring them together upon learning of some sad event. And then there’s my keyboard touch pad, a filthy sea awash with interacting germs from the left and right sides of my world.

And we all know that things like sandwiches can themselves contain dirty microbial secrets.

But I think this policy has helped me reduce my exposure to bugs and germs. Right now this commonsense reduction and outright avoidance is more important than ever, so I wanted to share my policy with you.

I have tried to teach my children this policy. It strikes me that it might be one of the most important things I give them. At one time, I might have said that a bit more tongue-in-cheek than now.

Scott Warnock

Scott Warnock is a writer and teacher who lives in South Jersey. He is a professor of English at Drexel University, where he is also the Associate Dean of Undergraduate Education in the College of Arts and Sciences. Father of three and husband of one, Scott is president of a local high school education foundation and spent many years coaching youth sports.
ends & odd