I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:
Emperor’s Decree No. 4440: The way the Emperor sees it (i.e. the way you will also see it), those who twerk and those who enjoy the sight of twerking are sub-standard human beings. They are devoid of any hint of subtlety or of any inkling as to the meaning of true sensuality. The Empire can only be improved by their absence. The Emperor’s world is drowning in a flood of sexual literality and in-your-fasceness. Coquettish innuendo has given way to boring, ubiquitous, cookie-cutter shamelessness.
The Punishment: Twerkers and, if you will (let’s face it: even if you won’t), “twerkees,” will be gathered up by the Imperial Dance Police and taken to what we like to call the “Dungeon Twerk-off.” The judges: famished Imperial lions. After all, if people want to be seen as meat, why should we stop them?
Now, go forth and obey.
The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.
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Chris Matarazzo [4]
Latest posts by Chris Matarazzo (Posts [8])
- Book Review: An Encyclopedia of Tolkien [9] - October 14, 2019
- The Emperor decrees an end to positive comments about “selfies” [10] - June 16, 2015
- The Emperor decrees that graduation clichés will cease [11] - June 9, 2015
- The Emperor decrees that all official documents will be printed in Comic Sans [12] - March 24, 2015
- The Emperor decrees that the letter “E” shall no longer be spoken as an “A” [13] - February 10, 2015