Marty Digs: Chick-fil-A

I made the tragic error yesterday that I have made many times before this — I foolishly tried to go to Chick-fil-A on a Sunday. As you may or may not know (and if you don’t know, please remove yourself from under that rock and brush the dirt and ignorance off), Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays.

It is a practice started by the company founder S. Truett Cathy way back in the progressive 1940’s (around the same time it was OK for Catholic priests to touch boys, and I’m not a history guy, but probably around the same time women got the right to vote). He claims the decision is “as much practical as spiritual. And all employees should have an opportunity to rest, spend time with family and friends, and worship if they choose to do so.”  Well, Mr. Cathy, how does that help me? The compassion you have for your employees making $5.25 an hour working over a deep fryer full of sizzling peanut oil does not put nuggets in my stomach on a Sunday.  

I am sure there is some ambitious, over-zealous yuppie at Chick-Fil-A headquarters that is furious about this as well. I can just see him in a board meeting, blue tooth stuck in ear, swinging around his double mocha latte’, and arguing about how much potential profit is lost by being closed on Sundays.  Mr. Cathy is the 236th richest man in the United States, but surely he would bump up a few notches if they have one more day of operation per week. I bet this yuppie is rubbing his hands together in anticipation for the day this Bible thumping, caring, kind, gentle old man dies.  And when he does, who knows? Maybe God will be pissed off at him come Judgment Day. I can hear the word of God now  — “S. Truett, some of my greatest followers could have done more or served the world better had they only been able to enjoy a crispy chicken sandwich on the Sabbath. Shame on you my son!” Now wouldn’t this old man feel like a complete dick if that happened!

I have to say, it is definitely the most disheartening thing to pull up to a Chick-fil-A and see it closed. Back in the 80’s and 90’s, when they were really only in malls, it was always so depressing to see the shuttered, dark confines of the Chick-fil-A in the Food Court. And now that they have stand-alone stores, it is just as bad. And I never learn my lesson. I have probably forgotten about the rule and shown up to a Chick-fil-A more times than George Lopez uses the word Latino in his monologue. If you have seen the show, shame on you first off because it’s awful; second, you know that’s a hell of a lot of times. Mr. Lopez, I implore you — stop the knocking and self-deprecating joking about the ways of your people. Leave that stuff to the Irish; we are the professionals.

And to Mr. S. Truett Cathy, please open your stores up on Sunday. You are pissing off an entire nation of deep-fried-chicken-loving citizens and also possibly God!