Kids should be shot [1]. Measles/mumps/rubella (MMR) vaccine does not cause a reaction in children’s bowels that causes autism. What? Bowels? Somebody believed that? Somewhere Jenny McCarthy stamps her little foot and tosses her blond hair, and yet is still not a doctor.
Bigger kids should be wrapped in duct tape [2]. According to one study of 662 young urban middle-schoolers, a particular abstinence-only program may help them postpone sexual activity up to 12% more effectively than a comprehensive sex education program. That still leaves 582.56 non-procrastinators out there, but overall you must admit that postponing is good. Didn’t Britney Spears postpone for a while? No, wait . . .
My puberty can kick your program’s ass (or Postponing does not mean cancelling, people) [3]. Ryan Kendall, who undoubtedly had to postpone pretty hard and often while his loving Christian parents sent the 13-year old to every anti-homosexual reengineering program available, still stayed totally gay. “I knew I was gay, just like I knew I was short and half Hispanic,” said Kendall, a witness in the California Prop. 8 trial. In response, the U.S. military said that they’re pretty sure they could at least make him a liar.
Death is still worse than high mileage [4]. Toyota’s horrible, no good, very bad week made it clear that the revelation of “momentarily unresponsive” brakes did not effectively distract people from the problem of “sticky accelerators.” So much for our so-called short freaking attention spans.
“The principles of the secular society” . . . finally grew a pair [5]. Men who believe that women are inferior and should be fully veiled because seductive peeks at wristbones, earlobes and left nostrils make it impossible for them to control themselves . . . no, wait. Men who believe women are inferior and should be fully veiled because it’s then harder for them to run away when chased . . . hold on, this isn’t working. Well, what it boils down to is–men who believe women are inferior and should be fully veiled, CAN PISS OFF. At least in France.
- Author Bio [6]
- Latest Posts [7]
Ari McKee [8]
Latest posts by Ari McKee (Posts [9])
- 5 religious links that suck the fun out of holy week [10] - April 2, 2010
- 5 things I was hoping the Catholic Church would give up for Lent this year [11] - March 12, 2010
- Why the Irish are fookin’ brilliant [12] - February 19, 2010
- Five things officially true this week [13] - February 5, 2010
- Yeah, right [14] - January 28, 2010