I received a ton of feedback on last week’s blog [1] about music, your car and your kids. As a result, I thought I’d approach the topic from a different perspective. I am all about exposing my daughter to all kinds of music. I think music is instrumental in a child’s development. In fact, my friend Pam [2] (her website just went up so cut her some slack) just started her own business — she is going to be providing musical entertainment at children’s birthday parties. I was happy to hear about it because her approach is authentic. She’s not just coming in to distract your kids for an hour so you can bullshit with your friends. She’s coming in to actually teach them something about music — without them even knowing it. She believes that music inspires children and can be instrumental in their development. That’s what I’m talking about.
Anyway — enough about Pam.
I was at my sister-in-law’s house this past weekend hanging with our kids. My daughter is three, her son is three and her oldest daughter is 5. Her 5-year-old asked if I’d like to hear the song she performed at her camp concert. “Of course I would, let’s hear it.”
My kingdom for a rewind button on that moment.
She proceeded to sing the song “The Climb,” by Miley Cyrus [3]. I instantly threw up in my mouth so badly that my nose began to burn. Miley Cyrus? Seriously? That’s the best her camp could do? Gross.
My sister-in-law immediately came to her defense saying the lyrics to the song are actually very good and like it or not, that’s what the kids are listening to these days. Really? Are they? Five-year-olds are listening to this garbage? No. Someone’s playing it for them. Whether it’s the parents, older brothers and/or sisters –they’re only gaining access to it at this age if you are allowing it.
Look, I get it. These teeny bopper kids that the Disney [4] machine has continued to shit out are a force to be reckoned with. They are unstoppable. All I can do is try to keep my kid away from them for as long as possible. I know that she’ll reach an age where it doesn’t matter what I say or do — she’s going to listen to what she wants. I did. It’s inevitable. But at 5? No. I’m sorry. But no fucking way.
There is no valid argument for teaching 5-year-olds the lyrics to a song — I don’t care how “uplifting” it is — that is being sung by a 16 year old girl that just performed at a children’s awards show [5] wearing underwear and pole dancing on top of an ice cream cart. That is not ok. In fact, that’s appalling. It’s inappropriate and disturbing.
What the hell, Billy Ray Cyrus [6]? Where are you, man? Just because you had the most notorious mullet [7] in the history of mullets doesn’t mean you’re too cool to parent. Besides, now you’ve got this mid-life crisis type of blow out [8] that makes you look more like a Backstreet Boy [9] circa 1998. You’re a douche. Get over yourself, your hair and your dead career and start acting like a father. I don’t know a single parent that would allow their 16-year-old daughter to go out on a stage in front of millions of people and behave that way. It’s reprehensible and you should be ashamed of yourself… and your stupid hair. Seriously.
Going Parental appears every Thursday. Pam appears upon request, and Miley Cyrus appears daily despite all my best efforts.
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Jaclyn Roth [12]
Latest posts by Jaclyn Roth (Posts [13])
- The Jessie Books & National Coming Out Day [14] - October 11, 2011
- Parents, prepare to go parental: Doctor faked data linking autism to vaccines [15] - January 6, 2011
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- Going parental: Dad boards school bus and screams at bullies — terribly wrong or terribly right? [17] - September 22, 2010
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