Lauren Likes TV: Melrose Place bites off… Melrose Place

When I first heard about the new Melrose Place ^[1]… wait, let me rewind back a year. When I first heard about the new 90210 ^[2] last year, I partly rolled my eyes and partly got very excited. Finding out that The CW ^[3] was recreating the best show ever wasn’t the best news ever, but then I thought about the potential of a new OC-ish show entering my life with the possibility of cameos from the 90’s original cast and I began to change my mind. Excitement grew… and then the show started. As suspected, seeing Kelly Taylor, Erin “Silver” all grown up, and most importantly, Brenda Walsh, back on my small screen (but this time in High Def) made me feel like a fat kid who just found out where his mom hides the Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. But the feeling wore off quickly when I realized that that was going to be the only good part of that show (besides Aunt Becky). It’s horrible. I still watch it, though I’m not sure why and I am considering dropping it if it doesn’t reach the “it’s so bad it’s good” status this year, because it’s not even there yet, though Silver’s breakdown and last year’s finale steered it in that direction.

Fast-forward one year later… on the heels of the success (I use that term loosely) of 90210, The CW announced the revival of the popular Beverly Hills, 90210 90’s spin-off, Melrose Place. I only rolled my eyes this time. A new generation of 20-something’s living in an apartment complex in L.A. starring Ashley Simpson (I’m not even adding the Wentz to her name) is a bad idea. This is another disaster waiting to happen. And having the show without red-headed vixon Sydney Andrews is a worse idea. The producers probably realized this so they brought back Sydney Andrews (Laura Leighton) ^[4], the character who died in a car accident back in the 90’s (that should make for an interesting, outrageous storyline). Also coming back with Sydney are Jane ^[5], Michael ^[6] and Jo ^[7] which is great because that’s what most are looking forward to, but leads me to the point of this whole rant… unoriginality. Now obviously, it’s not supposed to be too original… I mean it’s still called Melrose Place (though I’m surprised they didn’t drop the ‘Place’ and just call it ‘Melrose’, as they did with 90210)… same show, new millennium. But first they bring back four original cast members… and then I saw this:

^[8]

New billboards promoting the show. What? I was furious. How dare they? For those of you who were fans of the original show, you should be angered as well. When Heather Locklear ^[9] joined the cast of Melrose in season 2 to play evil Amanda Woodward, ratings skyrocketed. Even at the young age of 15, I knew that Amanda was the bitchiest bitch of all bitches to ever grace primetime television and was a force to be reckoned with. Heather single-handedly made that show successful so when Fox decided to move the show to Monday the following season, they created these billboards:

^[10]

Brilliant. I couldn’t wait for Melrose to air on Mondays. Everyone was excited to see that bitch Amanda back in action any day of the week, let alone Monday, the day of dread… true even today. The ad made perfect sense. Tuesdays aren’t nearly as much of a bitch as Mondays are. And Heather had earned that billboard. That blonde, Heidi Montag look-alike did not. We don’t even know her, the two sluts behind her, or any of the characters on the show for that matter so for The CW to bite off the original advertisements for the show pisses me off. Normally, I would think that was a great ad, but knowing what I know, I hate it and I hope you do too. Ironically, Heather Locklear turned down the opportunity to reprise her role this fall ^[11].

The CW did not only create that ad, there are others:

^[12]

Ew. Anyone who uses the word “hump” as a suggestion of sexual acts is gross. I know where they were going with it, but still. Strike 2. And lastly, there is this:

^[13]

OK fine… this one I like. They’re not out yet. And no, I’m not mad enough to not watch at all… I’ll give it the usual 3 and out. But I’m going in with a chip on my shoulder.

It’s no surprise that The CW is remaking Melrose Place. Of course they are, we all saw it coming. Only we all wish it was Party of Five.

Melrose Place premiere’s on Tuesday, September 8th on The CW.