Lauren likes TV: Viva Wes and Laurel

On last night’s Bachelorette, Jillian made the decision to not spend the night with the guys she really has a connection with, which was very unslutty of her. Good for her. However, that line of mierda went to mierda once she invited Ed back to the suite for some horizontal flamenco. One-on-ones in Spain:

Kiptyn

Jillian keeps referring to the incredible chemistry she has with Kiptyn. That’s because he’s hot, Jill. However, his hotness barely makes up for his dullness. He may have a 12-pack, but there’s not one funny bone in his body. Where is this energy she speaks of? You don’t have to give her a ring, but since she’s obviously smitten with you, can you give us viewers some personality? You’re a snoozzzzzzzzzzze.

Reid

It takes a long time for you to fall in love… we get it. But hello, Reid, that’s normal. Maybe this isn’t the show for you. You can’t force yourself to fall in love no matter how hard you try and if for some reason you do convince yourself, you’re in trouble. Like Kiptyn, if you don’t want to propose after 6 weeks it’s understandable, but stop blabbering about it. You have something Kiptyn doesn’t have and that’s funniness. You’re goofy, you’re sweet and she likes you. Don’t ruin it by rambling on about your fear of commitment. You may have a hard time talking about your feelings, but you don’t have a hard time talking.

Ed

Kissing in the fountain? What was that about? Kissing by the fountain wouldn’t have been good enough? First you leave and now she’s gotta move to Chicago for you? So you can keep the career you left her for the first time around? Considering you bailed there, would you consider going to Vancouver? And you got to go to the fantasy suite for an overnighter? Am I the only one lost? And why is it that I like Ed a lot?

Wes

Hate to break it to you Wes, but you’re in Spain, not Mexico. I’m willing to bet my life that he ordered a black bean burrito at his first meal. His act is terrible. Jillian finally somewhat called you out on your crap, in a dumb naive way. What I got from that whole debacle was that you purposely said the word girlfriend so you could get back to Texas and kick off your career. If your singing is anything like your acting, you’re gonna be one sorry buckaroo.

The Rose Ceremony

“I’ll be back at home having lots of sex.” Adios you redneck loser. You’ll be doing nothing more than playing with your band and your dog at some sawdust bar drinking Colt 45 ^[1] and Moonshine ^[2]. Cling cling cling cling…

Ed’s got this in the bag.