Lauren likes TV: What?! No cocktail party?!

Now that was a first… no cocktails. No party. A monumental moment in Bachelorette history. Here’s how we got to that point:

First, the one on one with Kiptyn. I thought there was some real chemistry there. I could’ve done without the kayak “race” but when they got to the market and back to the apartment, they were cute. However I also kept thinking, he’s so much cuter than her. I know, I’m mean. Before he could walk out on her for receiving the worst kiss of his life, Jillian wisely gave him the rose… on to the group date.

This was a way better group date than that retarded acting deal. I learned what curling was. I also learned that Michael, aka Ozone ^[1], is kinda sweet and not just a bag of annoying jokes. He looked adorable as he cuddled Jillian and wished he could sweep her away for a hot chocolate. Unfortunately for Ozone, the red team won so no date later.

David is such a douche bag. He cursed up a storm and talked about her ass. Then he proceeded to tell her that the only reason he went in for a kiss is because everyone else had kissed her. So basically, he called her a slut. Is that someone you’d want to be with, let alone kiss? He’s a moron with a meaty head. 

Then along came the two on one. Quick question… who the hell is Mark? I’ve never seen him before. The dude took the backseat too… he gets an F for effort. Was there really a decision to make? No! There wasn’t! She must’ve had zero feelings for Mike because Mark is totally aloof and definitely doesn’t care. 

Then came the bomb. After watching Wes romance Jillian again, the men had had it. It was time to tell Jillian that someone, meaning Wes, has a girlfriend back home. Twinkle Toes figured he would do it because he wasn’t there to make friends. He should’ve told her while giving her a pedi… maybe she wouldn’t have taken it so hard. Instead, she burst into tears and cancelled… I repeat, cancelled the cocktail party. Then she lined them up and called them out on it. When no one fessed up, she took it upon herself to go with her gut and eliminate Meathead and Juanita. Meathead, good luck finding anyone to love you. Juanita, good luck finding your husband. 

Top 3 suitors: Kiptyn (for obvious reasons), Jesse (because he finally stepped it up), and Wes (because she can’t see through him, though that might change next week).