I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:
Emperor’s Decree No. 3/334-z: Ginger. Ginger is a root. It is used for giving food that naughty tinge or earthy deliciousness. In some dictionaries, maybe around the third definition, if you’re lucky, it can be a color. But it is not a noun when referring to anything other than the spice. One is not “a ginger.” One might go so far as to say one has “ginger” hair. (It’s pretentious, but allowable.) Under no circumstances, whatever, however, will it be permissible, in the Empire, to refer to one’s self (or anyone else) as “a ginger.” It’s trendy and it is annoying and the Emperor will have no more of it. Thou art a red-head. Own it or suffer the consequences.
The Punishment: Anyone heard using the word “ginger” as a noun to describe him or herself (or his or her brethren), will be ground into power, sprinkled onto human-shaped cookies, and fed (by Fofo, the Angry Red-Headed Clown [of "Finkle and Finkle's Jolly Nightmare Circus"]) to the Imperial Tiger, Lars.
The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.