Entries Tagged as 'animals'
Is the Lobster Zone disturbing?
I’ve read David Foster Wallace’s essay “Consider the Lobster” in the book of the same name
But carnivore or otherwise, and maybe for reasons that are not clear to me, there is something disturbing about the Lobster Zone game (pictured below) at Benny the Bums, a little seafood joint in Northeast Philadelphia. [Read more →]
Raising the bar on groin shots
This week I am devoting my column to one amazing clip I saw from an upcoming movie. Please allow me to explain. Now that I am a dad, I am soon going to be suffering through movies made for kids. And everyone knows the formula to a great kid’s movie- talking animals, dancing animals, sunglass-wearing animals, groin shots, and fart scenes. This clip takes the beloved, always funny, always painful, and always crowd pleasing shot to the groin to a whole new level. [Read more →]
Wild horses vs. Mick Jagger
On Facebook, Olga Gardner Galvin recently asked the all-important question, “Why do people insist on writing songs about wild horses? What the hell do we know about wild horses anyway? Has anyone here ever seen one?”
She then noted some lyrics:
“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away” — The Rolling Stones
“Who’s gonna ride your wild horses?” — U2
“All the wild horses / Tethered with tears in their eyes” — Ray Lamontagne
“Wild horses could not drag me away from you” — Gino Vanelli (whoever he is, he’s an original [expletive])
“Wild horses keep draggin’ me away” — Garth Brooks (at least they succeed here where the Stones’ and Vanelli’s wild horses failed)
Aside from the tired, lazy, copycat songwriting (one song has a bit about wild horses and then in subsequent years everyone has to write about wild horses any time they want to indicate how strong their love is), there are some logical problems here. [Read more →]
Top ten horses least likely to win the Kentucky Derby
10. Lethargy
9. Yugo
8. Kirstie Alley
7. Elmer’s Extra Sticky
6. Cat Napper
5. One Horse of the Apocalypse
4. Tripod
3. My Little Pony
2. Lackadaisical
1. Snowball in Hell
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Future headline: Cat facing charges in vicious attack
A cat known as Miley Cyrus has been charged with violating Switzerland’s animal abuse and cruelty ordinance. The cat is alleged to have committed acts of aggression against another cat, Ms. Cyrus’s companion, known as Hannah Montana.
Killer Whale? More like, Kill Her Whale! No, actually, I guess Killer Whale is perfectly appropriate.
Tilikum the killer whale, I think, has put his employers in an awkward position. I mean, a killer whale is not an employee that you can fire, or take away his quarterly bonus. And there is, of course, the awkward press conference where you explain, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world, that “in July 1999, security guards found a naked dead man draped across the orca’s back one morning.” Sure, the guy sneaked past SeaWorld security and apparently died of hypothermia, but it’s awkward when one of your employees was found wearing a naked dead man as a hat.
Tilikum, killer whale, kills — time for America to strike back!
I suppose you have heard of Tilikum the killer whale who killed. I’m in Africa. If I’ve heard of Tilikum, you have, too. He’s a 22-foot, 12,000-pound orca that last week killed Dawn Brancheau, a 40-year-old veteran killer whale trainer. One could look at the tragedy of such an event. In fact, I’m sure most will look at it as just that… but not me. I see it for what it really is… an act of war. That’s right. War. And what’s worse is that we have been at war since October 3, 2003. What happened on that date?
On October 3, 2003, Montecore (a 380-pound tiger) attacked Roy of Siegfried and Roy, the gay tiger trainers and performers. Roy was not killed but was severely injured. And what happened to Montecore? Nothing. [Read more →]
Disturbing behavior at Chuck E. Cheese (also, a fight and a gun)
A fight breaks out at Chuck E. Cheese, a gun is drawn, and a man is pistol-whipped in the parking lot. This is probably the least disturbing thing that has ever happened at a Chuck E. Cheese. Every little kid I’ve ever seen at one of these places has been so traumatized by the freaky animatronics band on the stage, I doubt than any gunplay would even be noticed. [Read more →]
John Ashcroft: Enemy of mollusks
Fascinating news from Hawaii.
A nice couple that I’m friends with (let’s call them “Tammy” and “Chuck”) recently vacationed on the island of Kauai with their kids “Roy” (age 5) and “Natalie” (age 2). Tammy and Chuck were shocked to discover that a universally beloved member of George W. Bush’s administration was wintering there.
