10. He won’t give you mouth-to-mouth unless he takes you to dinner first
9. He’s declared himself “King of the Ocean” and sits atop his lifeguard tower wearing an ermine-lined cloak and holding a scepter
8. He has a tendency to throw drowning people the wrong kind of Life Saver, and prefers peppermint
7. Instead of rubbing sunblock on his nose, he uses vanilla pudding
6. He prefers sitting with his back to the ocean
5. He’ll only use his defibrillator to heat his tacos
4. He’s dating his CPR dummy
3. He’s wearing a lifeguard whistle. Period.
2. Whenever someone is drowning, he tries to run towards them in slow motion, because that’s how they run on Baywatch
1. He likes to be buried in the sand up to his neck…headfirst
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.