10. It’s so cold, I saw a line of chickens outside a KFC, waiting for their turn in the deep fryer
9. It’s so cold that I almost want to go to Florida
8. It’s so cold, Starbucks is serving coffee on a stick
7. It’s so cold, the Blue Man Group turned Caucasian-colored
6. It’s so cold that even my balls went inside to get warm
5. It’s so cold, it’s almost as cold as a Koch Brother’s heart — assuming they have one between them
4. It’s so cold, aquariums no longer really need the glass
3. It’s so cold, even your farts have a wind chill factor – it’s fifteen degrees out, but it smells like nine
2. It’s so cold, my aunt slipped on some ice and accidently keyed someone’s Mercedes with her nipple!
1. It’s so cold, Donald Trump is having hookers pee on him just for the warmth!
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.