Entries Tagged as 'environment & nature'

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question “How hot is it?”

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10. “It’s so hot, Bill Cosby says he kinda wishes he’d been thrown in the ‘cooler’.”

9. “It’s so hot, today I fried an egg…at room temperature.”

8. “It’s so hot, the last guy who asked me ‘Hot enough for ya?’ I was compelled to beat to death with a sockful of nickels.”

7. “It’s so hot, I have a brand on my stomach shaped like a seat belt buckle.”

6. “It’s so hot, in Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, Oregon, and Washington, joints are lighting themselves.”

5. “It’s so hot, I ran into a burning building, just to cool off.”

4. “It’s so hot, because of their mercury content, people all across the country have been subjected to exploding thermometers and tuna.”

3. “It’s so hot, Satan took out a full page ad in The New York Times, asking for his weather back.”

2. “It’s so hot, two hobbits just walked by and threw a ring in through my window.”

1. “It’s so hot, the last time Trump said global warming was a hoax, his pants caught on fire.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Now that Spring is here, top ten signs your house could use a good spring cleaning

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10. Your “lace curtains” seem to be catching an unusually large number of flies

9. After a mudslide swept through your house, it actually looked better

8. Your “bean bag chair” is made of accumulated lint

7. Even Jehovah’s Witnesses won’t come inside

6. Your “dust bunnies” have all been devoured by “dust bobcats”

5. You’ve lost three pets and a nephew to indoor avalanches

4. Something keeps slamming your refrigerator door shut…from the inside!

3. When somebody asks, “What died in here?” you give them a list

2. You wipe your feet on the mat before stepping outside

1. Now that Trump is gutting the EPA, you’re hoping they’ll finally stop sending you warning letters
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question, “How cold is it?”

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10. “It’s so cold, your car won’t start running and your nose won’t stop.”

9. “It’s so cold, my aunt accidentally tripped and keyed someone’s car with her nipple.”

8. “It’s so cold, you leave your freezer door open to help warm up the house.”

7. “It’s so cold, throwing a snowball is legally classified as ‘assault with a deadly weapon’.”

6. “It’s so cold, you have trouble jump-starting your penguin.”

5. “It’s so cold, my snowman got frostbite.”

4. “It’s so cold, I chipped a tooth on my soup.”

3. “It’s so cold, a big-rig driver from Alabama froze off his truck nuts.”

2. “It’s so cold, someone stole your aquarium’s four glass sides…and no one has noticed yet.”

1. “It’s so cold, Hell actually froze over — which helps explain Trump becoming President.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten excuses of Kenneth Crowder, a 41-year-old Melbourne, Florida man arrested for having sex with a tree

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10. “She has the loveliest limbs I’ve ever seen.”

9. “I just felt like being knotty.”

8. “I’ve always had sex with women before, and I thought I’d branch out.”

7. “I myself am a son of a birch.”

6. “Her body is gnarly, man!”

5. “When it comes to romance, I’m a real sap.”

4. “I pine for her every day.”

3. “I’ve asked her to marry me again and again; every year she gets another ring.”

2. “One touch from her and I’m sporting wood.”

1. “Beggars can’t be choosers – though actually I’d prefer a trimmed bush.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question “How hot is it?”

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10. “It’s so hot, Siri suggested I drop my cell phone in a glass of iced tea.”

9. “It’s so hot, my water buffalo evaporated.”

8. “It’s so hot, Jehovah’s Witnesses have decided to give telemarketing a try.”

7. “It’s so hot, the Campbell Soup Company is changing its directions to ‘Open, pour, and enjoy!’”

6. “It’s so hot, a Republican actually broke down and admitted Global Warming is real.”

5. “It’s so hot, instead of bread, stores are only selling toast.”

4. “It’s so hot, Hillary Clinton will continue campaigning in her pantsuit…without the pants.”

3. “It’s so hot, in Colorado, Washington, Alaska and Oregon, joints are lighting themselves.”

2. “It’s so hot, I ran into a burning building, just to cool off.”

1. “It’s so hot, Melania Trump actually appreciated the cool reception her plagiarized speech got.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question “How cold is it?”

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10. “It’s so cold, your car won’t start running and your nose won’t stop.”

9. “It’s so cold, I saw an oak tree with its nuts frozen off.”

8. “It’s so cold, throwing a snowball is legally classified as ‘assult with a deadly weapon’.”

7. “It’s so cold, you leave your refrigerator door open to keep your food even colder.”

6. “It’s so cold, you found five Eskimos huddled in your family room.”

5. “It’s so cold, Grandma’s teeth aren’t chattering because they’re frozen in the glass of water next to her bed.”

4. “It’s so cold, it would be colder than Donald Trump’s heart…if he had one.”

3. “It’s so cold, airport TSA agents are putting on mittens before fondling you.”

2. “It’s so cold, you can’t tell how cold it is because the mercury in the thermometer just froze.”

1. “It’s so cold, Martin Shkreli (that scumbag who raised the price of that AIDS drug from $13.50 a tablet to $750 per tablet) has asked that he be sent to Hell earlier than scheduled.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

environment & naturereligion & philosophy

PCUSA … and PRO-Fossil Fuel … Part 1

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Consider how Christians might respond to a call for a blanket divestment from Christianity, inspired by a variety of things that have taken place in the past, or are taking place right now … things that had (or have) nothing whatsoever to do with Jesus Christ and the kingdom He proclaimed, yet were done (or are being done) in His name, and in pursuit of a very worldly and wrongful pursuit of His kingdom.

How might Christians respond to such a call?

[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten signs your summer camp counselor is crazy

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10. He’s always walking around the camp, wearing his tent as a poncho, and nothing else

9. During Arts & Crafts, he asks everyone to knit a sweater out of pasta

8. His Indian name is ‘Dances with Kumquats’

7. He shows you how to make a fire just using sticks, dry leaves, and a blowtorch

6. Instead of a sunscreen with a high SPF, he keeps slathering on mayonnaise

5. He claims that his favorite camp counselor is Jason Voorhees

4. Around the campfire, instead of Kumbaya, he has you singing Charlene’s I’ve Never Been To Me

3. When you’re acting up around the pool, instead of a whistle, he blows his slide trombone

2. Every five minutes, he has everyone check everyone else for ticks

1. He plans to vote for Trump
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question, “How cold is it?”

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10. It’s so cold, this morning, the early bird catching the worm had gloves on.

9. It’s so cold, the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.

8. It’s so cold, hitchhikers are holding up pictures of thumbs.

7. It’s so cold, cab drivers are flipping people off with their mittens.

6. It’s so cold, people were contracting Ebola just for the fever.

5. It’s so cold, I chipped a tooth on some broth.

4. It’s so cold, if I had a stick up my butt, it’d be a popsicle.

3. It’s so cold, my aunt slipped on some ice and accidently keyed someone’s Mercedes…with her nipple!

2. It’s so cold, the Blue Man Group turned Caucasian-colored!

1. It’s so cold, Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question “How hot is it?”

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10. “It’s so hot, my tongue got a sunburn telling somebody how hot it was.”

9. “It’s so hot, Optimus Prime decided to transform into an air conditioner.”

8. “It’s so hot, I have a brand on my stomach shaped like a seat belt.”

7. “It’s so hot, Hillary Clinton has been semi-campaigning in her pantsuit…without the pants.”

6. “It’s so hot, Donald Sterling attended an NAACP meeting just for the chilly reception.”

5. “It’s so hot, this morning I saw a bum with a sign that read ‘Will Work For Shade’.”

4. “It’s so hot, I saw a fire hydrant chasing down a dog.”

3. “It’s so hot, squirrels are pouring Gatorade on their nuts.”

2. “It’s so hot, I set my house on fire, just to cool it off.”

1. “It’s so hot, in Colorado and Washington, joints are lighting themselves.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question, “How cold is it?”

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10. It’s so cold, you have to open the fridge freezer to heat the house

9. It’s so cold, the National Aquarium in Baltimore just realized it no longer needed all that glass

8. It’s so cold, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford spent all last night trying to snort a snowbank

7. It’s so cold, you have trouble jump-starting your penguin

6. It’s so cold, Grandma’s teeth won’t stop chattering – and they’re still in the glass

5. It’s so cold, when police tell a robber to freeze, it’s redundant

4. It’s so cold, it’s almost as cold as a Koch Brother’s heart — assuming they had one between them

3. It’s so cold, you had to scrape the window on your microwave

2. It’s so cold, we made ice cream at room temperature

1. It’s so cold, a guy would want to hold onto a witch’s tit just for the warmth!

 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question “How hot is it?”

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10. “It’s so hot, Michael Bloomberg was spotted drinking a Big Gulp.”

9. “It’s so hot, the Statue of Liberty has pit stains.”

8. “It’s so hot, Richard Simmons just came out with Heat-Stroking to the Oldies.”

7. “It’s so hot, nuns are wearing Daisy Dukes.”

6. “It’s so hot, the fish are sweating.”

5. “It’s so hot, George Zimmerman says he kinda wishes he’d been thrown in the ‘cooler’.”

4. “It’s so hot, Martha Stewart has started dating both Ben and Jerry.”

3. “It’s so hot, Chris Christie is making his own gravy.”

2. “It’s so hot, today I fried an egg…at room temperature.”

1. “It’s so hot, Paula Deen attended an NAACP meeting just for the chilly reception.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question “How cold is it?”

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10. It’s so cold, you have trouble jump-starting your polar bear

9. It’s so cold, TSA agents are required to put on mittens before fondling you

8. It’s so cold, your teeth won’t stop chattering – and they’re still in the glass

7. It’s so cold, nobody’s calling the fire department when their house catches on fire

6. It’s so cold, aquariums no longer really need the glass

5. It’s so cold, a temperature was actually recorded that was colder than the shoulder General Petraeus’s wife is giving him

4. It’s so cold, you hang around menopausal women just for the hot flashes

3. It’s so cold, Victoria’s Secret is now showing its latest line of parkas

2. It’s so cold, you had to scrape the window on your microwave

1. It’s so cold, even your farts have a wind chill factor – it’s fifteen degrees out, but it smells like nine
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question “How hot is it?”

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10. “It’s so hot, Gitmo detainees are waterboarding themselves.”

9. “It’s so hot, cows are giving evaporated milk.”

8. “It’s so hot, Lindsay Lohan just tested positive for Slurpees.”

7. “It’s so hot, I saw a squirrel forced to handle his nuts with tongs.”

6. “It’s so hot, fish are sweating.”

5. “It’s so hot, the last guy who asked me ‘Hot enough for ya?’ I was compelled to beat to death with a sockful of nickels.”

4. “It’s so hot, my oral and rectal thermometers just exploded.”

3. “It’s so hot, when the Romneys drive to Canada this year, Mitt called first dibs on the roof!”

2. “It’s so hot, the Tanning Mom just burst into flames!”

1. “It’s so hot, today I fried an egg…at room temperature.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

environment & naturevirtual children by Scott Warnock

The ultimate patriot machine

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I want to be a role model. I want to be a good citizen. I want my kids and their friends to look at me proudly, maybe even marvel a bit. So I do what I can, which has included purchasing the ultimate patriot machine: The reel lawnmower.

[Read more →]

environment & naturepolitics & government

Los Angeles bans plastic bags

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environment & naturevirtual children by Scott Warnock

Ah, the not-so-sweet smell of sustainability

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Children today are barraged with messages about going green, about sustainability, about saving the environment. But if you are a parent, you still probably spend a lot of time walking around the house switching off lights. [Read more →]

environment & naturetechnology

Powering a flat earth

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Thank you, Mr President. You put the case fairly and well although if you really want to impress you might find an audience a bit more seasoned and a bit less willing to roll over and have their tummies rubbed. You have split your hand and doubled down on Green Alternative Energy so you must be holding at least twenty. Now it’s time to turn all the cards. I hope the White House searchbots have been comprehensive and found the odd moments when I Hoped to Believe in the Change you have promised but on the big question of how we power our modern world, yes, I have been a detractor. Your well documented expertise in engineering and physics should have given me caution but let my indictment show that I have also been fair, once in a while. Once in a very great while. [Read more →]

environment & naturepolitics & government

Bumper sticker energy plans

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Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingenvironment & nature

Top ten answers to the question “How cold is it?”

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10. It’s so cold, you have trouble jump-starting your penguin

9. It’s so cold, you’re shivering like Rick Santorum at a Gay Pride parade

8. It’s so cold, when Wall Street investors jumping off buildings hit the sidewalk, they shatter into a million tiny pieces

7. It’s so cold, Osama bin Laden actually saw a snowball where he is

6. It’s so cold, Michele Bachmann’s husband is staying in the closet – for the coats

5. It’s so cold, nobody’s calling the fire department when their house catches on fire

4. It’s so cold, when police tell a robber to freeze, it’s redundant

3. It’s so cold, five rednecks have frozen off their truck nuts

2. It’s so cold, Anthony Weiner is Tweeting pictures of his mukluks

1. It’s so cold, you’re teeth won’t stop chattering – and they’re still in the glass

 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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