Entries Tagged as 'his & hers'

getting older

My 42nd New Year. (Keep in mind my first year was only 43 days long)

No Gravatar

I’m not going to start this blog with an apology about how rarely I blog. If I were hitting you everyday and apologizing each time, it would not change the fact that I hit you every day, would it? No. So let us just not speak of it at all.

I am one of those people who spends some time reflecting on New Year’s Eve. I don’t want to be. I have tried not to be. No getting around it, I just am. I’m not severe about it. I mean, I’m not kicking myself all night for not being who I thought I would be when I daydreamed in middle school. Much. Mostly, I take a quick inventory and try to motivate myself to go in one direction or another.

The first time I remember really putting any thought into it I was six months past college graduation and waiting tables at Cha Cha Coconuts. [Read more →]

family & parenting

Just one or two hours in that room of one’s own.

No Gravatar

I never wanted anyone to take care of me.

I can’t say that I never needed care, just that I never felt much of a need for it. Maybe I didn’t allow myself a desire for it? Hmm.

In childhood it was available in spurts, the care. My father was absent of the ability, or desire. My mother tried her best, but struggled with depression and her ability to care for herself. Maybe that is saying too much about her, or giving her too little credit. Good thing she doesn’t really understand the internet. [Read more →]

his & herspolitics & government

The real tragedy of the Anthony Weiner story: When engaging in a time-honored courtship ritual makes you an object of scorn

No Gravatar

The sending of photos of one’s genitalia to the object of your affection is a beautiful expression of love, desire, and trust. By exposing yourself, you are opening yourself completely to another person. There is nothing so gratifying. There is nothing so perilous. “Here I am, in all my glory,” you are saying. “Accept me, please.”

It takes strength, courage, and genuine affection to express yourself so forthrightly. [Read more →]

The worst of me

No Gravatar

When you are first dating someone you give them all the best stuff, right? Especially if you really hit it off. Because the people you really hit it off with bring out the best in you.  They make you funnier and sexier, and way more relaxed then you really are.

And that’s fine, right? If that didn’t happen, would anyone date at all? If we all started out with a laundry list of why we were such a mess, who would be interested? Well, except for people who are total masochists, or who think they can change you, or believe you will change for them, or are so crazy that they think you’re normal. We all know how relationships with crazy delusional masochists turn out, right? I couldn’t be the only one. Right? Right.

[Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten signs you had a bad Valentine’s Day

No Gravatar

10. The only person who saw you naked was the TSA screener

9. You had to eat at home, because of your date’s ankle bracelet

8. Charlie Sheen made you take a number

7. You found out your date “Stephanie” was really “Stephen”

6. The restaurant you went to was determined by the best coupon he had

5. Your ‘date’ was really a Señor Wences-style puppet drawn on your right hand

4. Your boyfriend’s promise of a seven-course meal turned out to be a bowl of corn chips and a six pack

3. Instead of not having sex, you didn’t have sex three times!

2. Because your date gave you “something special” for Valentine’s Day, you’re now taking Valtrex

1. Your husband thought it would be a good time to tell you about his ‘bromance’
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten favorite lines for a Valentine’s Day poem

No Gravatar

10. Although this sonnet’s only ten lines long,

9. And not a sonnet’s needed full fourteen,

8. To call this poem a sonnet would be wrong.

7. So this poem’s dedicated to Maureen.

6. I Love your kindness, wittiness, and grace.

5. I Love the fire burning in your soul.

4. I Love your gorgeous body, lovely face.

3. When we’re together, I at last feel whole.

2. We’ll share Eternal Love, us One together.

1. Or, at the very least, forever endeavor.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

ends & oddhis & hers

The New Mexico Valentine’s Day cockfighting day trip

No Gravatar

Valentine’s Day is the perfect holiday for showing your significant other just exactly what you feel about her. A special day trip can add an extra element of fun and excitement, and makes a unique gift. It’s also important to explore and support local events and landmarks; it helps you to feel more connected to the place where you live. I thought I would share one of my own experiences in unique gift-giving, from many years ago. I hope it gives you some great ideas on what you can do to make your own Valentine’s Day extra special.

I spent my college days at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque. My moving out to New Mexico to be with her impressed my girlfriend, but she was rarely impressed by anything else I did.  My gift-giving skills were, she told me, consistently disappointing.  For instance, one Valentine’s Day I cooked her a meal consisting of Smack Ramen and Spam, with conversation hearts floating in Jell-O for desert (I was poor).  The year before, I presented her with a Bullwinkle T-shirt I had won by eating 40 Taco Bell tacos in a month (she gave it back to me).

Well, this particular Valentine’s Day, the one I’m discussing right now, I was determined would be different.

[Read more →]

Change shows up vs change show downs

No Gravatar

I blogged in December, but I didn’t post it.

The blog was vague. I wanted to talk about something, but I didn’t want to jinx it. So, the blog didn’t really make any sense. It was likely pretty darn uninteresting, as well.

At the time, when I first wrote it, I was pregnant. I was trying to come to terms, in a happy way, with the idea that maybe I could go back to re-planning that whole “married with children” lifestyle. It would be a new version, of course, with my new cake husband, and certainly way better than the Bundy version. Not to mention way better than my previous version, one would hope. [Read more →]

his & hersmoney

Woman Goes From Bride-To-Be to Plaintiff

No Gravatar

For a spurned ex-fiance, is there any better revenge than hitting your former partner in the wallet?

I almost laughed through my bleary eyes Thursday morning when I woke up and saw Lemondrop.com link to this story about a Chicago woman suing her former life partner-to-be for almost six figures to recover costs from a wedding that was cancelled at the last minute. It’s not the first tale of its kind, but the dollar amount close to $100k drew my attention.

Without a doubt, Dominique B is doing the right thing. Nuptials are serious business with major financial ramifications for those footing the bill. If her man was getting cold feet, he owed it to her to end the relationship before expenses mounted and Dominique’s monetary investment grew to a level close to her emotional one. You’ll be hard pressed to find a better argument in favor of small, quaint ceremonies (read: inexpensive ones).

These kinds of situations should go both ways. If a woman pulls the ‘Runaway Bride’ act, men should drop the legal hammer if they see fit. It’s important for people, regardless of gender, to hit the brakes long before the big day spirals out of control. If their feelings are in doubt, they probably care more about the dollars anyway.

family & parenting

The new century’s single mom (I love my village)

No Gravatar

My mother grew up in a farm town in Illinois. She had an older brother and a younger brother, and her parents had double standards. She could only go so far into the woods, she could only swim so far out into the lake, she had to be home before dark — that kind of thing. Her brothers did as they pleased and she was informed that girls were not allowed the same freedom.

I wonder if that’s why she never complained about raising me alone. And I mean alone, no support system whatsoever, no help from my birth father. I wonder if she just decided to prove to everyone that she was strong, and fully capable of being both parents. She was strong, she was capable, but of course she couldn’t be two people. Neither can I.

[Read more →]

his & hers

How stupid is it to be happy?

No Gravatar

It is a clear indication that you are ridiculously happy when your friends post a link to Wikipedia’s definition of vomit on your facebook status updates. I wasn’t super pleased with the posting of the link itself, but I’m so happy. So happy in fact, that people can poop on my parade all they want. I will just keep smiling. Like the Orbitz gum girl. It’s raining poo, but man is there good stuff to smile about.

Of course, being who I am, and having dealt with what I have been through recently, all this smiling scares me a little. Can I really keep this up?

[Read more →]

his & hers

Why I always kiss on the first date

No Gravatar

Sometimes someone is obvious. You take one look at them, and you know just who they are, what they will be to you, how you will handle them. That’s pretty rare, I think. Mostly we misjudge. Or, we are hopeful, so we lean toward an opinion. We make the call on how we respond based on the outcome we want, not really what we expect. And, sometimes, we just don’t get what we expect at all.

Time and again I have met a guy, thought he was amazing, and then discovered through a kiss that there was no real substantial attraction. Conversely, I have met lots of guys that I wasn’t so sure about, and then have been blown away when they just kiss me into oblivion. This is making me sound like I have done a lot of kissing, which I think maybe I have. But, I also think there is a real lesson here. One that I started learning early on, to which I probably should have paid better attention.

[Read more →]

his & herstechnology

29 vs. 39 (or, why I joined Match.com for 3 days)

No Gravatar

When I was 29, and single, dating went like this: See a guy at a party, make eye contact, if he walks up chat a bit, find out some stuff (who his favorite band is, if he likes the Coen Brother’s films, if he had ever bothered to finish undergrad), make out, start dating. Just like that. I didn’t care about getting married, so I didn’t care if we got serious. Nobody I met had kids (or rarely had), no one had relaxed into a job they once hated. We just wanted to be hot for each other and have some things in common. Bonus if we liked each other’s friends.

Sigh… doesn’t that sound nice? Now at 39, and single, dating goes like this: [Read more →]

ends & oddhis & hers

Get in the box

No Gravatar

I put people in boxes. I have been doing it for a long time. The first time I did it, and did it well, was when I was seventeen. I have not spoken to that person in 22 years. Which is mostly what it means to be put in a box by me. I cut off contact entirely. I mean, it’s an imaginary box, but it works as well as a real one for me (perhaps with fewer legal ramifications.) Before you judge too harshly on how I judge, what I should have done to that first person was have him sent to jail.

When you go into one of my boxes, it isn’t just a matter of cutting off contact. [Read more →]

art & entertainmenthis & hers

Does our creativity come from our sex organs? (Of course it does.)

No Gravatar

Via dlisted, there is an interview from Vanity Fair in which Lady GaGa confesses that she believes the seat of her creativity can be found in her wondrous loins.

Lady Gaga tells Vanity Fair contributing editor Lisa Robinson that she tries to avoid having sex because she is afraid of depleting her creative energy — “I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina.”

Sex is a creative act in itself, if not procreative. It fans the creative spark; it does not deplete it. But how does a man take the creativity of a woman through her vagina? Copulation between a man and a woman involves penetrating the woman’s orifice with his penis. Does Ms. GaGa’s creativity travel into the hole in the tip of the penis, and up into his urethra, from there to his liver and eventually to his brain? [Read more →]

his & hers

The memo: Advice on becoming a woman

No Gravatar

When a woman reaches a certain age, she realizes that she is no longer relevant. Her hair loses its luster, her ass gets larger, and her skin gets dry and crackly. Tight jeans are replaced by loose-fitting pajama pants. Men no longer whistle as she walks by. In fact, they don’t even look at her, probably because she is pushing a double stroller while carrying three large diaper bags on one arm, two sippy cups in one hand, and a container full of Cheerios in the other hand. And it’s not only her appearance that’s taken a hit; her lifestyle sure isn’t what it used to be. [Read more →]

fashion & clothinghis & hers

Wardrobe Malfunction

No Gravatar
There should never be a case in which men blame a lack of productivity at the office on a woman’s attire.
 
The blogosphere has been sparked by one such situation involving 33-year-old Debrahlee Lorenzana suing Citigroup because she felt she was fired from her job with Citibank only for wearing clothes that were too distracting to her male colleagues and supervisors. Too distracting? Shouldn’t the onus be on the men in this case to, you know, focus on their jobs?
 
It’s a situation that is no different from cube dwellers who spend time surfing the gossip sites, Facebook, or any other content that might make it through company firewalls. When it’s time to work, the job has to be done. If it’s not, those people need to be held accountable. Try to imagine someone being chewed out by a supervisor and saying “hey, it’s not my fault I’m easily distracted. It’s your fault for allowing me to be distracted.” They’d probably be cleaning out their desk quickly regardless of age, gender, or background.
 
For even implying that they could be thrown off simply by the way a female looked, any of the men who might have spurred on this lawsuit deserve to have their own employment status evaluated.
his & herspolitics & government

Just another cheatin’ politician

No Gravatar

At age 28, I’m still young enough to get into politics if I choose to. I probably won’t, but if I do, I’m going to make sure I’m single.

Another public figure bites the dust, with an Indiana representative becoming the latest to leave office in personal disgrace. The conduct of some men elected to serve as the official leaders of our country continues to disappoint. Haven’t any of these politicians in question heard of divorce? Maybe some of them don’t believe in the procedure or fear image problems, but if that’s the case, they really shouldn’t be getting married. Nobody takes the whole “’til death do us part” bit of the marital vows seriously anymore. Plus, what’s worse – divorcing for the right reasons or being forced to leave office for the wrong ones?

Obviously, politicians are human, so maybe they want the life company of a marriage. Others might just want a wife as a way of showing how in touch with ‘family values’ they are.

The more of these relationships I hear about though, it makes me think that a politician who embraces and enjoys the single life would be a big step forward for our country.

his & hers

On becoming a woman: learning to grow some balls

No Gravatar

When you are in sixth grade (or these days, maybe second grade), you and the other girls in your class are asked to report to the library one afternoon for the infamous “becoming a woman” discussion. In the darkened library, and speaking in hushed tones, you are given the talk about the ways that women are different from men. You may remember it as being funny, or embarrassing. You certainly don’t see it as a particularly critical event in your maturation. [Read more →]

his & hers

He said, she said

No Gravatar

In the last year, my closest friends — guys and girls — have been getting themselves in and out of the most perplexing relationships and romantic situations. The guys ask me what women are thinking. They hope I will know, but I usually do not. The girls ask me what guys are thinking. They trust my candor, and it is all too easy to express. [Read more →]

« Previous PageNext Page »