Hello, all. Once again, I’ll take advantage of Dr. Spiegelvogel and offer a dream interpretation in two parts. First, I read and Spiegelvogel mimes:
Second, we have a brief therapy session: [Read more →]
Hi, folks. This video “Fred’s Dreams” is in two parts. First, a dream is read and interpreted….
…and second, Dr. Spiegelvogel and I have a discussion about it. [Read more →]
It is my great pleasure to continue with Dr. Spiegelvogel’s interpretations of selected dreams from my files.
For the time being we will continue with video interpretations by Dr. Spiegelvogel. While last week’s dream was about getting undressed, this week’s is the opposite.
Hello, readers. I have never addressed you directly in this column, but I have some wonderful news. My performance therapist, Dr. Guenther Spiegelvogel, is in the United States for a lengthy visit and he has agreed to let me share some of our work on this blog.
As it is said in the Talmud, “A dream left uninterpreted is like a letter left unopened.” For the next few weeks, Spiegelvogel will help me open my psychic mail in this column. Feel free to reply with your own interpretations. –Fred
July 5, 2010
I dream I am working at a paramilitary version of a university at which there are many regulations. I have used the mustard wrong, so I am pulled from duty and forced to take a shower. I am given 36 seconds, but I’m told that the time started before I had my clothes off. I am then placed on “line duty.” My job is to herd people through the line of the local dinner theater. I have subordinates who are required to keep people moving through three sets of turnstiles in an orderly manner.
July 9, 2010
I dream there is a gathering at my very mod home, and a friend of my mother’s who sees herself as a nature lover is playing too aggressively with a pet snake. The snake bites her in the mouth and leaves fangs in her tongue. We beg this woman to go to the emergency room, but she just pulls the fangs out of her tongue and goes on with her day. The snake is left without teeth, and it keeps trying to bite the head off of a chicken. The chicken seems to be enjoying having its head in the snake’s mouth and repeatedly pulling it out.
November 24, 2009
I dream I am finishing up a meal at a movie theater. I purchase supplementary cucumber slices, but Gail feels that they are starting to get slimy. We then notice that we are the last people there, so we get up to leave. The employees are happy to see us go, but then I realize that we didn’t pay for the cucumbers. I go back in to find that a large group of young people are gathered for a presentation. I ask what the presentation is about and I find that the subject is euthanizing the elderly. The process involves relaxing them in warm oil before killing them.
June 26, 2010
I dream I am appearing in a burlesque show in a high school theater. Attendance is sparse and the show is not going well. It is time for my trained dog act, but the dog is not there. A dog I don’t know has shown up with his trainer, and they suggest I do the act with this strange dog. I say, “I’ve never worked with this dog.” They say, “Ah, just give it a try.” I say, “Hello, Doggie,” and the dog barks viciously. At first I am terrified but then the dog gets right up to my face, smiles, and says “Hello, Fred.” It becomes clear that this dog will be a sensation and I am already anticipating the accolades, but nearby a Metro North train is letting out and the crowds pass right across our stage. Sadly, none of them stay for the show. I am astonished to learn that there is a Metro North track that runs right across the back of the stage. I wonder why more people don’t get killed.
June 21, 2010
I dream it is the first week of school and I am looking at my first set of papers. I see that one student has turned in two different papers for the same assignment. If this were not suspicious enough, both were printed with the smelly blue ink that used to be used with a stencil in hand-cranked copying machines. I go to the computer to look up this student, but I can’t figure out his game. Whatever else happens, though, I refuse to read two papers.
June 13, 2010
I dream I work on the staff of an enormous entertainment complex visited by hundreds of thousands of people every day. It is coming to the end of an event, and cars tied together with rope move past us in a huge procession. Eric and I hang around until the crowd thins out and Liza Minnelli joins us at our table and starts singing. Later on, Liza performs memory feats. It is getting to be time for me to perform, but I am not wearing my pants. I pull my shirt down to cover my genitals. Meanwhile, an elderly man runs around with his enormous schlong waving and he’s making a big show of it. I am grateful for the distraction.
April 15, 2010
I dream I am staying in a secluded house with an old girlfriend and some others. A man I suspect of being a vampire comes over and tries to establish dominion over the house. A transportation strike has begun, and I suspect that the vampire has started it to keep us at this location. I have to escape. I dump the girlfriend and go out on foot during the day and try to get as far away as possible. I hitchhike to Pittsburgh.
June 5, 2010
I dream I am on an undercover job at an institution and I’m concealing the following things: I have a metal fitting under my pierced nipple, another metal fitting under my pierced testicles, and I’m wearing a full body harness/undergarment. Fortunately, it’s cold so the harness/undergarment is not unpleasant to wear. The people on my crew know what’s up and they help me conceal my true identity. Meanwhile, back at our home/headquarters, we are living among people we don’t know. There are Asians there and I don’t know if they are with us or against us. I take a nap on the sofa and someone removes the metal fitting from my pierced testicles. I pretend to be asleep, but I know what’s going on.
May 21, 2010
I dream I live in a fancy community of witches and warlocks situated near an amusement park. We hear bad omens and our worst fears come true. A very sophisticated rival group has sent over their crows to let us know there is to be a challenge. During a pool party we attempt to figure out how we will be attacked. On the night of the big skirmish I and several other less intrepid wizards congregate at the top of the roller coaster to wait this thing out.
May 9, 2010
I dream I am sitting in my old house in the middle of the night with Daniel and Bobbi. I cut up a long vegetable, but I can’t tell if it’s a cucumber or a zucchini. Daniel is sure it’s a cucumber and Bobbi thinks it’s an eggplant, but I assure her that an eggplant has never entered our house. I consider this further and go downstairs and discover that the burglar alarm is not on and that the back door is open and sitting in my basement are three people I don’t know. There is a large glass shard from a bottle, so I brandish it and tell them to get the fuck out of my house. My voice, however, sounds like that of a comic drunkard, so they don’t take me seriously. I start stabbing them lightly, but still they don’t leave. I stab all of them, including a little old lady, but to them I seem to be a nuisance and not a threat.
August 29, 2008
I dream I am sharing a hotel room with Gail, Deborah, Eric, and Don. It’s about time to get up, and Eric is skeeved to note that he had been resting his head on my crotch all night. I laugh it off and we start to get up. The last two people out of bed are Gail and Don, so I pretend to be indignant and drag Don off the bed. I excoriate him, in Italian, for ruining my woman.
April 8, 2010
I dream I am watching a performance by fabulous magician Andrew Goldenhersh. He is doing a new bit with a large pile of white powder he says is salt. He is going to make a volcano, and he lights the powder and it begins to sputter and explode. It firebombs the audience with fragments of white goo. Fortunately, none of the goo touches me. Then the volcano throws off organized smoke that forms in the shapes of bunnies and rocket ships. It is very magical and I am inspired to visit a magic shop, but there are none. I go to the open air library to look for a phone book. When I finally find one, not only are there no magic shops listed, but there is nothing that begins with the letter “m.”
February 28, 2010
I dream there is a campus celebration and two girls are practicing their magic act. One of them can have her arms penetrate solid objects despite the fact that her thumbs are tied together. I appreciate this trick and I would like to invite these girls to perform in a show with me. Unfortunately, the word comes down that the puppets are running amok. We must kill them. That’s not too hard to do since they’re made out of cloth and they’re not that strong.
April 6, 2010
I dream I am about to leave on a road trip to shoot a television show with my brother. We are late. We rush to the bus station on our bikes and a young man is inspired to see us because he, too, is on his bike and he plans to make it to his location on time. He asks us if we feel positive. We say we feel pretty good, but we don’t know for sure if we will make it. The young man is disgusted because of our lack of certainty, and he lectures us because we don’t think positively.
April 16, 2010
I dream I live in a depressing room in a dormitory so I visit my auxiliary room, which is much nicer. There is a polished wooden cane leaning up against a rich-looking wooden door so I begin to cane-walk. I hold the cane upright with the bottom tip on the floor, crouch down low, and hang from the top of the cane. I push myself up, balance in the air for a second at a time, and land a couple of feet away, sort of like mini-pole vaulting. After a few minutes of cane-walking through my auxiliary room, I feel that something is wrong and I check my penis. I find it has a 90 degree downward bend in it. I try to straighten it out, but it won’t budge. I know I’ll have to go to the health center. I notice I left the door open and people are watching me.
January 29, 2010
I dream I am on a trip with my brother and in a subway station he buys a huge supply of government hotdogs. After he thinks about it, he realizes he has been rooked by the diminutive hotdog man. Normally, he would sue in this situation, but since the diminutive hotdog vendor is a city employee and Dan is reluctant to implicate former mayor, Ed Rendell, he resigns himself to being rooked. Meanwhile, we have to transport the huge supply of hotdogs and accompanying furniture, and we run into Betsy who tells me that Dan should get out on the social networking websites more frequently. I tell her he’s out on those from time to time, but she says not enough. I say, “How do you know? Have you even gone out with him?” She says, “Yes.” I am livid because neither my brother nor Betsy told me about the date. I also wonder why she and I had never gone out on a date.
March 9, 2010
I dream I have purchased a large rubbery lizard that is said to have a rudimentary artificial intelligence. At first, I am unimpressed by the lizard and wish to throw it out, but gradually the lizard gets smarter and larger. My plan it to ditch the lizard at a synagogue function. I leave it in a small pond in back of the event, but it has turned charming and has acquired the ability to change colors. It has grown large now, so I fold it up and bring it home.
March 24, 2010
I dream I am working at a food court at the Coney Island boardwalk, and Bill Cosby is talking to a young man. I can’t hear exactly what they’re saying, but the young man appears skeptical. He doesn’t understand why Cosby is interested in him or why he wants to talk to him. Cosby is passionate, however, and he informs the young man that he loves him. The young man does not believe it.
February 6, 2010
I dream it is Saturday morning and the cleaning man and his people are here, but not much cleaning is being done. The cleaning man tells me he thinks of himself as a designer, not a cleaning man. I tell him, no, he’s a cleaning man and I gave him money and he is to clean the house. He explains that this is not “the thing,” and that I must at least help him with the “swats.” I say, “What is this word, ‘swats’?” He says, “Rags.” I say, “As far as I know, I am not obligated to help you with the ‘swats.’ I am paying you a hundred dollars. You are supposed to clean the house.” During this conversation I notice that the sofa cushions are on the dining room table.
August 8, 2009
I dream Deborah has just arrived for a visit with me and Gail. When I am alone for a few moments with Deborah, I see there are specks of blood on her face. I ask her what the hell happened. She says she had to rescue a cat who had hung himself from her shower rod. She couldn’t untie him, so she had to find a pair of scissors and cut him down. I tell her to clean up, but she insists she doesn’t look that bad. Later on, I see that the cat has a collar and I impulsively cut the collar off with a pair of scissors. The cat suddenly has a burst of energy because he is finally free.
March 7, 2010
I dream I am with friends who cultivate eccentricities. I am fussy about the kinds of eccentricities I am willing to cultivate, but with them, anything goes. For example, I am reluctant to use the new inspirational paper towels. I am ok with the old ones imprinted with general homilies that might be appropriate in a wide range of contexts, but my friends prefer the new ones that are thought to be the word of God. If anyone has a problem or question, all they do is rip off the next paper towel and do what it says. My friends recline together in enormous beds and think up odd things to do. I feel out of it, and begin work on a list of eccentric activities.
February 20, 2010
I dream I am a youngish version of myself attending a summer theater program at NYU. We have our belongings arranged for inspection in an orientation room and it is clear people brought too much stuff. The head of the program has us pack up and head towards the dorms. I walk with one other student and we run into the head of the program who is chatting with Meryl Streep. Meryl seems interested in me, which feels wonderful and bizarre. I ask the head of the program where we go to pick up our room keys. He gives me a funny look. Suddenly, someone picks me up from behind and holds me aloft while another man pours a very cold beverage onto my crotch.
January 17, 2010
I dream I am Dr. House and Gail is Dr. Cuddy. I am looking after Cuddy/Gail’s health hotel, and I receive a psychic message that the showers are to be taken over by evil spirits. I tape down the sides of the shower curtains. Suddenly, blood and guts start to spray from the nozzles, filling up the showers. I exorcise the demons and all goes back to normal.
February 1, 2010
I dream I am interviewing Bob Newhart during a midterm exam. Bob is charming, and he allows me to hang out in his West Philly home where he is finishing up a memoir. I sneak back later to finish up a few things and I inadvertently destroy a tropical fish hors d’ oeuvre. While getting rid of the evidence I discover a crazy elderly woman sleeping underneath his kitchen work table. I try to escape before Bob gets back.
January 5, 2010
I dream I am playing Barnaby in a miserable production of Hello, Dolly. No one knows his lines, nothing works correctly, and I cannot locate my pants. The problem with the production is attributed to a demonic presence that messes things up and leaves pieces of shit sprinkled around the set. We call in some Rabbis to exorcise the production. Eventually I find seven pairs of my pants frozen beneath the surface of the reflecting pool.
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