Jarl [Read more →]
Jarl [Read more →]
December 21, 5:50am:
Worst news ever. Flight has been cancelled. Huge snow storm. Horrendously long lines— in one of them now, hoping to get on the 2:30 flight to Copenhagen and catch connecting flight home tonight.
December 21, 9:33 am:
Still in line, moving painfully slow. Someone in the family in front of me has a case of the farts. Annoying. I bet it’s the chubby kid. It’s always the chubby kid.
December21, 10 am:
Not going to Copenhagen. But guess who is? That’s right, little mister fartface and his whole slob family. Blood pressure rising. Need a Cinnabon.
December 21, 10:13am: [Read more →]
“He can’t do it,” Dale said to the doctor.
“He can’t? He must!” Zarkhov said back with his barking, Czech accent and with that I seemed to have been shut out of the deliberations on the subject. “We have seen their power. They do not need our permission to do anything if they are willing to destroy us all and they seem pretty well able to find the will. We must cooperate. We must ALL cooperate. We will save our own lives and almost certainly the lives of everyone on earth. It is our only path.” [Read more →]
3) Eggs [Read more →]
“You speak English.”
“Yes, do you?”
Sarcasm is unreassuring generally and from a chrome-masked grim reaper type figure that has woken you from a coma to ask after your health, especially so. [Read more →]
First, a note of thanks and recognition to my ghost writer. Oh, she does not like that but I do not like deceptions. Or not much. Besides which she is as well known as I am and she was there but I will tell it all as it happened to me and maybe if we put in some steamy parts she will consent to author those from her side. [Read more →]
Autumn is upon us, dear readers, and there is no season which I like better. The reasons for my unwavering love for the falls are simple ones, yet they remain worth sharing. Perhaps seeing some of my favorite activities will help you make the most of your season. [Read more →]
Oh my God. This is it. Jim, have you seen this thing? It looks just like him! Can you run this Dr. Evil costume back to the rack? I don’t need it anymore. This is the one. I’ll go as Obama!
You know who this guy is, right? Yeah, the President… black guy…yeah you get it. Can you imagine? Should I wear a suit with it? No…no…not a suit. I’ll wear a Hawaiian shirt. Oh man, that would be too good. Obama in a Hawaiian shirt, just hanging out. So funny. [Read more →]
Frank Wilson has an intriguing piece on prayer and belief in God. Check it out. After reading it I devised a little parable for believers and non-believers to chew on.
There were two Catholic school boys in New England. One hated studying theology, not only because it was boring, but because he saw no evidence of God. The other boy was skeptical too, but he made a decision to respect theology. The cynical boy took his test and failed. After finding out his grade he cursed God. The boy with faith prayed for an A and received one.
Kelly Conaboy, beautiful woman and writer of many popular humorous novels and television shows and movies that everyone loved, died Saturday at one of her homes in a scenic part of Europe. She was 101.
Her daughter, Kelley Conaboy, confirmed the death Sunday morning, reporting that her mother had died of her own will. Not like a suicide, really, because — let me explain. Kelly had spent her last 76 years in her 25-year-old body, except slightly taller and without the health problems, after ingesting something (?) by accident in 2012 that allowed this to happen. It was like Tuck Everlasting, except she was able to kill herself whenever she wanted. So I guess it was pretty much like a suicide. [Read more →]
There are times in a person’s life when a person simply does not know what to do. “Maybe I should just die,” a person might think. “Nothing matters anyway and I offer little to nothing to the rest of humanity. At worst I am a drain and at best, a slightly smaller drain.”
While this is true, there are certainly a few things a person can do to pass the time before their inevitable and welcomed death. [Read more →]
There is a type of music that holds much appeal to the rural working person, also known as the people of the soil. It is called “country” music, exemplified by the likes of such classic performers as those who appeared on the television program “Hee Haw,” and of Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson. To be honest, this type of music is not my forte; my tastes tend toward whatever is being played in Starbucks, although I did purchase the Taylor Swift CD after Ken Tucker gave it a positive review on “Fresh Air” with Terry Gross.
The first time I popped that CD into the player, I was surprised at the reaction it received from my poodle bitch. She is a quite refined and at times aloof dog, yet she seemed enchanted by the melodies. She listens to it quite often now. [Read more →]
I was told that Lieutenant Edwin Fay was thrilled with being a naval intelligence officer back in 1964. James Bond-mania was in full swing and Fay was a big fan of the novels and films.
Fay was pleased to learn that his true-life hero, the late President John F. Kennedy, a World War II naval officer, was also a fan of the novels and once dined with Bond’s creator, Ian Fleming. [Read more →]
The old train sputtered at such a slow speed that a fast walker could’ve easily overtaken it. Inside one of the cars, a tall, frail man with a ghost-like complexion looked around and noticed that the only passengers remaining were others just like him — men half-alive — men taking their final journey. He almost expected Charon to walk through the door and lead them the rest of the way. He even reached into his pocket for a one-heller coin, just in case. [Read more →]
Early in the morning a police car sped through our nation’s capital with its sirens blaring. A casual observer might’ve believed that it was in pursuit of some local miscreant; that is, until this observer could see that a car was actually pursuing it — a dark sedan, from which men were shooting intermittently. [Read more →]
It was during the first hour of 2010 that I resolved to visit my friend Monty Gelstein in the hospital as often as possible. He won’t know I’m there, but I will. And hopefully that good karma will assuage the guilt I feel for putting him there in the first place. I’d never administered electroshock therapy and should have practiced a bit before treating my best friend. [Read more →]
When the phone rang at 3:30 this morning, my first reaction was to throw it at the wall. Then I realized that a phone call in the middle of the night, just a few hours removed from an embarrassment of Thanksgiving gluttony, could only signal tragedy.
“Dude, we’re fucked! We’re all going to die!”
It was my friend Monty Gelstein, a bit of a paranoid but not usually one to declare an emergency.
“Good,” I said. “Is it the giant asteroid?”
“I’m serious, man! I think the turkeys were poisoned!”
“Yeah, well, I’m a vegetarian, so …” [Read more →]
These hands are stony patient hands
Not sedimentary stone, laid bit on cautious bit by the langourous
No, these hands lived hot and liquid happy
Not knowing they were hands; ignorant and igneous
Till the ceiling broke and they learned up
And they learned cold.
And they knew hard.
And learned that they were hands, pick-handle raw
And learned to roll a cigarette
With no paper or fill
Nor lips to puff or lungs to burn.
They learned to rest and ache and split.
And hold another hand, though callous numbed.
They learned early and they learned coffee.
And dug and dug a mile down or two.
And said finally, this grave ain’t deep but we are through digging.
While the execution of terrorist Canada geese continues in New York City, a planned execution of the birds was recently approved by the City Council in Rochester, Indiana, according to a story in the Rochester Sentinel. Allegedly, Canada geese are a threat to golfers, and the course itself, at the Round Barn Golf Club at Mill Creek. So, with the blessing of city officials in hand, club pro Lyle Lingenfelter plans to have police officers shoot the terrorist geese. What Lingenfelter and the cops don’t know is that a quartet of golfing animal rights activists is planning to thwart the execution. [Read more →]