Archive of 'going parental'
Subscribe to RSS
Posted on March 4th, 2010 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
As you’re sitting in your office/cubicle right now, I am in Orlando, Florida — traipsing around Disney World trying to find Ariel in her stupid Grotto. What the hell is a Grotto, anyway? I had to google that shit so when I actually arrived on the “Disney Campus,” I sounded like I knew what I was talking about when I asked where to find that red-headed bimbo. I actually Wikipedia’d that shit so a bunch of wanna-be actors in costumes with over-sized craniums wouldn’t think that I was an idiot. So sad.
[Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental, travel & foreign lands
8 Comments »
Posted on February 25th, 2010 at 9:25 am by Jaclyn Roth
Is it me, or were snow days way more fun when we were kids? Now? Not so much.
I remember being a kid, growing up in Rockland County, NY — ya know, the place that gets all the snow the city hears about. We averaged 6 inches every time it snowed, at least — and that was nothing. I remember waking up at 6 in the morning on snow days — earlier than I ever woke up, including these days — just to turn on RKO radio — the AM station every kid gathered around the radio to listen to, fingers crossed, praying to hear their school’s name called out during the list of cancellations. Man, those were the days. Nothing beat a snow day… as a kid. As a parent? Fuck. That. Shit. [Read more →]
Tags: environment & nature, family & parenting, going parental
4 Comments »
Posted on February 11th, 2010 at 3:59 pm by Jaclyn Roth
I generally tend to go off in my blogs. I love picking on parents, their kids and all the stupid things they do both together and on their own. I guess I just have a knack for being obnoxious and judgmental — even though ironically, up until I had a kid, I didn’t think I was remotely judgmental. Now? Pshht. I totally am. It’s impossible not to be when it comes to parenting. It’s like the minute you squeeze out that kid, you start looking around at other people and their kids and think to yourself, “I can’t believe that mother is letting her son stand on top of the monkey bars. What a reckless moron.” It just happens. Just like your boobs become all engorged with milk whether you’re going to breast feed or not — the minute you have a kid, you instantly start thinking everyone else around you is doing something wrong. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
5 Comments »
Posted on February 4th, 2010 at 1:34 pm by Jaclyn Roth
Apparently, early childhood testing is becoming more and more common. This article in New York Magazine is a must read for anyone with children. Whether you plan on enrolling your kids in private school or not, it’s an incredibly insightful and interesting look inside the world of testing children at a young age and the implications of allowing those tests to further determine the future of these kids. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
6 Comments »
Posted on January 28th, 2010 at 12:28 pm by Jaclyn Roth
What? That’s not normal? Apparently, to Lynn Middlebrooks Geter, it is. She forced her son to kill his hamster as punishment for receiving poor grades in school. What happened to time outs? Or no Play Station for a week? Kill your hamster? Really? I wonder at what point Lynn’s head imploded and she thought to herself, “I know. I’ll make the little bastard kill his hamster with a hammer. That’ll teach him to fail social studies!” [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
9 Comments »
Posted on January 14th, 2010 at 12:58 pm by Jaclyn Roth
What kind of a parent does their kids’ homework for them? Like, actually does it for them, not helps. It seems to be an ongoing struggle for parents these days. I read an interesting piece by Sue Shellenbarger on The Juggle last week. I guess it’s kind of like this whole Keeping Up with the Steins mentality. Parents want their children to succeed, and heaven forbid they aren’t holding their own against their peers. So one parent starts and another gets wind of it and before you know it, you’ve got a bunch of 40-year-olds sitting at the kitchen table with rubber cement, a shoe box, modeling clay and construction paper — while their kids are in the den playing Grand Theft Auto on PS3. Yeah. That’ll get ‘em into college. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
5 Comments »
Posted on January 7th, 2010 at 2:01 pm by Jaclyn Roth
Up until a few weeks ago we had a Safety 1st Grip ‘n Twist Door Knob Cover on my 3-year-old’s doorknob so she couldn’t get out of her room at night. For me, it was the fear of her roaming around our apartment in the middle of the night and hurting herself, opening the front door, finding her way to the knife drawer — normal things we parents worry about — that led me to put it on her door. Once we put her in a bed, the thought of her having free rein in our apartment caused me complete anxiety. I’m Jewish, what do you want from me? [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
13 Comments »
Posted on December 24th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
I wrote a blog last year that centered around growing up as a Jewish kid during Christmas and how to now handle my daughter during this time of year. You can read it here. I used to think it was pretty funny; I kept it light and to the point. But now I don’t think it’s that funny. I’ve been finding people’s assumption that saying “Merry Christmas” to everyone is totally normal and acceptable to be pretty fucking presumptuous and rude. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
7 Comments »
Posted on December 10th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
My daughter is 3 1/2 years old. Although you would never know it now, she was a late talker. By late, of course, I mean that at 1 1/2 she was only saying a few words, ya know the way most 1 1/2-year-olds are. My girlfriend works for the Early Intervention program so when she saw my daughter having fits and struggling to express herself, she immediately had her evaluated for speech therapy, which she qualified for. To not have her evaluated would have been like a dentist letting his teenage son walk around with an overbite and a snaggle-tooth. There’s nothing to talk about. You slap braces on that kid’s ugly mouth. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
8 Comments »
Posted on December 3rd, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
I apologize for my absence these past couple of weeks. I vow here and now to be present and accounted for every Thursday, from this day forth. No more random, unexplained disappearances. I’ve experienced too many of those this week, and so in my own small way I’ve decided to show up. Every Thursday, as previously promised, I will be here. I will show up.
I want so badly to be able to bitch and moan about some mindless act of parenting that makes me mental and irate in order to garner laughter and prove my innate ability to turn everything into a joke. But I am struggling in a way that is unfamiliar to me. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
2 Comments »
Posted on November 12th, 2009 at 12:22 pm by Jaclyn Roth
I recently wrote a post about my three-year-old daughter and her new found love of torturing me. She’s a smart, sassy little girl with an attitude that, at times, stops me in my tracks. It’s hard to fault her for something she most likely inherited from me. Plus, she’s ridiculously funny — like she gets-the-joke kind of funny. But lately, the cute and funny part of her is taking a backseat to a whining, screaming child — and the cause of these outbursts? Getting dressed. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
2 Comments »
Posted on November 5th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
Indeed she does. Ladies and Gentleman, allow me to present Totally Stylin Tattoo Barbie! Thanks Mattel. My three-year-old definitely needs this toy. It’s an awesome idea — giving her ways to express herself creatively via mock-mutilating herself and Barbie? Genius. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
2 Comments »
Posted on October 29th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
The reality show Survivor has a great little tag line, “Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.” The person who is able to accomplish all three of these things at the end of the show wins a million dollars. Pretty awesome, right? My three-year-old daughter would kick ass in that game. They’d never see her coming. I imagine it would go a little something like this:
“Ohhh look at that gorgeous little girl with the blond hair and big eyes. What a sweet smile you have. Aren’t you just the cutest little thing?! Hey wait a minute, how the hell did I end up on the floor — hogtied, with you standing on my back pumping your fists in victory? What just happened?!”
I’ll tell ya how. She just outwitted, outplayed and outlasted your ass. Welcome to my world. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
6 Comments »
Posted on October 15th, 2009 at 12:26 pm by Jaclyn Roth
I’m not going to sit here and reiterate the blog I wrote back in July about kids watching TV, specifically Noggin, which for the record is no longer Noggin. Now it’s Nick Jr., for real. What the hell? They can just drop the name of a network overnight? A little warning would have been nice. I nearly had a panic attack searching for Noggin on September 28, 2009 — a Monday, no less. Like I don’t have enough problems on Monday morning, now I had to deal with this shit? Not a very nice way to start the week. 
[Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
2 Comments »
Posted on October 8th, 2009 at 12:05 pm by Jaclyn Roth
My girlfriend (partner, wife, etc.) and I have been together for seven years. We have a three-year-old daughter that was conceived using an anonymous donor through a cryobank. She is a happy, well adjusted kid who attends pre-school on a daily basis. The children in her class happen to be absolute sweethearts and we have been very lucky thus far with the reaction we received from her teachers and the parents of her classmates when they found out we were a two-mom house. Not a single person seemed phased. Living in NY affords us that luxury. I mean, it’s New York. We’ve got Broadway and Chelsea — two of the gayest places on the planet. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
14 Comments »
Posted on October 1st, 2009 at 4:33 pm by Jaclyn Roth
This is for real. This actually happened. A woman adopted a little boy, and then terminated the adoption after 18 months, claiming she couldn’t bond with the child. Seriously? That’s even allowed? [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
6 Comments »
Posted on September 24th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
I’ve been taking photos of my daughter non-stop since the moment she was born. I have always loved photography and I happen to have a pretty cute kid that loves the camera. Her first bath is on video, as well as captured by still photographs. Who knew that what I was doing could have led to her being taken away from me? [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
18 Comments »
Posted on September 17th, 2009 at 12:37 pm by Jaclyn Roth
This is the second time I’ve read about a stranger hitting someone else’s kid in less than two weeks. What is going on? Maybe too many people are reading my blogs and taking them too seriously. I’m only kidding (sort of) when I say I’ll slap your kids around if you wont parent them or if they hurt my kid. Apparently Gloria Ballard thought it was fine to spank another woman’s son after the two-year-old baby boy said something that annoyed her.
Is this bitch for real? Lady, you’re lucky this went down in Cincinnati, because if that were my kid, your ass would be in the hospital, not jail. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
7 Comments »
Posted on August 27th, 2009 at 12:27 pm by Jaclyn Roth
I received a ton of feedback on last week’s blog about music, your car and your kids. As a result, I thought I’d approach the topic from a different perspective. I am all about exposing my daughter to all kinds of music. I think music is instrumental in a child’s development. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
12 Comments »
Posted on August 20th, 2009 at 12:31 pm by Jaclyn Roth
Music has always been a very big part of my life. I grew up in a house where music was on in every room. Standards like The Beatles, The Bee Gees, The Carpenters, Simon and Garfunkel, and yeah there was some Neil Diamond in the mix too were a part of our daily routine. I’m not gonna lie, I knew all the words to America. Go ahead and laugh. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
8 Comments »
Posted on August 13th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
OK. I’m back. Crude, obnoxious, hating you, your kids and the way you parent. Happy? Fantastic. Clearly you weren’t digging my serious blog last week as I only received two comments. TWO comments. That’s a record low for me. Pathetic. Just goes to show you guys don’t want to hear about the ugly scary truths of life, but rather the senseless judgemental rants I have to offer. I am here to happily oblige. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
17 Comments »
Posted on August 6th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
This week I’ve put my scheduled column aside and have decided to write about the crash on the Taconic State Parkway. I’ll give a very brief synopsis as I’m sure most of you know by now. A woman went the wrong way on the Taconic State Parkway in New York while driving a mini-van full of young kids (two kids of her own and three nieces) and crashed into another car carrying three people. Everyone died except the woman’s son, who was hospitalized. Turns out she had a belly full of alcohol and was stoned. They’re calling it Westchester’s worst accident in 75 years. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
3 Comments »
Posted on July 30th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
This morning I woke up to find my daughter sitting at the kitchen table in her bikini, dipping mini marshmallows in maple syrup. No, she wasn’t alone. She didn’t get up and do something cute like fix herself breakfast. Grandma did! [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
6 Comments »
Posted on July 23rd, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
In keeping with tradition, here’s a nugget of information about me: I don’t wanna have a play date. I am formally announcing my withdrawal from this hideous tradition. Now it’s one thing to get together with my friends and let our kids kill each other while we suck down Bellini’s and talk about college and all the dumb shit we did. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
9 Comments »
Posted on July 16th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
I grew up in a house where TV was a non-issue. If we wanted to watch TV, we watched. If we wanted to go outside and try to light ants on fire with a magnifying glass, then we did that instead. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
9 Comments »
Posted on July 9th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
Here’s the gist: I have a potty mouth. No denying it. I drop F-bombs and A-bombs like they’re going out of style. Most of the time I manage to earmuff my daughter or at the very least, wait for her to leave the room. I’m an adult, I can say what I want. But I don’t want my daughter running around cursing or even worse, teaching her friends to curse. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
8 Comments »
Posted on July 2nd, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
I’m going to try to keep today’s post light, but it is with a somewhat heavy heart that I write today. My grandmother (Baba, as she is known to us) fell down the stairs the other night and is in the hospital with broken ribs, bruises from head to toe and the looming fear of pneumonia. She suffers from dementia and so she often goes in and out of lucidity. The fact that she mainly speaks Yiddish makes for an interesting dynamic between her, the doctors and the nurses. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
5 Comments »
Posted on June 25th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
As promised in an earlier post I’m going to start each blog with a random personal fact about myself. Here goes: I hate taking my daughter to parks; public parks, private parks, hell even your backyard swing-set makes me mental. You know why? [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
4 Comments »
Posted on June 19th, 2009 at 9:30 am by Jaclyn Roth
When it comes to “Going Parental,” I will spend most of my time ranting about parenting, my kids, your kids, the way you parent and how much I hate it, and the inevitable damage we are doing to our children. Those are the obvious things. However, every once in a while, I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on the little things… those small and almost transparent moments that make it all worth it in the end. [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
5 Comments »
Posted on June 18th, 2009 at 12:00 pm by Jaclyn Roth
I think that every week I’m going to start with a random fact about me. It’s totally narcissistic and self-indulgent, but I will try to keep it entertaining. So here it is: I’m not one of those people that will ever end up with one of those hideous Family Stickers on their back windshield. It’s just not me. I imagine if they were to design a mom-type-scenario that really represented what I’ve got going on, it would come out looking something like this: [Read more →]
Tags: family & parenting, going parental
8 Comments »
