In honor of Mother’s Day, top ten worst pieces of advice my mother gave me
10. When I was young, my mother said I could be anything I wanted to be and that the sky was the limit – which is why I gave up on my dream of becoming an astronaut.
9. My mother always taught me to fight fire with fire – eventually leading to my being booted off our local volunteer fire department.
8. My mother always advised me to quit while I was ahead – and to this day I’ve never won a race.
7. My mother said I should never run away from my problems, and once my problem was I was being chased by a bear.
6. My mother always told me, “You can’t blame a guy for trying,” but the police totally disagreed when they arrested me for attempted murder.
5. My mother told me that sixty was the new thirty – so now I have a one-year suspension on my driver’s license.
4. My mother always said that, when I grew up, I could be anybody I wanted to be – leading to my being arrested for identity theft.
3. My mother told me to always give 100% – which is why I nearly died at last year’s blood drive.
2. My mother said my life goal should be to light up the room wherever I go – and now I’ve been charged with arson.
1. I told my mother, “When I grow up I want to be a man,” and she replied, “Don’t be silly, you can’t do both!”
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
