By now, this article has been completely ripped apart, picked apart, debated, agreed with and utterly denounced. At this point I’ve read “All Joy And No Fun: Why Parents Hate Parenting,” and I have to say — what a total piece of shit.

I don’t know anything about the writer and to be honest I made no attempt at learning a thing about her because I wouldn’t waste my time.

Listen — you don’t want to have kids? More power to you. But those of you who go out there, get married and have kids — and then blame all of your problems on the fact that you had kids — are total assholes. You’re selfish, ego-maniacal douchebags. And deep down, I think you know it. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental, trusted media & news
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Becoming a mother was a life-changing experience for me. And not in the super fake, “parenthood is magical, it is a gift, a miracle and yes, I am over the moon and my child is the most beautiful, sweet, magical baby in the world” kind of way. (Yes, I’m talking to you, Bethenny Frankel, even though I love you and the housewives.) Rather, motherhood changed my life in that it completely shifted the way I perceived other women.

[Read more →]

Tags: advice, family & parenting
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‘Tis the season to go to amusement parks and scare ourselves silly with ridiculous roller coaster drops and rides that spin around so fast your face gets spread out like a pancake. I love rides and have never met one that I wouldn’t try. In fact, on my very first date with my husband we went to a fair and I wanted to go on the Zipper so bad that I told him I would go on without him. I thought he was just being a wussy. Well, he sucked up his lack of excitement for the ride and went on it with me. Later that night, when his pounding headache was too much to hide, he explained that during a childhood accident his left ear drum shattered, leaving him with poor equilibrium (and no hearing in that ear) — he isn’t allowed to scuba dive, etc. Have you ever seen the Zipper? This isn’t a ride for someone with poor equilibrium. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, family & parenting
2 Comments »

On Saturday I was walking with my 7-year-old son in the parking lot of a pool club. On the gravel-grass hill was a small purse, not really a purse but a small vinyl bag with a zipper. It looked a little like a pencil case kids use in school and was brown and had a paisley pattern. It is the sort of thing one brings to a pool when one doesn’t want to bring a pocketbook. My arms were full with pool gear, so I told my son to pick it up. [Read more →]

Tags: books & writing, family & parenting
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CSPI has threatened to sue McDonald’s if it doesn’t stop offering toys with its Happy Meals. According to CNN:

“McDonald’s is the stranger in the playground handing out candy to children,” CSPI’s litigation director, Stephen Gardner, said in a prepared statement. “It’s a creepy and predatory practice that warrants an injunction.”

That CSPI has a “litigation director” tells you most of what you need to know about the organization. That it compares a business to a child molester — for offering a free toy with its chicken nuggets — tells you the rest. [Read more →]

Tags: Pitney patrol, family & parenting, recipes & food
3 Comments »

10. They gave you a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug, but they crossed out ‘Greatest’ and wrote in ‘Largest.’

9. They’ve sent several anonymous letters to the Arizona legislature concerning your immigration status.

8. They save the term ‘Daddy’ for the FedEx guy.

7. They bought you a toaster and claim it’s “shower safe.”

6. They bought you a recently caught Gulf Coast trout.

5. Their nickname for you is ‘The Sperm Donor’.

4. They tell everyone they’re adopted, and their real dad is a homeless alcoholic.

3. They bought their mother The Big Book of Divorce Attorneys.

2. They keep telling neighborhood gangs you have the ability to catch bullets with your bare hands.

1. For Father’s Day, they gave you a Do-It-Yourself Vasectomy Kit.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, family & parenting
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I’m all for keeping eight-year-olds from seeing porn online. I am the father of an almost-eight-year-old and I don’t want him seeing porn online or anywhere else, because he’s eight. But “‘Epidemic’ growth of Net porn” in the Washington Times is a ludicrous article. At least this part is: 

“When a child sees this image of adult pornography, the mirror neurons that are in their brain will convince them that they are actually experiencing what they are seeing,” she said.

Children are very vulnerable as compared to adults because of the presence of mirror neurons in the brain, Dr. Cooper said. Mirror neurons are part of the brain that convince us that when we see something we are actually experiencing it.

[Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, family & parenting
5 Comments »

It’s been windy every day since I moved into this little lavender house. The tiny tree in the backyard bangs on my bedroom wall all day with its one stretchy awkward branch. It is clearly reaching out and growing crooked to drive me nuts. The old house is gone, sold, and I didn’t think to pack tree-trimming tools.

No cable and no wifi has left me a lot of time with my thoughts. This must be what life was like in the old timey days. I should be reading or painting the walls or writing a frigging book, or at the very least unpacking. But, I can’t seem to wrap my mind around anything for more than a moment. Everyone wants to know how the new house is and I say it’s great. And I say I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine. And I’m not fine. And, of course, I am essentially, because I actually believe that I will be eventually. But, for now, I cry a lot. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, family & parenting
2 Comments »

A lot of my friends have been complaining to me about their husbands lately. The stories all sort of blur together and it seems as though most of them (the husbands in question) do the same dumb shit. Now — we all know I don’t have a husband. And for those of you who didn’t know that bit of information – now you do. So you may wonder what qualifies me to even create such a top ten. It’s simple — for all intents and purposes, I am a wife and I have a wife — I’m the perfect person for the job. [Read more →]

Tags: advice, family & parenting, going parental
9 Comments »

A 27-year-old woman pregnant with her fifth child walks into a Catholic hospital on the verge of death. At 11 weeks into her pregnancy she is told that the baby must be aborted or they will both surely die. The hospital administrator, a nun, is forced to make a fast and life-changing decision. She allows the abortion to take place in order to save the mother’s life. When Bishop Thomas J. Olmsted caught wind of what had happened, he declared that she was instantly excommunicated, claiming “you can’t do evil, to bring about good.”

I’m having a hard time focusing on which part of this story bothers me the most. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that at 27, this woman is pregnant with her fifth child, or that the nun who OK’d the medical procedure to save the woman’s life was excommunicated from the church — instantly — while it is a known fact that not a single priest credibly accused of molesting children has ever been excommunicated. Her actions saved a woman’s life — a mother of four. While the accused Priests’ actions have destroyed thousands.

Tags: family & parenting, going parental, religion & philosophy
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Children lie. Not all the time, and not all children. But many experiment with what lies they can get away with. Really, it is when they are children that they learn the differences between right and wrong. Between white lies and something much, much worse — and that not only are there consequences for their actions but also, that the things they do affect other people. Well, what do you do when an 8-year-old girl accuses a 10 and an 11-year-old boy of rape? [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, on the law
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This has potential to be a touchy subject. Anyone out there with a kid or a pet is guilty of over-texting photos of said children to friends and family. I do not purport to be innocent of this heinous and irritating crime. I do, however, try to capture moments that are funny or extraordinarily cute if it’s an image I plan to send. Here’s an example of what I consider text-worthy:

[Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental, technology
6 Comments »

Today is Mother’s Day, and what better way to celebrate my mom than by comparing her to others who fall short? Here are five famous (or infamous) mothers whose DNA I am grateful I do not share. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, family & parenting
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Many of you may not know this, but today is Mother’s Day. “What is this ‘Mother’s Day that you speak of?” you may ask. Well, let me tell you.

Mother’s Day has its roots in Ancient Greece which had a “festival to Cybele, a great mother of Greek gods.” (Encyclopædia Britannica (1959) Vol.15, p. 849). Just as a side note, that was quoted from Wikipedia and not off the top of my head. It’s not like I know EVERYTHING. So anyway, the Greeks invented it and, their current economic decisions notwithstanding, it was a good call for a number of reasons. Mother’s Day is the number one day to dine out in the US. That means that the Golden Corral/Western Sizzlin’/or some other trough feeding frenzy establishment in NC will be even busier than usual. According to the aforementioned Oracle of Knowledge (wiki), Americans will spend about 2 and a half billion (with a B) dollars on flowers and more than 1 and a half billion (with a B) on gifts like spa treatments. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting
1 Comment »

My son came home the other night and said Ms. Joanne (his pre-school teacher) taught him a new song. He started to sing. My husband almost had a coronary. You see, Ms. Joanne taught him the Mets theme song, “Meet the Mets.” I thought it was funny. My husband looked like someone had just stabbed him in the heart. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, sports
7 Comments »

Larry Greene, a NYC man, was arraigned this past Wednesday on a second-degree murder charge after fatally punching his 7-month-old son. SEVEN. MONTHS. OLD. “Toughen up!” That’s what he yelled as he struck this tiny, crying, helpless child. He could face 25 years to life in prison if convicted. If convicted? He admitted to doing it. And do you know why he said he did it? According to The Inquisitr he (allegedly) told investigators that “he was jealous because the infant was more attached to the mother than to him.” Raise your hand if you have deep-seeded mommy issues! Come on, Larry. Let’s see that hand you sick bastard. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental
3 Comments »

Pedophiles across the UK today mourned the loss of the Paedo bikini as it was removed from the shelves of discount clothing store Primark. Padded bikini tops for kids as young as seven? Really? That’s just disgusting. What is wrong with people? Why would anyone in their right mind want to sexualize a child by helping them appear busty at the age of seven? SEVEN! I’m glad Primark succumbed to the pressure to remove the bikinis, but really? How about a knee to the nuts of the company that manufactured them in the first place? Oh, to be a fly on the wall of the conference room where these sick bastards brainstormed ways to market this disgusting product. I wonder how many of them, if any, have daughters. Douche bags.

Tags: family & parenting, fashion & clothing
2 Comments »

Over the last ten years at least 36 USA Team swimming coaches have been banned for life from the USA swimming organization. Not, to the best of my knowledge, convicted in the court of law — and not doing hard time for their crimes — just simply banned for life from coaching the USA Swim Team. Their crime? Allegedly molesting and secretly taping teen girls in locker rooms while the girls changed and showered. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, sports
1 Comment »

I have a few very close friends that are pregnant right now. They are all actually due very soon; one in a few weeks, one in a month and another at the end of the Summer. I’m totally envious of them — not like jealous envious — just excited and overwhelmed for them and what they’re about to experience. I loved being pregnant. I know it’s hard for some people to believe, but despite the fact that I’m a foul mouthed, relatively too-cool-to-be-emotional kind of girl, I was completely in awe of the fact that a baby was growing inside of my body. I was a full blown Gaylord when it came to my pregnancy. I even made myself sick. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental
6 Comments »

I’ve mentioned Lenore Skenazy once or twice before in my column. She’s an author, a columnist, a blogger and a mom who let her kid ride the subway by himself at the age of 9. Quick! Everybody gasp in horror. Her website Free-Range Kids is a must read/browse/love/hate – whatever – if you’re a parent, you have to check it out. Parents today are so afraid of losing their children at the park, the mall, whatever — that they’ve taken to literally attaching tracking devices to their children’s feet. Sensational Beginnings even makes it look cute and fuzzy so the kids will go for it.

[Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental
3 Comments »

It’s been a while since I’ve had time to write. I finally got a new job and being busy is a welcomed burden. When thinking about what I wanted to share with my friends who read WFTC, the unfolding of spring flowers and budding trees quickly lured me. I penned some flowery — all pun intended — prose about time change and season change and blah, blah, blah. I almost sounded bright-eyed and dreamy.

Thank God for cousins, co-workers, ice skates, and babies. I want to talk about parenting. [Read more →]

Tags: diatribes, family & parenting
3 Comments »

On Sunday my wife was in a very bad car accident. My son was in the car with her. Don’t be alarmed. They both seem to be okay. I say seem only because I know that when I was in a pretty bad collision about seven years ago, I thought I was fine until a few days later, when the whiplash and disc damage began to make themselves known. Another story for another time.

On Sunday, my wife used my car (her car needed gas and she didn’t have time to stop) to drive my son to a friend’s birthday party. I was not attending. Just a minute after she left, the phone rang. I answered.

“Your car is totaled.” [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, money
2 Comments »

Yup. You read it correctly. Some wasted asshole actually put his baby in an oven and left him there overnight. Talk about giving new meaning to the phrase “bun in the oven.” Congratulations, Larry Long — you are officially our daddy douche of the week. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental, on the law
1 Comment »

As you’re sitting in your office/cubicle right now, I am in Orlando, Florida — traipsing around Disney World trying to find Ariel in her stupid Grotto. What the hell is a Grotto, anyway? I had to google that shit so when I actually arrived on the “Disney Campus,” I sounded like I knew what I was talking about when I asked where to find that red-headed bimbo. I actually Wikipedia’d that shit so a bunch of wanna-be actors in costumes with over-sized craniums wouldn’t think that I  was an idiot. So sad.

[Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental, travel & foreign lands
8 Comments »

Is it me, or were snow days way more fun when we were kids? Now? Not so much.

I remember being a kid, growing up in Rockland County, NY — ya know, the place that gets all the snow the city hears about. We averaged 6 inches every time it snowed, at least — and that was nothing. I remember waking up at 6 in the morning on snow days — earlier than I ever  woke up, including these days — just to turn on RKO radio — the AM station every kid gathered around the radio to listen to, fingers crossed, praying to hear their school’s name called out during the list of cancellations. Man, those were the days. Nothing beat a snow day… as a kid. As a parent? Fuck. That. Shit. [Read more →]

Tags: environment & nature, family & parenting, going parental
4 Comments »

The headline from Salon.com reads “Tweeting an abortion: A blogger takes to Twitter and YouTube as she terminates her pregnancy, and women should thank her.”

Now, I’ll be honest.  When I saw that, I had a mental image similar to that of the piece’s author (Tracey Clark-Flory), that of a woman laying there on the rock slab as they fired up the Dust-Buster and started vacuuming out her fallopian tubes.  But it’s not quite “all that and a bag of chips.”

[Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, health & medical
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I understand that children can’t be sheltered forever and that they have to learn how things work in this world… even if those things are, on some level, disturbing. But what is the appropriate way to teach a kid about those things? Is it the way Headmistress, Mrs. Charman, chose to teach her kids where meat comes from? She had her students raise a lamb from birth; taught her kids to care for it, bottle-feed it, love it, and even named it Marcus — and then sent it off to be slaughtered.

[Read more →]

Tags: animals, family & parenting
5 Comments »

I generally tend to go off in my blogs. I love picking on parents, their kids and all the stupid things they do both together and on their own. I guess I just have a knack for being obnoxious and judgmental — even though ironically, up until I had a kid, I didn’t think I was remotely judgmental. Now? Pshht. I totally am. It’s impossible not to be when it comes to parenting. It’s like the minute you squeeze out that kid, you start looking around at other people and their kids and think to yourself, “I can’t believe that mother is letting her son stand on top of the monkey bars. What a reckless moron.” It just happens. Just like your boobs become all engorged with milk whether you’re going to breast feed or not — the minute you have a kid, you instantly start thinking everyone else around you is doing something wrong. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental
5 Comments »

Learning is important. Without knowing her ABCs, Joshua Tabor’s 4-year-old daughter doesn’t have much of a chance to get ahead in life. Or learn how to spell. So why aren’t people commending Tabor’s efforts to stress the importance of education in his home? It could be because he and his girlfriend held his daughter’s head under water when she refused to say her ABCs. [Read more →]

Tags: education, family & parenting, on the law
2 Comments »

Apparently, early childhood testing is becoming more and more common. This article in New York Magazine is a must read for anyone with children. Whether you plan on enrolling your kids in private school or not, it’s an incredibly insightful and interesting look inside the world of testing children at a young age and the implications of allowing those tests to further determine the future of these kids. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental
6 Comments »