I just wrapped up the second episode of Gilmore Girls: A Year In the Life, and any fears I had about it being too cutesy are out the window. This is pretty good, guys.

Recap

In a move that should have happened about forty years ago, Lorelai and Emily go to therapy together. Turns out Emily is still pretty bitter about that whole Lorelai-getting-knocked-up-at-sixteen-then-running-away-from-home-and-only-coming-back-when-she-needed-money thing. Who knew? Emily then invites Luke to dinner, where she gives him the information he needs to purchase a life insurance policy and also drops the horrible news on him that Richard left him a large sum of money specifically earmarked for the expansion of Luke’s Diner into a multi-location franchise. Well Luke and Lorelai are just livid at this. Livid! Damn those Gilmores. Giving Luke a ton of money to expand and hiring the best real estate agent in town, all to ensure that their daughter and the man she has chosen to spend her life with are taken care of. What a bunch of assholes. Emily eventually gives up on therapy but Lorelai keeps going. Emily takes Luke to see some locations for the first location of the Luke’s Diner empire, which will be run by Cesar, apparently? Lord help those patrons. Oh, and Luke and Lorelai lie to each other so that can’t be good. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, television by Meg Boyle
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This week, people all over the country sat down to enjoy what many of us have been looking forward to for the better part of a year: No, not Thanksgiving, the return of Gilmore Girls on Netflix. The Girls are a divisive entity, like Brussels sprouts or the music of Nickelback—you either despise them ore you’re all in. I’ve been all in for the Gilmore Girls since about season 3 and it’s been a lonely road at times. Once, while spending two weeks at my parents’ house recovering from minor surgery, my father actually stood in front of the television and said “I love you, but I am begging you to turn this off.” Sometimes, he still wakes up from Gilmore-induced nightmares, shaking and screaming “NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT!!” [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, television by Meg Boyle
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10. When they were building the White House, they were “well fed”

9. They “had decent lodgings provided by the government”

8. Many of them got a free sea cruise before arriving in America

7. They didn’t have to pay income taxes

6. Their cramped overcrowded lodgings encouraged cameraderie

5. Frequently, owners would deign to have sex with them

4. Their situation led to the creation of many deeply moving Negro spirituals; which led to the creation of blues, jazz, and boogie-woogie; which led to the creation of rock and roll

3. Free on-the-job training

2. They got to spend time in our nation’s capital

1. They were finally safe from lions, hyenas, cheetahs and elephants
 

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In the course of a prolific career that traversed a wide variety of genre, British writer Arthur Conan Doyle created – for me, at least – three singular characters. Over time, those three have achieved varying degrees of popularity and shelf-presence.

I have read all of Doyle’s stories of detective Sherlock Holmes, and almost all his stories of Brigadier Etienne Gerard. In contrast, I have read only one of his Professor George Edward Challenger stories … but what a wonderful story it was! And I am not at all surprised that it provided much of the foundation for “Professor Challenger: New Worlds, Lost Places” a collection of short stories inspired by Doyle’s brilliant, headstrong and physical academician.
[Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, books & writing by Jeff McDonald
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10. Your performance has been described as “Sandler-esque”

9. Contestants on Bowling for Dollars aren’t eligible

8. Your show only appeared on YouTube, and starred Mr. Whiskers

7. You were a writer for Hollywood Game Night

6. Your pilot for Law & Order: U.S. Postal Inspection Service never made it to air

5. Your reality show is all about your family-operated business called Duck Commander

4. As a C.S.I. corpse, you were never given the opportunity to show your full range as an actor

3. Donald Trump is somehow involved

2. Outstanding Lead Actor in a Boner Pill Commercial isn’t a category

1. You’re a Kardashian
 

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The late Garry Marshall largely defined the sitcom (his creations include The Odd Couple, Happy Days, Mork & Mindy, Laverne & Shirley, and, er, Joanie Loves Chachi). Then, as was the fashion at the time, he graduated from the small screen to the big one and he made a series of films with premises that can only be described as deeply creepy… yet he directed them with a sitcom touch.

Indeed, he directed them with more of a sitcom touch than his own sitcoms usually displayed. (The Odd Couple in particular is timeless.) A number of his films involved the sexual exploitation of women — seriously, wait until you see the films — yet he refused to make downers.

Indeed, while he usually included a tear-jerking scene or two, these films were meant to be feel-good hits and, against all odds, some of them indeed were.

I present highlights of the filmography of Garry Marshall, who effortlessly distorted genres in a way Todd Solondz can only imagine.

(NOTE: These are the actual plots of Marshall’s actual movies. Really.)

[Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment by Sean Cunningham
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So Zeppelin won. A jury found that the group did not copy the chords in “Stairway to Heaven” from the band Spirit’s song “Taurus.” [Read more →]

Tags: music, virtual children by Scott Warnock by Scott Warnock
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10. Sin Dependence Day

9. Drop Your Pants and Fire a Rocket!

8. Red, White, and Very Blue

7. Seventeen Seventy-Sex

6. Porn on the Fourth of July

5. Time for Some Fireworks!

4. There’s a Barbecue in My Pants

3. The British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!

2. The Fourth of Julie

1. Yank My Doodle! It’s A Dandy!
 

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10. “Look, they got one of the Teletubbies to host!”

9. “I hope they show Laurie Metcalf hobbling Bruce Willis.”

8. “I mean, do they have to use the full title Shuffle Along, or, the Making of the Musical Sensation of 1921 and All That Followed every single time they mention it?”

7. “I only hope I live long enough to be included in that In Memoriam segment.”

6. “I hear they’re preparing another one of those jukebox musicals like Jersey Boys or Mama Mia! called Blame It On the Rain, based on the music of Milli Vanilli.”

5. “So Barbra Streisand was famous for something besides those Fockers movies?”

4. “I’d much prefer King Charles III to King Donald I.”

3. “I thought they already made King Donald I. It’s called American Psycho.”

2. “In what month is thing scheduled to end?”

1. “I was kinda disappointed in Hamilton, but then I thought it was going to be about Margaret Hamilton, who played the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Ox.”
 

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10. The Dogfather

9. Raiders of the Lost Shark

8. From Deer to Eternity

7. Deep Goat

6. The Manatee from U.N.C.L.E.

5. Not Without My Otter

4. The Karate Squid

3. Pig Trouble In Little China

2. The Bad News Grizzlies

1. Ferret Bueller’s Day Off
 

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10. He’s older than some of the relics he’s looking for

9. His fedora now has a chin strap

8. He’s going to carry a whip in one hand and a walking stick in the other

7. It opens with him trying to outrun a runaway shopping cart

6. In the second sequence, he comes across a jewel-encrusted hip replacement

5. There’s a fight to the death atop a Rascal scooter

4. They’re changing his name to Indiana Groans

3. They’re thinking of calling the film Raiders of the Lost Keys

2. Or Indiana Jones and the Temple of Coumadin

1. Or Indiana Jones and the…Wait, What Was I Searching For?
 

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10. “Excuse me, Miss. You dropped your implant.”

9. “The montage of dead actors at the Golden Globes is a good indication of who’ll still be dead tonight.”

8. “Explain to me again why Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! isn’t up for anything.”

7. “I heard Travolta’s date to this thing is Adele Dazeem!”

6. “How ironic that they’re holding the Oscars during Black History Month.”

5. “Hey, look! Charlene Theron’s arm grew back!”

4. “Damn! I had Paul Blart: Mall Cop in the Oscar pool.”

3. “I only hope I live long enough to be included in that In Memorium segment.”

2. “I love that new ‘anatomically correct’ Oscar; it’s so much easier to carry!”

1. “I really feel sorry for Stallone. First, they completely ignore his work in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, and now this!”
 

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10. Fast & Furious 8: Even Faster & Furiouser

9. Alvin and the Chipmunks 4: What a Load of Chip

8. Frozen 2: Another Batch of Earworms

7. Naked Gun 4: Where’s O.J.?

6. Schindler’s List 2: The Groceries

5. The Seventh Sense

4. Weekend at Bernie’s 3: What’s That Smell?

3. I Still Know What You Did the Summer Before Last

2. Star Wars 8: The Force Goes Back To Sleep Again

1. Rocky ?: Even We’ve Lost Count
 

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10. Don Knott’s It’s A Wonderful Fife!

9. America’s Funniest Home Nutcracker Videos

8. Chris Christie’s Twelve Days of Christmas Dinners

7. A Charlie Brownstein Hanukkah

6. Frostie the Puddle’s Global-Warming Denier’s Special

5. Gift Wrapping with the Stars

4. The 83rd Annual Leaving of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Out On The Curb

3. Miracle Whip on 34th Street

2. It’s A Wonderful Life for the One Percent

1. Donald Trump’s Me, the Son, and the Holy Ghost
 
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10. Mr. Wizard’s Home Lobotomy Kit

9. Gasp! – The Saran Wrap Game

8. Miss Piggy’s Big Bag O’ Pork

7. Black & Decker Silly Driller

6. Hello Kitty Tiki Torches

5. Easy Bake Microwave

4. Fontanelle Lawn Darts

3. Toddlers & Tiaras‘ Official You’re Never Too Young To Twerk Outfit

2. Fisher-Price Choking Hazard

1. The Chris Christie Home Stomach-Stapler
 

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10. The Brotherhood of the Traveling Jeans

9. Twelve Angry Women

8. Julia Caesar

7. My Fair Lord

6. The Third Woman

5. The African King

4. Aunt Vanya

3. Arnie Hall

2. The Godmother

1. Seven Husbands for Seven Sisters
 

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(Disclaimer: I have known Joshua nearly two decades and like him and his work enough for us to collaborate regularly, so if ye seek impartiality, look elsewhere. Let’s begin.)

When Joshua Scher has the New York launch of his first novel Here & There at Brooklyn’s POWERHOUSE Arena this Wednesday November 18 at 7pm, it will have taken over two years… since he finished the initial draft: “So much time that I actually had to go back and examine the ‘dates modified’ log to figure it out.” During that period, he went through “the finding the agent thing”, the “rewriting the book based on my agent’s edits” phase, the “finding a publisher” stage, the “going through the publisher’s round of edits” chapter, and the “copy edits” episode, with everything culminating in the “all the prep work for going to market” stretch.

Now that it’s finally unleashed on the world, how is it?

“When I opened up the box full of the first advance copies… I couldn’t stop smiling. For days. DAYS.” [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, books & writing by Sean Cunningham
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10. A Bridge Too Far – The Chris Christie Story

9. Frozen – Songs to Drive Your Parents Bonkers

8. Avatar – Smurfs in Space

7. The Expendables – Grumpy Old Men Armed to the Dentures

6. Inception – My Brain Just Broke

5. Herbie: The Love Bug – Emission: Impossible

4. Four Weddings and a Funeral – Five Tragedies

3. Dumb and Dumber – Barbara Bush’s Boys

2. The Theory of Everything – Look Who’s Hawking

1. 2001: A Space Odessey – Keir Dullea, Gone Tomorrow
 

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10. It suddenly occurred to them, he’s a friggin’ frog and she’s a friggin’ pig!!!!

9. The Muppets contract has a ‘no fraternization’ clause

8. Miss Piggy’s parents caught their daughter with a frog in her throat

7. It was only puppet love

6. Miss Piggy just felt that Kermit was too much of a “male chauvinist frog”

5. Kermit wanted to keep their lovemaking a secret, but every time they make love, she squeals

4. Miss Piggy said Kermit had to “put a ring on it,” and he said he couldn’t afford a ring that big

3. Kermit recently converted to Judaism, so has to keep kosher

2. Miss Piggy has a fear of kermitment

1. Kermit came across a copy of Miss Piggy’s X-ray, and was totally freaked out by the fact that it looked exactly like Frank Oz’s forearm and hand!!
 

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10. The fireworks are generated by a kid shuffling his feet on shag carpeting

9. At the end, the fireworks form a colorful image of a bespectacled Rick Perry

8. It’s just that guy from the Police Academy movies making fireworks noises with his mouth

7. The guy in charge of the fireworks has five fingers, total

6. Someone just clicks on his TV, then puts on a highlights reel from past fireworks displays

5. At the entrance to the venue, several personal injury attorneys have set up information booths

4. Instead of rousing patriotic music, all they play is Adele and Enya

3. The entire show is a pair of twins running around holding sparklers

2. Instead of actual fireworks, the emcee tells the audience to close their eyes and rub them with their palms

1. You notice the men lighting the fireworks display are wearing ISIS T-shirts

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