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Gail sees a movie: Alice in Wonderland

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“Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast,” says Alice (Mia Wasikowska) to the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp).  So have I. I believed that it would be impossible for Tim Burton to make a film of Alice in Wonderland that is: 1) not funny, 2) not dark,  3) not adult, 4) dull, even with the help of 3D effects, 5) heavy handed and 6) lacking in imagination. But, curiouser and curiouser, I was wrong. [Read more →]

movies

Top ten things overheard at last night’s Academy Awards

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10. “Is Sandra Bullock nominated for All About Steve?”

9. “I’m glad they made it ten Best Picture nominees; before, the show never seemed to drag enough.”

8. “Who’s up for Best Boy?”  [Read more →]

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Oscar night is all about Julia

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I am a Julia Child fanatic. I feel so cheated that she died before I had the chance to meet her and become her best friend (oh trust me, it would have happened!). Generally I couldn’t care less about the Oscars, but this year Julia is involved (albeit against her wishes). I will be preparing Julia’s Classic Roast Chicken to munch on while we watch the Oscars, followed by her most famous dessert, the Apple Tarte Tatin. Here are a few more of my favorite J.C. menu combinations and recipes.

Enjoy the Oscars tonight and Bon Appetit!

[Read more →]

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Hollywood does not reward originality

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Hollywood is not fair. Anyone who tells you that Hollywood is like a giant engine and the fuel is ideas, and the best ideas are like premium gasoline and if you have a great idea you can charge $3.45 a gallon is lying to you. I know he’s lying to you on account of I’ve seen Hollywood’s dark, rotting underbelly. I’ve seen it, and it’s just revolting.

[Read more →]

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Gail sees a movie: Crazy Heart

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Jeff Bridges gives a brilliant and captivating performance as Bad Blake, and makes us really care about this washed up country musician. The story is not new, but Bridges makes it feel fresh. The concert scenes are exciting, the story is engaging and the milieu feels authentic. It is not a great film, but it sure is good.  [Read more →]

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Top ten signs your film is not going to win an Academy Award

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10. It’s a heartwarming story about two senior citizens trying to figure out how to get their cable television to work

9. The actors were told, “Improvise! That way we don’t have to hire any writers”

8. The Motion Picture Association of America rated your film PG for “Particularly Ghastly” [Read more →]

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Avatar: The definitive interpretation

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So, James Cameron went on The View and finally revealed that Avatar was intended as a thinly-veiled vehicle for anti-corporate and environmentalist propaganda, confirming the suspicions of Republicans, mercenaries, and unobtainium miners everywhere. The funny thing is, even though he obviously wanted to send a very specific message, what the movie ends up meaning depends on one’s point of view. You might call it a reflecting pool, or a Rorschach inkblot test, in which everyone sees the confirmation of his or her political ideology in the story. Environmentalists might see it as glorifying the beauty and sanctity of nature and condemning man’s destructive and myopic exploitation of it. Socialists might revel in its message that living without money or trade is a more fulfilling and humane existence and that profit breeds violence and coercion. Doves might see it as challenging the military mindset and imperialist impulses of American culture. [Read more →]

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Gail sees a movie: The Wolfman

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“The beast will have its day,” warns Sir John Talbot (Anthony Hopkins) in The Wolfman.  Unfortunately, it is not a very interesting day, nor is it an improvement over the day the beast had back in 1941, when the original The Wolf Man, was released.  A remake of this story could have been original and exciting, but The Wolfman is neither. [Read more →]

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Gail sees a movie: Saint John of Las Vegas

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Putting two quirky characters in a car together for wacky adventures can be a winning formula. When you add in hilarious supporting performances, you should walk away from the tables a winner. But something is missing from Saint John of Las Vegas, and it is not just the city of Las Vegas.  Despite a few laughs, memorable characters and some good performances, this film is a loser.  [Read more →]

movies

Wherein my avatar reviews Avatar

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movies

Dear Roger Ebert, you are a heartless jerk

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Dear Roger Ebert,

Everyone suffers through the bittersweet pain of first love lost. Subsequent romances are never the same; are never remembered with quite the same quality of melancholic regret. Your first love is the only one to whom you can say things like “I will love you forever,” and not be lying just to get in her pants.

[Read more →]

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Gail sees a movie: An Education

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“Someone else might want to know the point of it all one day,” says teenage Jenny (Carey Mulligan) to the stuffy headmistress (Emma Thompson) at her school. For a young woman in 1961 England, the search for meaning yields no easy answers.  But this smartly written film doesn’t try to provide any. Instead, complex characters and wonderfully subtle performances make An Education something you both enjoy and think about long after you leave the theater. [Read more →]

movies

Happy Birthday to a film favorite — Ronald Colman

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Ronald Colman, award-winning actor of stage and cinema, radio and television — and one of my favorite stars of the cinema — was born on this day in 1891. Colman was a man of another time and another place than those we now know, but his performances continue to capture us and move us. Maybe it was his good looks … maybe it was his charm … maybe it was that voice of his, and his wonderful delivery, which served him so well when he made the move from silent films to ‘the talkies.’ Or maybe it was all of the above, brought together in one very special package.

[Read more →]

movies

Fun with sheep

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Shawn Macomber (who sometimes writes for WFTCposted the trailer for Black Sheep over at The American Spectator. The trailer made me laugh. Shawn discusses it in connection with a recent political ad that is critical of Tom Campbell. I hadn’t heard of the political ad, or of Tom Campbell. I don’t know which video is funnier, but I know which is more disturbing. Decide for yourself. Both videos are below. Also, calling the movie Black Sheep might be racist.

[Read more →]

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Gail sees a movie: Avatar

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Contrary to what I feared, I was not the last person in the United States to see the 3D IMAX version of Avatar. The theater was packed and Avatar continues to rule the box office. But for me, Avatar was a first — the first time I cried at a movie while wearing 3D glasses.  It will take me weeks to process that one. I knew the special effects were, as a friend of mine said, “game changers,” but I didn’t expect the moving story and first rate performances from lesser known actors. I know this film is manipulative, but it manipulated me so well that I didn’t resent it; I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.   [Read more →]

movies

Lick the pole!

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No, I didn’t title this post with the intention of drawing in thousands of innocent readers who typed “lick the pole” into their favorite search engine, but who meant “pole” metaphorically. My apologies. I’m talking about an actual pole. A tall, thin, metal, cylindrical pole planted in the ground. In this case, with a stop sign at the top.

Some kids must have recently seen A Christmas Story, because at my son’s bus stop this morning a boy called out to him, “Lick the pole!” [Read more →]

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Gail sees a movie: A Single Man

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“I never was very fond of waking up,” states George (Colin Firth) in a voiceover at the start of A Single Man.  If I were George, I would feel the same way. But when the subject of a film is the dreary life of a grieving and suicidal man, the film itself is sometimes a bit dreary, and in this case, slow. Despite a brilliant and nuanced performance from Colin Firth, and mostly strong supporting performances, A Single Man ultimately fails under the weight of poor direction and a script with too many holes. [Read more →]

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Gail sees a movie: Sherlock Holmes

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Robert Downey Jr. makes all of his films better and he certainly deserves his Golden Globe award. He has great chemistry with co-star Jude Law, and their scenes together are lots of fun.  And although I never thought of Sherlock Holmes as an action hero, the fight scenes are excellent. But a murky plot, mediocre direction, poorly written female characters and miscast actresses keep this film from being really good. It is mildly enjoyable, but I expected better. [Read more →]

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Gail sees a movie: It’s Complicated

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The Nancy Meyers fantasy of an almost 60-year-old women being pursued by two attractive men near her age is pretty simple and somewhat predictable. But how can you not like a film in which Meryl Streep (Jane) gets to say, “Turns out I’m a bit of a slut.” Oh yeah, and she gets to be a slut with Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. As unrealistic romantic comedies go, It’s Complicated isn’t, but it is a whole lot of fun, mostly due to the performances of the three leads. [Read more →]

movies

Avatar: how can something so dumb be so wonderful?

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Avatar is a movie everyone should see and no one should think about ever again. By “see”, I mean “watch in 3D on the biggest movie screen you can find.” (Avatar is the anti-Godfather, which demands to be viewed whenever you stumble upon it flipping channels no matter how many times you’ve seen it or how crappy your TV is.) And by “think about”, I mean “do not consider any non-visual aspect of the film.” Just remember there were blue things, they were cool, and that is all. [Read more →]

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Fan Boy Says: Family Guy requires a family

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Since the beginning I have claimed to be a Family Guy fan. And I suppose I still am. It’s fun to watch a show push boundaries and earn a fan base purely on cut-a-way gags. But, I was watching Family Guy in syndication and realized the following: I’ve never really liked this show; left to my own devices I’d never watch it; but I love being someone who watches Family Guy when I’m around other people. Yes, I realize this is fucked up. [Read more →]

movies

Gail sees a movie: Nine

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“Directing a movie is a very overrated job; we all know it. You just have to say yes or no; what else do you do? Yes, no, yes, no — that is directing,” Lilli (the always marvelous Judi Dench) tells Guido Contini (the always divine Daniel Day-Lewis). Well, yes–and no.  Director Rob Marshall’s yes and no choices are on larger than life display in Nine, in similar ways as they were in his 2002 Chicago.  Your feelings about Chicago may be a good predictor of your enjoyment of Nine.  I enjoyed both. Nine has a glamorous all star cast, and the hard work this bevy of beauties put into the musical numbers pays off here. Day Lewis is riveting, the story is one for adults, the production numbers are big and this film looks good. And despite some melancholy moments, Nine is a whole lot of fun. [Read more →]

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Gail sees a movie: Year End Awards

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As the closing credits roll for 2009, this column is two months shy of its year anniversary. In the spirit of the holidays and that almost anniversary, it is time to look back at the 41 movies Gail has seen and give out some awards. [Read more →]

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Myth in movies: Why “The Phantom Menace” is responsible for our current world crisis.

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I just watched what is quite possibly the most brilliant and hysterically funny movie review I’ve ever seen. This masterpiece critique was created by Mike of Red Letter Media and consists of seven parts that can all be viewed on YouTube. I highly recommend everyone viewing at least the first two parts of his videos, but it will not be necessary to understand what I’m about to say. His analysis brought to the forefront something that I’ve pushed down deep into my psyche for over ten years and am only now ready to release: The Phantom Menace is not only the biggest disappointment in movie history, it is also very likely completely responsible for screwing up our world’s history. [Read more →]

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Avatar and ideology

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I went to see James Cameron’s new film Avatar with my family yesterday. To call it a lot of fun seems almost unnecessary. It’d be better to offer a command than make a judgment: go check it out. I defy anyone who sees it on the big screen to deny the beauty of the locales, characters, spacecraft, and weaponry — all computer-generated, mind you — or the roller-coaster thrill of the battle scenes. It’s all directed and edited with precision and flair. As Dana Stevens wrote in her very apt Slate review, this is “a world so richly and specifically imagined that it’s thrilling just to dwell inside it.” And it culminates in a showdown that is immensely exciting and gratifying. [Read more →]

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Phantom Menace video review, part 2

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I posted the first video in this seven-parter yesterday. It focused on character. Part two, below, is about story. The comparison between the beginnings of the original Star Wars and The Phantom Menace and the discussion of pacing are worth the price of admission. You can find all seven parts of the video on YouTube.

from RedLetterMedia

 

movies

Gail sees a movie: Up in the Air

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If you have ever lost a job, or been close to someone who has, expect tears while watching Up in the Air. But you should also expect a smart, funny and insightful film.  Add George Clooney to that, and things are almost perfect. [Read more →]

movies

Funny review of The Phantom Menace — Part 1

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I just discovered this popular video critiquing the shitty first movie of the Star Wars prequel series, The Phantom Menace. The video has seven parts, about 10 minutes each. Since it totals 70 minutes, I am not going to post all seven videos, but I will post the first part and then follow it up tomorrow with the second part. Even though the movie came out years ago, I am posting these videos because 1) The Phantom Menace was really a terrible movie; 2) there are lessons here to be learned about storytelling and writing; and 3) the videos are entertaining. If you haven’t seen the movie or don’t know much about Star Wars, you should still be amused. Of course, you can watch all seven videos on YouTube whenever you want, but I’ll post the first couple here so our readers can discuss them.

from RedLetterMedia

movies

Monday morning links

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In Obama, Left Behind, Matt Welch writes: “[W]hen you project all your hopes, desires, and even fears onto a Rorschach test of a politician — whether Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, or otherwise — not only are you bound to be disappointed, you might just deserve it, too.”

In Avatarocious, John Podhoretz writes: “The real question is this: If Avatar were drawn like a regular cartoon, or had been made on soundstages with sets and the like, would it be interesting? Would it hold our attention? The answer is, unquestionably no.”

movies

Most retardedly cynical movie merchandise tie-in ever

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You’re a studio exec and you have a little movie about Sherlock Holmes directed by Guy Ritchie (coming off the hat trick from hell of RockNRolla, Swept Away, and Revolver), and suddenly it dawns on you, “This stars Robert Downey Jr.” You know, Iron Man! The guy who made blackface cool again in Tropic Thunder! Clearly this is something that can be exploited. So you give the flick a big Christmas release and then start exploring product tie-ins…which is tough because it’s set in Victorian England and the only logical pairing is with Arthur Treacher’s Fish & Chips (plus possibly their partner, Pudgie’s Famous Chicken). But you just know there’s more money to be made, so you settle on…this. [Read more →]