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Top ten suggested wedding gifts for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

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10. Season tickets to all the home games of the Kansas City Royals

9. A box set of Prince CDs

8. An American–English dictionary

7. An athletic cup to protect the crown jewels

6. A nightie from Queen Victoria’s Secret

5. A gift certificate to Scepters R Us

4. The illusion that the Royal Family still wields some power

3. Something to read on the throne

2. A DVD copy of the 1957 Laurence Olivier–Marilyn Monroe film The Prince and the Showgirl

1. The entire United States, to be accepted on behalf of Harry’s family — we’ll even pay that stupid Tea Tax! — but only if Harry will accept it immediately, before it’s too late!

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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