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Top ten work one-liners

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10. I suppose, when asked by a potential employer if I have a criminal record, “Highest number of robberies in an hour” isn’t an appropriate answer.

9. I don’t mind going to work, but it’s the eight hours waiting to go home that annoy me.

8. My boss just put me in charge of obeying him.

7. I wish some of my co-workers weren’t allowed in the break room, because that’s usually who I need a break from.

6. We will continue having meetings every day until I find out why no work is getting done.

5. At work I was running around like a madman: naked, with a chainsaw.

4. Why would I work through lunch, when I don’t even work through work?

3. My boss needs to stop holding secret meetings about my paranoia.

2. Why does my work week always go: MONDAY–TUESDAY–WEDNESDAY–THURSDAY–blink–MONDAY–TUESDAY–WEDNESDAY–THURSDAY–blink?

1. I’ve been sacked from my job, or as I prefer to think of it, I’m on eternity leave.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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