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Top ten signs you’ve eaten too much Thanksgiving dinner today

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10. While slicing the pumpkin pie, you cut your finger and gravy comes out

9. Just like one of those turkey thermometers so you can tell when it’s done, your belly button pops out

8. After the meal, you have to loosen the band on your wristwatch

7. NASA is considering a mission to photograph the other side of you

6. A policeman comes up to you and orders you to disperse

5. After dinner, when you get on a plane from New York to Los Angeles, it has to taxi the whole way

4. Both Ben and Jerry friend you on Facebook

3. The super in your building changes the sign in the elevator to read “Maximum Occupancy: 1”

2. You start sweating yams

1. You catch the flesh eating bacteria, and are given 67 years to live

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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