10. Alcohol, because no good story starts with someone eating a salad.
9. It’s so weird, but it’s a ten-minute walk from my house to the pub, and it’s a two-hour walk from the pub to my house!
8. I don’t wake up, I come to.
7. Childhood is like being drunk: everybody remembers what you did, except you.
6. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems – but then again, neither does milk.
5. I hate it when you’re making your way home drunk, just minding your own business, and someone steps on your fingers.
4. I don’t drink to forget, I…what was I saying?
3. They say that alcohol kills you slowly, but then, who’s in a hurry?
2. It could be the wine talking, but more likely it’s Joe, the guy I have locked in the wine cellar.
1. I got pulled over for Driving While Intoxicated but, in my defense, I didn’t know I was driving.
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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Latest posts by Bob Sullivan (Posts [6])
- Top ten reasons this will be my last Top Ten List [7] - April 30, 2018
- Top ten more syntax one-liners [8] - April 23, 2018
- Top ten more alcohol one-liners [9] - April 16, 2018
- Top ten more dog one-liners [10] - April 9, 2018
- Top ten revelations in the Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes interview [11] - April 2, 2018