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Top ten excuses of a German man who had to be rescued by firefighters when he got his penis stuck in the hole of a 5½-pound dumbbell plate at the gym

10. “I couldn’t afford a Fitbit and thought this would be the next best thing.”

9. “I’m a big fan of ‘pumping’ iron.”

8. “I thought it would be a good way to meet one of those hunky firefighters.”

7. “I made a miscalculation; the 6-pound dumbbell has a bigger hole.”

6. “It’s the male equivalent of Kegels.”

5. “It takes a dumbbell to fuck a dumbbell.”

4. “I’m very nearsighted, and I honestly thought it was a cat.”

3. “I misheard something about the gym being overcrowded, and then something about cramming in a member.”

2. “I was practicing my short-range ring toss.”

1. “Well it had a hole in it, didn’t it?!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus [4] (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 [5] and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

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