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In honor of the new school year, top ten science one-liners

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10. Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar, and doesn’t.

9. When the bartender told the helium, “We don’t serve noble gases in here,” he didn’t react.

8. After the neutron drank his beer, he asked the bartender for the bill, but the bartender said, “For you, no charge.”

7. When the bartender told the Higgs Boson he had to go to church right away and the Higgs Boson asked why, the bartender said, “Because they can’t have mass without you.”

6. A photon checked into a hotel, and when the porter asked him if he had any luggage, he replied, “No, I’m travelling light.”

5. A student sees Einstein sitting next to him on the train, and asks, “Excuse me, Professor, but does Boston stop at this train?”

4. When the policeman stopped Werner Heisenberg for speeding and told him how fast he was going, Heisenberg responded, “Great! Now I’m lost!

3. Never trust an atom, because they make up everything.

2. The Theory of Relativity says time moves more slowly when you’re with your relatives.

1. They say one day the universe will implode — no matter!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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One Response to “In honor of the new school year, top ten science one-liners”

  1. Good afternoon, Bob,

    I work at a community college in Texas, and shared all three of your ‘In honor of the new school year one-liners’ posts via an ‘All Users’ email we have on campus for faculty/staff/administrators.

    THEY WERE A HUGE HIT … well done, sir.

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