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Top ten answers to the question “How hot is it?”

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10. “It’s so hot, Bill Cosby says he kinda wishes he’d been thrown in the ‘cooler’.”

9. “It’s so hot, today I fried an egg…at room temperature.”

8. “It’s so hot, the last guy who asked me ‘Hot enough for ya?’ I was compelled to beat to death with a sockful of nickels.”

7. “It’s so hot, I have a brand on my stomach shaped like a seat belt buckle.”

6. “It’s so hot, in Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, Oregon, and Washington, joints are lighting themselves.”

5. “It’s so hot, I ran into a burning building, just to cool off.”

4. “It’s so hot, because of their mercury content, people all across the country have been subjected to exploding thermometers and tuna.”

3. “It’s so hot, Satan took out a full page ad in The New York Times, asking for his weather back.”

2. “It’s so hot, two hobbits just walked by and threw a ring in through my window.”

1. “It’s so hot, the last time Trump said global warming was a hoax, his pants caught on fire.”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

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