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Top ten dog one-liners

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10. To err is human, to forgive, canine.

9. My wife wanted me to help her start a dog collection, so I gave her a couple of pointers.

8. I’ve had no luck at all trying to teach my dog to dance, because he’s got two left feet.

7. I’m pretty sure that, if dogs could talk, their most common phrase would be, “Are you gonna eat that?”

6. When I took my dog to the flea circus, he stole the show.

5. A German shepherd craps on my lawn every morning, and today he even brought his dog.

4. I tried to teach my dog how to fetch, but he just doesn’t get it.

3. I lost my dog, and I don’t even have collar ID.

2. I went to our local zoo, but all they had was a dog in a cage — it was a Shih Tzu.

1. My dog has been sitting outside in front of the snowman for an hour, just waiting for him to throw one of those twigs.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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