Bob Sullivan's top ten everythinggetting older

Top ten signs you’re too old to be trick-or-treating tonight

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10. You’re going out with your kids, and their kids, and their kids!

9. It’s been an hour, and the furthest you’ve been able to walk is next door.

8. You ask for high-fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. You can remember back to your first Halloween, when all the witches were burned.

5. By the end of the night, you have a treat bag full of restraining orders.

4. You’re continually knocking on your own front door

3. You keep seeing some trick-or-treater dressed up as the Grim Reaper – and you’re the only one who can see him.

2. You have to get your dog to soften up some of the candy by chewing on it first.

1. When people open the door, instead of saying “Trick or treat,” you look confused for a minute, then start singing Good King Wenceslas.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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