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Top ten Donald Trump jokes of the moment

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10. “I saw that on Monday Donald Trump met with the Egyptian president in New York City while he’s in town for the U.N. General assembly. Trump said he’s always felt connected to Egypt, mostly because Trump University was a huge pyramid scheme.” – Jimmy Fallon, 9/21/16

9. “We are 25 days away from the election and Donald Trump is burning up like a meteor entering the atmosphere. Five women have come forward this week to claim he behaved inappropriately with them, touching, etc., including a reporter from People magazine and former pageant winner. Which is very bad news for his campaign. The good news is, he just got an offer to be the spokesman for Jell-O pudding.” – Jimmy Kimmel, 10/13/16

8. “During a rally in Florida yesterday Donald Trump boasted about his plans for ISIS and said he will ‘be their worst nightmare.’ Oh, wow, so he’s also running for president of ISIS? ” – Seth Meyers, 10/13/16

7. Billy Bush was suspended from his job after that video of him and Donald Trump making lewd sexual comments surfaced, “which means there is currently a higher standard for host of the third hour of the Today show than there is for Republican nominee for President of the United States.” – Seth Meyers, 10/10/16

6. “By the way, I don’t think that’s what Donald Trump’s advisers meant when they told him to reach out to women.” – Stephen Colbert, 10/10/16

5. “The man who is this close to the highest office in the land now occupies the lowest office in the land: The pervert on the bus.” – Seth Meyers, 10/10/16

4. As to Trump’s claim that it was just locker room talk, “First of all, no it’s not. That is not the way men in locker rooms talk. Second of all, this is the problem: Trump treats the entire world like the inside of a men’s locker room. And you just know he’s the locker-room type who towel dries his hair while he’s buck naked with one leg up on the bench so everyone has to avert their eyes to avoid looking at his saggy ball sac.” – Seth Meyers, 10/10/16

3. “In fact, ‘Take a Tic Tac and grab ’em by the pussy’ is the closest thing to a plan Donald Trump has described this entire election.” – Samantha Bee, 10/10/16

2. “You weren’t in a locker room, you sleazy pair of sweat socks. You were at work!” – Samantha Bee, 10/10/16

1. “I can’t wait for Wednesday’s final debate, to see if Trump accidentally blows his brains out, when he shoots himself in the foot while his foot is in his mouth.” – Bob Sullivan, Top Ten List, 10/17/16

 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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