My top ten new year’s resolutions

My top ten new year’s resolutions

Posted on January 4th, 2016 by Bob Sullivan

10. I resolve to finally give up trying to lose weight, and instead will just grow six inches taller

9. I resolve to finally find Waldo

8. I resolve to become a doctor, and then change my last name to “Acula”

7. I resolve not to sit at my computer all day (I’m writing this standing up)

6. I resolve to think of another password for my computer besides ‘password’

5. I resolve to buy a t-shirt that says “LIFE” on it, then stand on a street corner and hand out lemons to passersby

4. I resolve to keep my ambitions within reach

3. I resolve to finally bring an end to war

2. I resolve, this year, to keep all my resolutions to myself

1. I resolve to limit my number of resolutions to nine

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.