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Top ten signs you ate too much on Thanksgiving

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10. While slicing the pumpkin pie, you cut your finger and gravy came out

9. You had to let out your shower curtain

8. People kept saying, “Happy Thanksgiving, Governor Christie!”

7. After the football game, it took two EMT guys and the Jaws of Life to get you out of your Barcalounger

6. You’ve put on so much poundage, in one of the shots of earth in the film The Martian, you are clearly visible

5. You ate all the leftovers…before dessert!

4. You just woke up from your tryptophan coma

3. Your relatives took a picture of you in your Pilgrim outfit, and it’s still printing

2. After the meal, you had to loosen the band on your wristwatch

1. You just caught the flesh eating bacteria, and were given 67 years to live

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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