Top ten things that indicate just how hip and progressive Pope Francis really is

10. He’s overseeing the instillation of the Vatican’s first drive-through confessional

9. He considers himself an agnostic because, as he says in Latin, “How do you really know one way or the other?”

8. The communion wafers he distributes now include nacho-flavored

7. He’s hosting the Comedy Central Roast of Benedict XVI

6. A typical penance might be, “Say three ‘Hail Mary’s and sing three choruses of ‘John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt’”

5. Instead of one of those kneely things, his confession booth has a rocker recliner

4. Before he offers communion, he lets you speak with the wine steward

3. For showering, he’s allowing his likeness to be used on Pope-on-a-Rope

2. Instead of incense, before the service he fills the censers with Acapulco Gold

1. Last week he dedicated a new church in Rome called Our Lady of Gaga
 

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Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus ^[4] (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 ^[5] and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

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