Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten things you don’t want to hear at today’s Memorial Day barbecue

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10. “These GMO burgers actually glow in the dark!”

9. “Those chicken breasts won’t burn; I coated them in Vaseline.”

8. “What’s Cousin Sid processing those Memorial Day poppies into?”

7. “Before you try the coleslaw, would you mind signing this waiver?”

6. “Why would someone route a Memorial Day Parade right through the middle of our barbeque?”

5. “Who invited Chris Christie? – and where’d all the steaks go?”

4. “On this Memorial Day, let us remember those people Memorial Day was designed to memorialize….It can’t be veterans; that’s Veterans Day!”

3. “That’s not mayonnaise; you’re standing under a tree.”

2. “Uncle Harvey, I think the tradition is to lower your flag to half-mast, not your pants to half-assed.”

1. “Why does everything on the grill have a long thin tail?”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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